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Old 12-28-2011, 11:32 AM
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My Story

Hey everyone, I'm John and a 24 year old alcoholic.

I started drinking when I was about 15 and it became serious by the age of about 21. For the most part I've drank at least a bottle of wine, sometimes 2, every night for as long as I can remember. Larger too, pretty much everything. I have bad anxiety and use alcohol to self medicate. I can't leave the house without being "on" something - be it tranquilizers or booze or both.

The last 2 years have been the worst. After a year of being alone and isolated at home due to crippling anxiety, I finally saw a psychiatrist who would prescribe me tranqualizers. They worked like magic and I was able to go out and party with my friends again.

At this point I took things too far, excited with my newfound freedom, I went on massive booze, drug benders with my mates. I cracked my head open. Things got even worse when my mum got sectioned last Christmas. The memories are very disturbing. Drinking got worse.

Was rude to people for no reason, got arrested, got beaten up, random drunken fights with friends. I went to hospital to detox but the moment I left I went straight to the pub. Went to hospital again, relapsed again. I'm ashamed of myself, have almost zero confidence. Alcohol has taken away my self esteem. I really don't know what to do. Here in England alcohol is everywhere, everything revolves around it. New Years coming up but not going out because I don't want to drink. I'm here for help and support if anyone can offer it. I also would like to speak with people with similar problems and will help out in any way I can. I'm not asking for sympathy and I feel like a total *****. I want to stop because I am worried about my health and my family are worried about me.

This really is the hardest thing I've ever tried to do. I've been addicted to weed, coke and used to take exctasy every weekend but managed to quit all those. Alcohol is just so hard to give up. Sorry for the long post but I just wanted to share my story.
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Old 12-28-2011, 11:36 AM
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Wow, I can definitely relate. This is day 2 for me, trying to quit again. It definitely is NOT easy, but I hear its worth it! Best of luck!
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Old 12-28-2011, 11:43 AM
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I can relate. I had severe anxiety as well. Turns out for me that the alcohol was triggering my anxiety. I would drink to relieve the anxiety, when in reality the drinking was causing my anxiety. Vicious cycle. Now after having been in recovery for over two years, my anxiety is gone and I have found so much joy in living a sober life. I got sober at 28, and am now 31. So we are close to the same age.

I would suggest finding a support system and taking things one day at a time. Just don't drink TODAY, and do the same thing tomorrow, and the next day, etc.

I promise, a better life awaits you if you give it time to experience it. We didn't get here over night, and it won't get perfect over night but over time you will see the real joy in life.

Best wishes to you. Keep reading here and reaching out for help.
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Old 12-28-2011, 11:52 AM
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Same for me, the drugs were easy to file away, did that (with a few one-offs) for a few years before I got sober at 28. The booze required actions on my part to stay sober, as getting sober was something I often did and was temporary, as in a few months.

At 24 I'd gone to a few AA meetings and therapy, and different methods of controlled use, and some fringe religions, self help books, aversion therapy, self-hypnosis, vitamin therapy, herbal therapy...got serious about doing the AA stuff at 28, that's worked since.

I've gone to meetings in the Midlands, Lake District, around Hadrian's Wall and London...some decent members all over. You ask, they'll help.
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Old 12-28-2011, 12:17 PM
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Originally Posted by Dominica2 View Post
Wow, I can definitely relate. This is day 2 for me, trying to quit again. It definitely is NOT easy, but I hear its worth it! Best of luck!
Thanks Dominica. I appreciate the support. I wish you the best of luck x
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Old 12-28-2011, 12:32 PM
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Hi Hoping! Welcome. Alcohol is everywhere in the States too. You basically can't leave your home, well actually even in your home if you view any kind of media! Hell I can't even go on Facebook without an ad on the left of all the statuses for all the latest and greatest wines out there. Ugh! Boy is it ever hard.

I think it takes a lot of face to face support and sober friends. I don't hang out with any of the people I used to accept for my family but they all know the deal with me. I am making new sober friends so I feel good about that, most of them are from AA. It took me a year or more to work up the courage to post here and then a few months to walk into a room for an AA meeting.

No one wants to be an alcoholic, I wish people were more open about it and it didn't have such a shameful feeling about it. I hope you share here and keep coming back. Sounds like you need a lot of support.
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Old 12-28-2011, 12:40 PM
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You are like a lot of people here. I suffer from anxiety (GAD) and do take medicine but the liquor seems to work better for me. The people in here have been so supportive. I wish I can say that I have quit but I have not yet but the people here are slowly moving and motivating me. Stay here, listen to some smart people. You are still a very young man with a great life ahead of you if you can get sober. Stay strong and keep posting.
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Old 12-28-2011, 12:47 PM
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Originally Posted by Duke10 View Post
You are like a lot of people here. I suffer from anxiety (GAD) and do take medicine but the liquor seems to work better for me. The people in here have been so supportive. I wish I can say that I have quit but I have not yet but the people here are slowly moving and motivating me. Stay here, listen to some smart people. You are still a very young man with a great life ahead of you if you can get sober. Stay strong and keep posting.
Thanks Duke. I've made the decision that on new years eve I'm giving up drink for good. I'm done with it. Be happy to start off the new year with a clear head - not going out, getting off my head, making a fool of myself and possibly getting in a fight or arrested. This is what I used to be like and for what? It's confusing. And yes I will keep posting. I'm done with this ****. I will offer any advice I can to anyone who needs it, I just want to help. I know how much it sucks, believe me.
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Old 12-28-2011, 12:58 PM
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Originally Posted by HopingToBeSober View Post
I've made the decision that on new years eve I'm giving up drink for good.
Any GOOD reason why you are waiting until then to start your new, better life?
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Old 12-28-2011, 01:20 PM
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Originally Posted by bdiddy5522 View Post
I can relate. I had severe anxiety as well. Turns out for me that the alcohol was triggering my anxiety. I would drink to relieve the anxiety, when in reality the drinking was causing my anxiety. Vicious cycle. Now after having been in recovery for over two years, my anxiety is gone and I have found so much joy in living a sober life. I got sober at 28, and am now 31. So we are close to the same age.

I would suggest finding a support system and taking things one day at a time. Just don't drink TODAY, and do the same thing tomorrow, and the next day, etc.

I promise, a better life awaits you if you give it time to experience it. We didn't get here over night, and it won't get perfect over night but over time you will see the real joy in life.

Best wishes to you. Keep reading here and reaching out for help.
I suspected this as well. I sometimes think about when my panic attacks/anxiety started, it was when I started drinking regularly. Looking back, it was probably the drinking that caused my anxiety in the first place! It's just ridiculous when you think about it - craving the very thing that has caused you so much misery, and then spending money to purchase it. That is literally madness. Alcohol should be illegal and it still baffles me why it still remains legal. Life is funny aint it? Or maybe not. Jesus
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Old 12-28-2011, 01:26 PM
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Originally Posted by bdiddy5522 View Post
Any GOOD reason why you are waiting until then to start your new, better life?
It just seems like an appropriate time to quit. New year, new possibilities... u know? It will also be the first sober new years eve I've had in my entire life (15 and upwards obviously).
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Old 12-28-2011, 01:27 PM
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Originally Posted by bdiddy5522 View Post
Any GOOD reason why you are waiting until then to start your new, better life?
Also, it's like in 3 days time mate. Not really much "waiting" involved.
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Old 12-28-2011, 02:25 PM
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Hi Hopingtobesober - welcome

I dunno about you but I could do a lot of damage to myself, inanimate objects and others in 3 days

I get that 3 days sounds good - it's like a buffer to work yourself up to the idea of quitting- but you've already seen what drinking can do to you, you're worried about your health, you're on meds, you suffer from anxiety - which alcohol actually makes worse not better...

why not start today?

D
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Old 12-28-2011, 02:42 PM
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Originally Posted by HopingToBeSober View Post
Thanks Duke. I've made the decision that on new years eve I'm giving up drink for good. I'm done with it. Be happy to start off the new year with a clear head - not going out, getting off my head, making a fool of myself and possibly getting in a fight or arrested. This is what I used to be like and for what? It's confusing. And yes I will keep posting. I'm done with this ****. I will offer any advice I can to anyone who needs it, I just want to help. I know how much it sucks, believe me.
Hey my man I hope this does not mean you are starting the new year clean. You are clean now and need to get through NYE sober as well. Don't rationalize. Do what you need to do to stay sober. Almost every church in NYC is open on NYE so maybe just go there for a bit. I am not hugely religious but something about the atmosphere calms me. DON'T DRINK
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Old 12-28-2011, 02:44 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Hi Hopingtobesober - welcome

I dunno about you but I could do a lot of damage to myself, inanimate objects and others in 3 days

I get that 3 days sounds good - it's like a buffer to work yourself up to the idea of quitting- but you've already seen what drinking can do to you, you're worried about your health, you're on meds, you suffer from anxiety - which alcohol actually makes worse not better...

why not start today?

D
I can't mate, have already drunk like 8 beers at least. The point im trying to make though is that I'm serious this time. This is the end of the road for me. One quote from the film "The Shawshank Redemtion" that really hit me is "Get busy living or get busy dying." - I would rather do the former. I need help though I really do. Please keep posting everyone, I appreciate the kind words.
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Old 12-28-2011, 02:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Duke10 View Post
Hey my man I hope this does not mean you are starting the new year clean. You are clean now and need to get through NYE sober as well. Don't rationalize. Do what you need to do to stay sober. Almost every church in NYC is open on NYE so maybe just go there for a bit. I am not hugely religious but something about the atmosphere calms me. DON'T DRINK
I live in the UK my friend. Thanks for the advice though. It's funny though, I'm not religious at all but I was thinking of going to church. God knows. How are things with you? I'm looking into some aa meetings for young people as I think it may help.
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Old 12-28-2011, 02:59 PM
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Originally Posted by Duke10 View Post
Hey my man I hope this does not mean you are starting the new year clean. You are clean now and need to get through NYE sober as well. Don't rationalize. Do what you need to do to stay sober. Almost every church in NYC is open on NYE so maybe just go there for a bit. I am not hugely religious but something about the atmosphere calms me. DON'T DRINK
This is what I ment bro. I'm not drinking on new years eve at all. I want to be sober so I can start off the new year with high spirits (pardon the pun). This is why I'm not going out and getting smashed with friends, I'm staying in with the people who really matter - my family.
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Old 12-28-2011, 03:08 PM
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I can't mate, have already drunk like 8 beers at least.
The point im trying to make though is that I'm serious this time.
There's a real disconnect here between these two statements, but ok.

You could start now, I hope you'll think about starting tomorrow - but in the end it's up to you, HTBS

D
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Old 12-28-2011, 03:33 PM
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Hi HTBS,

I think it is a good idea to go to some AA meetings. I'm glad you thought of it. Yes, you are right the madness needs to stop.
They tried banning alcohol in America, it was called prohibition, the only good thing that came out of that was some very cool gangster movies. I watched a fascinating 3 part documentary called Prohibition last month, great old black and white footage.
Sorry I digress.
Get your point though, most socialising seems to be around alcohol.

I have a strong feeling that you can do it. Get into a program. I use this forum and AA to stay sober.
Looking forward to further posts from you.

All the best
CaiHong
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Old 12-28-2011, 03:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
There's a real disconnect here between these two statements, but ok.

You could start now, I hope you'll think about starting tomorrow - but in the end it's up to you, HTBS

D
Taken out of context. The dude asked me why I'm not stopping now, and my response was because I'm already drunk now. The date which I said I was quitting was the 31st of December - new years eve. I never said anything about stopping before then.
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