Gettingstarted

It is a long story so I won't get into it much, but I found out my son was smoking pot a couple months ago. I was still drinking, but had quit cigarettes for 3 months when I found out. I cried for two days straight and went and bought cigarettes. Back to smokingi went. Now alittle over 6 weeks later and calls to the school and trips to a therapist.... I decide it is time for me to get sober. I told my husband and he said he was glad because he doesn't like being around me anymore when I drink.... Which was 5-6 evenings a week. Well today my dh found pot in our garage. I asked my 14 year old about it and he tells me he smoked and bought it two weeks ago. Shortly after getting suspended from school for coming to first hour high. Then I found a list of names with dollar amounts behind it. I asked his about that... Basically assuming he owed these people money for his pot money. Nope! He confesses to me that he has been selling pot to kids since september, but claims he stopped selling 1 month ago. But apparently still buys it.

He is crying and telling me he wished I didn't care about him and he hates that I am disappointed and hurt rather than angry. I just don't know what to do to help him. The therapist said that forcing him into treatment won't work. He went to a therapist but didn't talk. He is so young and just started getting into this mess. What do I do to help him? In addition, I felt like saying screw it all and just pour myself a drink and go numb. Instead I decided to "talk" to the people here. I made a decision not to drink tonight. Instead I am laying down and reading my book that has been helping me with recovery so far.

Thanks for listening. I will be calling a help line tomorrow and hope they can give me some advise. I cannot call now because I will only start crying.

PS - I blame myself partially because he has seen me drinking and smoking his whole life. And then now I am telling him that he disappointed me. Maybe it would be better to tell him that I disappointed myself and don't want him to start down the path I did.

PPS - not that it matters, but he comes from a home with married parents that have jobs and are considered middle America. There is no drugs besides cigs and alcohol in the house. No fighting, etc.... Why did he turn to drugs? I am assuming peer pressure to start... But then to selling? If he gets caught he could go to juvenile detention. I don't think my sobriety could handle that!:day2

Gettingstarted

Sorry for all the typos and the happy Bday at the end. I'm trying to type on an iPad and can't figure out how to edit"..

Dee74

Hi GettingStarted
Welcome

I'm sorry for your troubles. It must be difficult to raise a teen these days.

I'm not a parent - others may have more concrete suggestions for you but maybe the best thing you can do for your son is to work on your recovery - be a role model and an example for him about how to deal with alcohol and drugs?

Did you talk to his therapist about what you and your husband can do?

D

DisplacedGRITS

There is special rehab and therapy aimed at young teens that he would probably benifit from. Sounds like he needs something to occupy the free time he spent getting high. Congrats on catching onto the problem early. The earlier you catch it, the easier it is to break the habit. Good luck.

Gettingstarted

thanks for the advice. I have a therapy appoint on we'd and plan to seek suggestions. I do agree the best and only thing I can do for him in this moment in time is to stay sober and continue to tell him how much I love him. I don't know if treatment is the right thing or not. He has used on and off for 3 months. I wasn't super freaked because I know some kids experiment. But finding out today that he has been selling? Puts it into a whole new ballpark.

Impurrfect

(((Gettingstarted))) - I'm sorry you're going through this, and hope the counselor is able to help. As far as you feeling guilty about your drinking, the "worst" my mom and dad ever did was smoke cigarettes, but I still became an addict. I now deal with other family members who have addiction issues, and I understand the wanting to get numb, but that's not going to help any of us. I know my niece has experimented, got pretty out there for a while, but today? She's doing good, says she admires me, and things are good. I doubt it's all anything I said or did, but I try to live by example.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

CaiHong

Yes the best thing you can do is stay sober. I like the honesty approach of the PS that you are disappointed with yourself. That seems to be the approach to take with your son, it sems that your disappointment in him is causing him more grief than rightous anger.
As Dee said very difficult to bring up kids in this environment. But I feel that if you go down the road of recovery you will be able to help him more.

All the best
CaiHong