My Story
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: London
Posts: 17
My Story
Hey everyone, I'm John and a 24 year old alcoholic.
I started drinking when I was about 15 and it became serious by the age of about 21. For the most part I've drank at least a bottle of wine, sometimes 2, every night for as long as I can remember. Larger too, pretty much everything. I have bad anxiety and use alcohol to self medicate. I can't leave the house without being "on" something - be it tranquilizers or booze or both.
The last 2 years have been the worst. After a year of being alone and isolated at home due to crippling anxiety, I finally saw a psychiatrist who would prescribe me tranqualizers. They worked like magic and I was able to go out and party with my friends again.
At this point I took things too far, excited with my newfound freedom, I went on massive booze, drug benders with my mates. I cracked my head open. Things got even worse when my mum got sectioned last Christmas. The memories are very disturbing. Drinking got worse.
Was rude to people for no reason, got arrested, got beaten up, random drunken fights with friends. I went to hospital to detox but the moment I left I went straight to the pub. Went to hospital again, relapsed again. I'm ashamed of myself, have almost zero confidence. Alcohol has taken away my self esteem. I really don't know what to do. Here in England alcohol is everywhere, everything revolves around it. New Years coming up but not going out because I don't want to drink. I'm here for help and support if anyone can offer it. I also would like to speak with people with similar problems and will help out in any way I can. I'm not asking for sympathy and I feel like a total *****. I want to stop because I am worried about my health and my family are worried about me.
This really is the hardest thing I've ever tried to do. I've been addicted to weed, coke and used to take exctasy every weekend but managed to quit all those. Alcohol is just so hard to give up. Sorry for the long post but I just wanted to share my story.
I started drinking when I was about 15 and it became serious by the age of about 21. For the most part I've drank at least a bottle of wine, sometimes 2, every night for as long as I can remember. Larger too, pretty much everything. I have bad anxiety and use alcohol to self medicate. I can't leave the house without being "on" something - be it tranquilizers or booze or both.
The last 2 years have been the worst. After a year of being alone and isolated at home due to crippling anxiety, I finally saw a psychiatrist who would prescribe me tranqualizers. They worked like magic and I was able to go out and party with my friends again.
At this point I took things too far, excited with my newfound freedom, I went on massive booze, drug benders with my mates. I cracked my head open. Things got even worse when my mum got sectioned last Christmas. The memories are very disturbing. Drinking got worse.
Was rude to people for no reason, got arrested, got beaten up, random drunken fights with friends. I went to hospital to detox but the moment I left I went straight to the pub. Went to hospital again, relapsed again. I'm ashamed of myself, have almost zero confidence. Alcohol has taken away my self esteem. I really don't know what to do. Here in England alcohol is everywhere, everything revolves around it. New Years coming up but not going out because I don't want to drink. I'm here for help and support if anyone can offer it. I also would like to speak with people with similar problems and will help out in any way I can. I'm not asking for sympathy and I feel like a total *****. I want to stop because I am worried about my health and my family are worried about me.
This really is the hardest thing I've ever tried to do. I've been addicted to weed, coke and used to take exctasy every weekend but managed to quit all those. Alcohol is just so hard to give up. Sorry for the long post but I just wanted to share my story.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: South Dakota, USA
Posts: 1,429
I can relate. I had severe anxiety as well. Turns out for me that the alcohol was triggering my anxiety. I would drink to relieve the anxiety, when in reality the drinking was causing my anxiety. Vicious cycle. Now after having been in recovery for over two years, my anxiety is gone and I have found so much joy in living a sober life. I got sober at 28, and am now 31. So we are close to the same age.
I would suggest finding a support system and taking things one day at a time. Just don't drink TODAY, and do the same thing tomorrow, and the next day, etc.
I promise, a better life awaits you if you give it time to experience it. We didn't get here over night, and it won't get perfect over night but over time you will see the real joy in life.
Best wishes to you. Keep reading here and reaching out for help.
I would suggest finding a support system and taking things one day at a time. Just don't drink TODAY, and do the same thing tomorrow, and the next day, etc.
I promise, a better life awaits you if you give it time to experience it. We didn't get here over night, and it won't get perfect over night but over time you will see the real joy in life.
Best wishes to you. Keep reading here and reaching out for help.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
Same for me, the drugs were easy to file away, did that (with a few one-offs) for a few years before I got sober at 28. The booze required actions on my part to stay sober, as getting sober was something I often did and was temporary, as in a few months.
At 24 I'd gone to a few AA meetings and therapy, and different methods of controlled use, and some fringe religions, self help books, aversion therapy, self-hypnosis, vitamin therapy, herbal therapy...got serious about doing the AA stuff at 28, that's worked since.
I've gone to meetings in the Midlands, Lake District, around Hadrian's Wall and London...some decent members all over. You ask, they'll help.
At 24 I'd gone to a few AA meetings and therapy, and different methods of controlled use, and some fringe religions, self help books, aversion therapy, self-hypnosis, vitamin therapy, herbal therapy...got serious about doing the AA stuff at 28, that's worked since.
I've gone to meetings in the Midlands, Lake District, around Hadrian's Wall and London...some decent members all over. You ask, they'll help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: London
Posts: 17
Hi Hoping! Welcome. Alcohol is everywhere in the States too. You basically can't leave your home, well actually even in your home if you view any kind of media! Hell I can't even go on Facebook without an ad on the left of all the statuses for all the latest and greatest wines out there. Ugh! Boy is it ever hard.
I think it takes a lot of face to face support and sober friends. I don't hang out with any of the people I used to accept for my family but they all know the deal with me. I am making new sober friends so I feel good about that, most of them are from AA. It took me a year or more to work up the courage to post here and then a few months to walk into a room for an AA meeting.
No one wants to be an alcoholic, I wish people were more open about it and it didn't have such a shameful feeling about it. I hope you share here and keep coming back. Sounds like you need a lot of support.
I think it takes a lot of face to face support and sober friends. I don't hang out with any of the people I used to accept for my family but they all know the deal with me. I am making new sober friends so I feel good about that, most of them are from AA. It took me a year or more to work up the courage to post here and then a few months to walk into a room for an AA meeting.
No one wants to be an alcoholic, I wish people were more open about it and it didn't have such a shameful feeling about it. I hope you share here and keep coming back. Sounds like you need a lot of support.
You are like a lot of people here. I suffer from anxiety (GAD) and do take medicine but the liquor seems to work better for me. The people in here have been so supportive. I wish I can say that I have quit but I have not yet but the people here are slowly moving and motivating me. Stay here, listen to some smart people. You are still a very young man with a great life ahead of you if you can get sober. Stay strong and keep posting.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: London
Posts: 17
You are like a lot of people here. I suffer from anxiety (GAD) and do take medicine but the liquor seems to work better for me. The people in here have been so supportive. I wish I can say that I have quit but I have not yet but the people here are slowly moving and motivating me. Stay here, listen to some smart people. You are still a very young man with a great life ahead of you if you can get sober. Stay strong and keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: South Dakota, USA
Posts: 1,429
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: London
Posts: 17
I can relate. I had severe anxiety as well. Turns out for me that the alcohol was triggering my anxiety. I would drink to relieve the anxiety, when in reality the drinking was causing my anxiety. Vicious cycle. Now after having been in recovery for over two years, my anxiety is gone and I have found so much joy in living a sober life. I got sober at 28, and am now 31. So we are close to the same age.
I would suggest finding a support system and taking things one day at a time. Just don't drink TODAY, and do the same thing tomorrow, and the next day, etc.
I promise, a better life awaits you if you give it time to experience it. We didn't get here over night, and it won't get perfect over night but over time you will see the real joy in life.
Best wishes to you. Keep reading here and reaching out for help.
I would suggest finding a support system and taking things one day at a time. Just don't drink TODAY, and do the same thing tomorrow, and the next day, etc.
I promise, a better life awaits you if you give it time to experience it. We didn't get here over night, and it won't get perfect over night but over time you will see the real joy in life.
Best wishes to you. Keep reading here and reaching out for help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: London
Posts: 17
Hi Hopingtobesober - welcome
I dunno about you but I could do a lot of damage to myself, inanimate objects and others in 3 days
I get that 3 days sounds good - it's like a buffer to work yourself up to the idea of quitting- but you've already seen what drinking can do to you, you're worried about your health, you're on meds, you suffer from anxiety - which alcohol actually makes worse not better...
why not start today?
D
I dunno about you but I could do a lot of damage to myself, inanimate objects and others in 3 days
I get that 3 days sounds good - it's like a buffer to work yourself up to the idea of quitting- but you've already seen what drinking can do to you, you're worried about your health, you're on meds, you suffer from anxiety - which alcohol actually makes worse not better...
why not start today?
D
Thanks Duke. I've made the decision that on new years eve I'm giving up drink for good. I'm done with it. Be happy to start off the new year with a clear head - not going out, getting off my head, making a fool of myself and possibly getting in a fight or arrested. This is what I used to be like and for what? It's confusing. And yes I will keep posting. I'm done with this ****. I will offer any advice I can to anyone who needs it, I just want to help. I know how much it sucks, believe me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: London
Posts: 17
Hi Hopingtobesober - welcome
I dunno about you but I could do a lot of damage to myself, inanimate objects and others in 3 days
I get that 3 days sounds good - it's like a buffer to work yourself up to the idea of quitting- but you've already seen what drinking can do to you, you're worried about your health, you're on meds, you suffer from anxiety - which alcohol actually makes worse not better...
why not start today?
D
I dunno about you but I could do a lot of damage to myself, inanimate objects and others in 3 days
I get that 3 days sounds good - it's like a buffer to work yourself up to the idea of quitting- but you've already seen what drinking can do to you, you're worried about your health, you're on meds, you suffer from anxiety - which alcohol actually makes worse not better...
why not start today?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: London
Posts: 17
Hey my man I hope this does not mean you are starting the new year clean. You are clean now and need to get through NYE sober as well. Don't rationalize. Do what you need to do to stay sober. Almost every church in NYC is open on NYE so maybe just go there for a bit. I am not hugely religious but something about the atmosphere calms me. DON'T DRINK
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: London
Posts: 17
Hey my man I hope this does not mean you are starting the new year clean. You are clean now and need to get through NYE sober as well. Don't rationalize. Do what you need to do to stay sober. Almost every church in NYC is open on NYE so maybe just go there for a bit. I am not hugely religious but something about the atmosphere calms me. DON'T DRINK
I can't mate, have already drunk like 8 beers at least.
The point im trying to make though is that I'm serious this time.
You could start now, I hope you'll think about starting tomorrow - but in the end it's up to you, HTBS
D
Hi HTBS,
I think it is a good idea to go to some AA meetings. I'm glad you thought of it. Yes, you are right the madness needs to stop.
They tried banning alcohol in America, it was called prohibition, the only good thing that came out of that was some very cool gangster movies. I watched a fascinating 3 part documentary called Prohibition last month, great old black and white footage.
Sorry I digress.
Get your point though, most socialising seems to be around alcohol.
I have a strong feeling that you can do it. Get into a program. I use this forum and AA to stay sober.
Looking forward to further posts from you.
All the best
CaiHong
I think it is a good idea to go to some AA meetings. I'm glad you thought of it. Yes, you are right the madness needs to stop.
They tried banning alcohol in America, it was called prohibition, the only good thing that came out of that was some very cool gangster movies. I watched a fascinating 3 part documentary called Prohibition last month, great old black and white footage.
Sorry I digress.
Get your point though, most socialising seems to be around alcohol.
I have a strong feeling that you can do it. Get into a program. I use this forum and AA to stay sober.
Looking forward to further posts from you.
All the best
CaiHong
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: London
Posts: 17
Taken out of context. The dude asked me why I'm not stopping now, and my response was because I'm already drunk now. The date which I said I was quitting was the 31st of December - new years eve. I never said anything about stopping before then.
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