abouttime13

I am in my 40's and have been drinking and "more" since I was in my teens. I have gone through extended periods of daily heavy drinking and drug usage. I have held down a full time job in which I have excelled for 25 years and have been married to the same person for 16 years. I would be what is described as a functioning alcoholic. I have not done drugs in several years, but I drink daily and quite heavily. Today my wife gave me an ultimatum to quit drinking or leave the house. I love my wife with all my heart and have tried to quit several times in the past at her urging. I'm am ruining my marriage because of my inability to stop drinking. The biggest thing is that I enjoy how booze makes me feel and how it tastes. However, my marriage is much more important, and that is why I am reaching out for help. I have never gone to a support group and quite frankly always have been skeptical of them, but I am not sure where else to start. Any advise on how to maintain sobriety will be of great help.
Thanks

1undone

Welcome, you are in the right place. I know it's REALLY HARD and you forget about everything when you drink but the functional part of your addiction is obviously coming to an end. It's no longer functional when your spouse is going to boot you. The relationships are usually the first to go. I'm 43 and last May was "the talk" with my spouse.

Read around on this site, I would also open up to your doctor because it's dangerous to just stop drinking after all that time. If you have already done this great if not make an appointment as doctors will do whatever they can to help you and are very descrete and understanding.

Keep posting and keep an open mind!

raqbord

I am on my 8th day of no alcohol. I, like you am in my 40's, have had a very successful career for 18 years and have been drinking since my teens. I am a binge drinker. Not every day but at least every weekend. It just seemed to get worse, even when I promised MYSELF, I wouldn't let it get out of control. "Just a couple of drinks". I always let myself down. I have just admited to myself and my entire family that I have a drinking problem. This was no big shocker for any of them, they have all seen my drunkin stupidness. I attended 2 AA meetings. I'm unsure of these meetings? It helps to hear others tell their stories to know that we are not alone or are freaks. Some of use just can't stop at a couple of drinks, so we can't pick up the first one. So far, I have been ok. I plan to attend 1 meeting a week and take it from there? You can do it too! You have to do it for yourself and say goodbye to the drink.

Elisabeth888

I was very leery of AA but it has turned out to be a life saver. That with the combination of this forum has provided me with an immeasurable amount of support.

Meeting and talking to others that share our common problem really is a relief and a comfort.

There are other support groups though- SMART and Rational Recovery are two I believe.

IndaMiricale

Welcome abouttime,

I am 40 and just started to try soberiety in june. I did drugs for years also. But drank everyday for 20 years. Till in Jan i woke up in the ICU . but still continued on after i was detoxed and released.

But for me i have joined AA and its been just a awesome place to be. I just had my first sober Christmas in 25 years, woke up today remembering all of yesterday. Cant explain it.

Glad your hear wether you choose to try AA or something else, give you the best gift and try this way of life. Then your wife can benifit also.

Look forward to seen you around .

Inda

jocata

Welcome to SR. You made a big step by admitting your problem and joining here. I attend AA meetings and can tell you they have saved my life. The program really does work if you do your part. It seems daunting at first, but take your time, find some meetings you are comfortable in, and start talking to people. Many people don't feel like they belong in AA at first, but once you start to meet people and share with them you will be surprised at how supportive they are. As has been mentioned, there are other recovert programs as well. I have not tried any of those, but many here have. Keep posting and reading here. If you really want sobriety, you will find your way. Wishing you the best.
God bless.

Zebra1275

Welcome!

I was a high functioning alcoholic . . . until suddenly I wasn't so high functioning.

I fooled a lot of people with my drinking . . . but the biggest fool was me.

I also didn't see a need to go to AA . . . until I was unsuccessful quitting by myself for the 8 billionth time.

I'm just saying, don't be too quick to judge support groups like AA until you've put some effort into seeing if it might work for you. Once I became desperate enough to "go to any length" as the saying goes, AA and SR helped me to do what I couldn't do for myself.

Dee74

Welcome to SR abouttime

You get responses from people with experience in a lot of programmes etc - here's a list of some of the main players for you to start looking at - maybe you'll find something there?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

D

Impurrfect

(((abouttime))) - Welcome to SR!! You've come to the right place. There are a lot of people who use AA or other methods for recovery. It's not easy, giving up what we think of as our best friend (alcohol or drugs), but really...what kind of a friend would cause your marriage to be in trouble?

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

CaiHong

Welcome About time,

Is the only reason you want to give up is because your wife has given you an ultimatum?
Can you see other good reasons to give up?

CaiHong

TheTinMan

Welcome Abouttime!

I'm not sure whether I could have ever been considered high functioning. I failed several marriages and never stayed at a job too long.

I did quit a few weeks after my 40th birthday. Been sober for over a year now and AA and SoberRecovery have been the things that helped me most.

You will find a lot of support here. I wish you well in your relationship with your spouse and hope that you find the desire to stop drinking not for her but for yourself.

Big love.

EmeraldRose

Welcome abouttime13.
I think most of us were/are high functioning. You have to be to stay one step ahead. Or at least, 'think' you are. I'm in my late 40's and have been drinking since I was a teen. I know the struggle going on in your heart. I enjoyed drinking, too. It was a comfort, a release, a safe haven. But it'll be 11 months on the 28th and I haven't missed it at all. Like zebra said, I wasn't fooling anyone but myself.
It's so much better remembering life, rather than floating thru in a foggy haze.
Wishing you peace and strength.

sugarbear1

97% of alcoholics are high functioning. Most die while still drinking, often listed as "heart attacks" on the death certificate. Glad you're recognizing it & want to change!

You can stay stopped, too! Welcome to SR!

artsoul

Welcome abouttime!

I found that it took more and more work to maintain the "functioning" part of drinking. Things looked normal from the outside, but I wasn't fooling myself very well.

I'm sorry to hear about your relationship troubles, but this could be the start of a better life. I'm glad you're reaching out for support today!

abouttime13

I really want to thank all of you for your input and words of encouragement. I know this will be a difficult process, and I know it is all about each day. I have been able to "just drink on weekends" before, for maybe a month, and then I find every reason in the book to make an exception, and before I know it, I'm drinking every night again. This time I know I have to just stop for good. I'm not going to lie, the fact that it is my resolve to stop completely is giving me some anxiety. I think that deep in my heart, my previous attempts were "just to stop, 'till the heats off". My main motivation is to stop hurting the ones I love most with this self destructive behavior. I know there are plenty of other reasons I should quit and I'm sure with the soul searching I will be doing with my new sobriety, I will have plenty of sleepless nights to contemplate these things.

Again I want to thank you for the support. This step into talking to others about my problem was a scary one, but I can already tell it was the best one I have taken to date. Maybe soon I will take the next step into a face to face support group situation, but for now I am sincerely grateful for all of you.