Fourth step?
Dancing To My Own Beat
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Fourth step?
Hey ya'll. I am trying to learn more about a searching and fearless moral inventory. What am I inventorying? Is this where I get rid of all the dead weight I'm dragging around from the past, or is that something I am going to deal with in another way. I've read the step in "Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions" and "How Al-anon Works" and it's not very specific on what to do. Any guidelines or suggestions on literature would be appreciated. Thanks, Magic
Paused
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Yorkshire UK
Posts: 103
Hi Magic. If you go to Alanon meetings, ask for their 'Blueprint for Progress' book, which is the Alanon Fourth step inventory.
I found a site which reviews the Alanon literaure, if you want to take a look. I haven't had a real good look at the site, but I imagine you could order this book online, though most Alanon meetings will either have one in stock, or be able to order it for you. BEWARE!!! On first glance it will TERRIFY you!! It is a great guide to doing the fourth step, and really gets right down to the deep stuff.
http://www.booksunderreview.com/Heal...roups/Al-Anon/
I found a site which reviews the Alanon literaure, if you want to take a look. I haven't had a real good look at the site, but I imagine you could order this book online, though most Alanon meetings will either have one in stock, or be able to order it for you. BEWARE!!! On first glance it will TERRIFY you!! It is a great guide to doing the fourth step, and really gets right down to the deep stuff.
http://www.booksunderreview.com/Heal...roups/Al-Anon/
Dancing To My Own Beat
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Thanks for the review. I do have the "Blueprint for progress". I guess what I am looking for is some personal experience on the fourth step. It is sort of new ground to actually look at myself honestly. I am not a naturally honest person.
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Magic,
I tried all the recommended ways, and personally did not find the BluePrint for progess very helpful. Al Anon has another book called Paths to Recovery. It has questions and testimonials at the end of each chapter (on a step or a tradition) and that was the format I used for my 4th step.
Initially, I was terriifed by step 4, so much so that I dropped out of Al anon for about 2 yrs. At that time I just wasnt ready, and I certainly had not worked steps 1-3 adequately so I would be prepared for what lie ahead.
I heard a speaker talk about a flood. Her grandmother lived near a river, and they had a period of non stop torrential rains. She sat with her grandmother and watched the flood waters rise, and learned the true meaning of the word "powerless". The water came into her grandmothers home, and fortunately everyone survived. After the waters receded, they had to do an inventory. It was a simple process: look at each item and decide:
Does it work or not?
Do we still need it or not?
Can it be repaired?
Or is it time to throw it out?
You see, an inventory isnt about "good" or "bad" its just about what works and what doesnt, what needs to be repaired and what needs to be discarded. When I was able to view a 4th step inventory in that manner instead of thinking it was going to uncover every horrible thing that made me who I was.... then I was able to go forward and know that when I was done I would have a clear picture of what needed to be worked on and what I didnt need to lug around with me anymore!
I hope this helps. I have an outline of all of the questions from that chapter in the book. If you would like, I'll be happy to email them to you.
HUGS
Barb
I tried all the recommended ways, and personally did not find the BluePrint for progess very helpful. Al Anon has another book called Paths to Recovery. It has questions and testimonials at the end of each chapter (on a step or a tradition) and that was the format I used for my 4th step.
Initially, I was terriifed by step 4, so much so that I dropped out of Al anon for about 2 yrs. At that time I just wasnt ready, and I certainly had not worked steps 1-3 adequately so I would be prepared for what lie ahead.
I heard a speaker talk about a flood. Her grandmother lived near a river, and they had a period of non stop torrential rains. She sat with her grandmother and watched the flood waters rise, and learned the true meaning of the word "powerless". The water came into her grandmothers home, and fortunately everyone survived. After the waters receded, they had to do an inventory. It was a simple process: look at each item and decide:
Does it work or not?
Do we still need it or not?
Can it be repaired?
Or is it time to throw it out?
You see, an inventory isnt about "good" or "bad" its just about what works and what doesnt, what needs to be repaired and what needs to be discarded. When I was able to view a 4th step inventory in that manner instead of thinking it was going to uncover every horrible thing that made me who I was.... then I was able to go forward and know that when I was done I would have a clear picture of what needed to be worked on and what I didnt need to lug around with me anymore!
I hope this helps. I have an outline of all of the questions from that chapter in the book. If you would like, I'll be happy to email them to you.
HUGS
Barb
{tap}{tap}...Is this thing on?
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Getting There
Posts: 276
Magic,
Thank you for asking this question. I too am trying to get to the 4th Step and am looking for any insight that others have on how/what worked for them. Barb's recommendation is awesome (I am going to use it for my first Step 4 foray).
Another approach I read about was from AA big book, which recommended looking at the inventory like a shop keeper looks at whats in the back room.
What do you have
How much exists
Is it the right amount?
Do you need more/less?
Is it still something that is needed?
This helped me to look at the inventory as less of a "dissection" and rather an "observation", making it a more pleasing option. (Maybe this is one of my moral inventory items....
I will be working on this step myself and will share any useful thoughts from my sponsor.
Wishing you well,
Petunia
Thank you for asking this question. I too am trying to get to the 4th Step and am looking for any insight that others have on how/what worked for them. Barb's recommendation is awesome (I am going to use it for my first Step 4 foray).
Another approach I read about was from AA big book, which recommended looking at the inventory like a shop keeper looks at whats in the back room.
What do you have
How much exists
Is it the right amount?
Do you need more/less?
Is it still something that is needed?
This helped me to look at the inventory as less of a "dissection" and rather an "observation", making it a more pleasing option. (Maybe this is one of my moral inventory items....
I will be working on this step myself and will share any useful thoughts from my sponsor.
Wishing you well,
Petunia
Dancing To My Own Beat
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Thanks again. I am going to a meeting/holiday party tonight at my home group. I will check out "Paths". I've considered it before, but it is the most expensive book there, so I passed. I think I will give it to myself as a Christmas gift. What better than the gift of recovery.
Of course I'm uncomfortable taking a look at myself. It's like meeting a stranger that you've got preconceived ideas about. But I really do trust the program. I know that it is already working in my life, so why would it be any different with this. I really feel that God is guiding me.
I do have a sponsor. She has helped me a lot with the first three steps. Her idea of the fourth step was to "write down how you feel about things". I asked her for suggestions on literature. She said the same thing as Barb about "Blueprint", but no specific recomendations. She has been in Al-anon for 30 something years, and she seems to be a very well adjusted lady, so what she does has worked for her. I am just looking for guidelines to go by.
I have read the Big Book. Maybe I should re-read it. I never had an understanding of 1, 2, and 3, so maybe it will make more sense to me now.
Of course I'm uncomfortable taking a look at myself. It's like meeting a stranger that you've got preconceived ideas about. But I really do trust the program. I know that it is already working in my life, so why would it be any different with this. I really feel that God is guiding me.
I do have a sponsor. She has helped me a lot with the first three steps. Her idea of the fourth step was to "write down how you feel about things". I asked her for suggestions on literature. She said the same thing as Barb about "Blueprint", but no specific recomendations. She has been in Al-anon for 30 something years, and she seems to be a very well adjusted lady, so what she does has worked for her. I am just looking for guidelines to go by.
I have read the Big Book. Maybe I should re-read it. I never had an understanding of 1, 2, and 3, so maybe it will make more sense to me now.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 91
30 years of experience........I'd pay attention and just do as she suggests. She'll show the Big Book method when you're ready.
The BluePrint for Progress is very clear. You just answer those questions with as much honesty as you can.
It works. Remember, we Al-Anons love to complicate stuff......generally to avoid. *lol
Here's what I've learned. You don't have to do a perfect job at this. The real deal is taking the action.
Following the direction of your sponsor IS the real deal.
The BluePrint for Progress is very clear. You just answer those questions with as much honesty as you can.
It works. Remember, we Al-Anons love to complicate stuff......generally to avoid. *lol
Here's what I've learned. You don't have to do a perfect job at this. The real deal is taking the action.
Following the direction of your sponsor IS the real deal.
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Magic,
One thing that helped me is to know I can take this step as many times as I want. There are many "me's"...
There is the me in my marriage and the me as an employee. The me as a mother and the me as a friend. There is the me that was and the me that is. I had a hard time melding all the me's when I approached the 4th so I separated them.
When I began recovery I wrote and wrote and wrote. When it came time to do a fourth step I reviewed all that I had written and found some things that needed tossing and things worth keeping. I wrote about those things and presented them to my sponsor.
Me has many layers which is why my 4th has been done more than once. My HP has a way of bringing things to the front of my mind that need work...what are yours?
Hugs,
JT
One thing that helped me is to know I can take this step as many times as I want. There are many "me's"...
There is the me in my marriage and the me as an employee. The me as a mother and the me as a friend. There is the me that was and the me that is. I had a hard time melding all the me's when I approached the 4th so I separated them.
When I began recovery I wrote and wrote and wrote. When it came time to do a fourth step I reviewed all that I had written and found some things that needed tossing and things worth keeping. I wrote about those things and presented them to my sponsor.
Me has many layers which is why my 4th has been done more than once. My HP has a way of bringing things to the front of my mind that need work...what are yours?
Hugs,
JT
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