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I don't know what to say or how to say it...

Old 12-27-2011, 12:33 PM
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Question I don't know what to say or how to say it...

So here we go. I'm an alcoholic, I have no control once I start but hoping I can get some insight into what I am feeling... I don't drink like some that I have read about but I drink enough that I am uncomfortable with who I have become. So here I start with a couple of questions....

(1) Is it normal for me to have this MAD anxiety about quitting? Like maybe now is not the time? (Especially considering this weekend is New Year's and I will be SURROUNDED by alcohol).

(2) How will I enjoy all that I enjoy without have a couple beers at the end of the day... or while fishing... or camping... or even just sitting and watching the kids play late into the night?

(3) I have quit before and I have been able to drink one or two... I can quit and only drink on weekends, I rarely drink enough to have an actual hangover... Why do I still have a nagging sensation that I am an alcoholic?

This is day one... I have been lurking around this sight for a couple of months and have great success in not drinking, but I find myself convincing me... that I can have a couple with the friends as to not be "weird". I'm off on a roll here... Help?
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Old 12-27-2011, 12:38 PM
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When you say "a couple" what do you mean? I suppose only you can say if you have a problem because it's more how you feel about yourself than what others see that makes you want to quit.

I didn't drink like a hardcore alcoholic either but it was coming... Maybe you see the writing on the wall? Maybe you are getting uncomfortable with it and your gut is telling you it's going to get worse?

Not sure what to say, can you tell? LOL
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Old 12-27-2011, 12:43 PM
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I can see the writing on the wall... I drink 3 or 4 about 5 days a week... that is too much. Sometimes 6 when I said one or 2. There are the rare 12 pack nights as well. I have a problem, I think I am trying to convince myself I don't. If that makes sense. I'm feeling at a loss about all this.
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Old 12-27-2011, 12:44 PM
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Hi Sober4myboys. I don't know about your situation specifically, but my answers to your questions were 1. Yes, absolutely. Many people also post about this in early sobriety.

2. I do enjoy all those things I used to do while drinking, and some a bit more now because I'm actually paying attention. It just took a little bit to get used to. Sometimes I still get triggered by an old drinking activity, but you learn how to roll with it.

3. Only you can answer that.

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Old 12-27-2011, 12:45 PM
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I think how you're feeling is normal. I can relate to it for sure.

Originally Posted by sober4myboys View Post
but I drink enough that I am uncomfortable with who I have become.
What you said about being uncomfortable with who you have become. That's reason enough to quit.

Welcome to SR. Glad you found us!
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Old 12-27-2011, 12:47 PM
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hanging on here...responding too...

I too don't like what I have become as a drinker or the tendency to drink drink drink once I have that first drink. I am thinking it through as best I can and trying to stay in the moment in choosing not to drink - I have the desire to not drink - I alsi am fighting the desire to relax and drink - alone - on a Tuesday - never mind the NYE; we're talking today and my own problem with it all on my own. A tuesday drinker, and too much, now that's a red flag. I have a few weeks in at the time but have been feeling uncertain I'd KEEP IT up...so I got on here.

I think in the end it's our inside telling us we don't like how we drink or what we become like when we do.

But if I am white knuckling to get to the hour that the store closes so I can breathe a sigh of relief, I am not living in recovery, but just sober, well, it's a start, but I need to go further. I was thinking I should try to read a while in the Big book of AA.

Anyway I am glad I logged in and going to read further. I don't know what else I am going to do, maybe call a friend.
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Old 12-27-2011, 12:49 PM
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Originally Posted by sober4myboys View Post
So here I start with a couple of questions....

(1) Is it normal for me to have this MAD anxiety about quitting? Like maybe now is not the time? (Especially considering this weekend is New Year's and I will be SURROUNDED by alcohol).
Your alcoholic mind is already gearing up, trying to stop you from quitting. The anxiety is your addiction. And as far as when to quit, there is no time like the present.

Originally Posted by sober4myboys View Post
(2) How will I enjoy all that I enjoy without have a couple beers at the end of the day... or while fishing... or camping... or even just sitting and watching the kids play late into the night?
The same way as million and million of non-alcoholics enjoy life. But as long as you are drinking, or thinking about continuing, you cannot grasp that enjoying life without alcohol is possible. Of course it is. But you need to quit to realize that.

Originally Posted by sober4myboys View Post
(3) I have quit before and I have been able to drink one or two... I can quit and only drink on weekends, I rarely drink enough to have an actual hangover... Why do I still have a nagging sensation that I am an alcoholic?
As an alcoholic, I clung to the few expections to the rule as justification that I didn't have a problem, and completely ignored every sign that I was an alcoholic. Again, this will become so clear once you have quit.

Originally Posted by sober4myboys View Post
This is day one...
Welcome!
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Old 12-27-2011, 12:54 PM
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i think it's normal to have anxiety about quitting if you have a problem. if you could truly take it or leave it with something, going without would be no big deal. part of addiction, for me, has been preoccupation and obsession.

reading "the easy way to quit smoking" gave me some insight into picking "the right time" to quit something. it was pointed out that there will never be a stress free time - a "right time." we'll be faced with stress in greater amounts at some point or another, but it is always there. often when i think of an ideal time to quit using, i am just avoiding making the commitment to quit. this is especially true with smoking!

i don't know how you will find ways to enjoy what you enjoy without alcohol. but you will. maybe you will be surprised that without focusing on having alcohol, you can enjoy those moments in new ways. i am still learning how to enjoy life without alcohol, but being around my family this christmas without it was truly more enjoyable for me than any other year. i was totally present in ways i couldn't be while drinking.

i don't know why you have the nagging sensation that you are an alcoholic. perhaps you should listen to it if it persists. in my experience, i have been able to cut back and use "responsibly" for months at a time. and then something bad would happen, or i'd have too much fun, or i'd just realize how miserable i was always expending all this effort to control my consumption of something that i didn't want to have to control at all.

good luck in finding the clarity you need and the strength to move forward with your decisions.
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Old 12-27-2011, 01:05 PM
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I have been reading through some other posts and it is horribly clear to me that I am a "classic" case that you have all seen a million times. My mind is made up, I no longer want to contine, but as one of you above said... my anxiety and alcoholic brain is already telling me I can't do it. I can. I will. But I may post some weird things in the process. Thank you all for your thoughts and hospitality.
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Old 12-27-2011, 01:40 PM
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Welcome to SR sober4myboys - I think you're making a great decision
good to have you with us

D
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Old 12-27-2011, 01:49 PM
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You have all the questions and concerns I had before making my final leap of faith. It was the best jump I have ever made. I am actually enjoying the activities I did in the past. I didnt realize how much I was missing. Time spent with my children is incomparable. Fishing is better. Parties are more fun and if they are not....I leave. I do what I want now. Not what my beer dictates.

The ole doctors rule....whatever the patient tells you their alcohol consumption is.....triple it. Not being mean just the rule of thumb.


This is a wonderful place and has saved my life. I hope that you get as much out of it as I have.
Just sayin
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