aztchr

What's your experience applying this slogan?

I'm not living with active alcoholism/addiction, but family members and an exbf are still active in the disease. I do attend Alanon meetings and I've been reading here again off and on.

I don't really know how to live my own life and not feel guilty about doing so.
Somewhere the idea that everyone else needs to be ok before I can feel ok has continued to stick with me. I thought it was supposed to get easier over time, but I still continue to need to work through this. Maybe it's just a "fake it 'til you make it" kind of thing.

Thanks for letting me share.

Impurrfect

(((aztchr))) - I didn't get that slogan at first, either. I'm an RA and a recovering codie with loved ones who are still addicts.

I think what helped me is being an addict and realizing that nothing anyone said or did (short of the cops locking me up) could make me clean. Don't suggest that route for anyone.

It took me reading a gazillion posts here, and realizing that even if I worried, or tried to make things better, it didn't help the situation. Though my stepmom has been better, it took a few times of her passing out to tell her "I will make sure you are breathing, and I will let you lay were you fall". My dad eventually followed my response and she hasn't done that in over a year.

There is still abuse, codependency and other issues in my family, who I live with. I recently found out that though I have all these great answers for how my dad SHOULD respond to situations, he's not ready to hear it. It took hearing that from a friend here to realize that. I still have to ask myself "has it made ANY difference, in the past, when I got worried, tried to intervene?" Nope, not at all - it just got ME all upset while everyone else continued in their dysfunction.

It takes time, but each baby step we make strengthens us.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

NYCDoglvr

Live and let live. For me it means I don't offer unsolicited advice. I try not to judge (very hard to do). I have a mantra: It's none of my business. I keep the focus on myself, the only thing I can change.

Thumper

I used to be just awful about that. It is also one of the things I dislike most when it is done to me. Makes me nuts. It is one of the top guiding principles in my life today. Keep my mouth shut unless asked! Wow - it has helped in more ways then one. I like myself a lot more and it is so much easier to live and let live when I do not offer 'advice'. Try it for one month. Filter everything before you say it and if it is advice or thoughts on someone else's situation keep it to yourself. I am still amazed at how much easier it is to live and let live if you start at the very beginning (the words you speak). Also - now that I've been filtering for a good amount of time - I don't even think it anymore. Another layer of relief and letting go!! It is great - a gift really. Lots less wasted energy, angst, worry, frustration. anxiety.