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Really need some help.. don't want to use

Old 12-23-2011, 08:52 PM
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Unhappy Really need some help.. don't want to use

Hi guys.. my name is ellie.. I am 19 years old, and i am really feeling down lately. Where do i start??.. I'll have a year clean/sober on February 8th.. but you know that feeling that everyone talks about in meetings? never feeling a part of? always feeling different.. i find that I still feel that way. and I hate it. I see all these young people my age forming cliques.. and doing things that are fun... i just can't seem to fit in anywhere. My outside appearance could fool you.. I don't look like I've ever had an issue fitting in.. but my entire life it has been this way. I've had an absence of emotion lately that has been worse then it has ever been. I've been isolating. and at the same time wanting to crawl out of my skin.. at a point where I feel like the only person who is worried about me, IS ME! all I do is work and then when I am not working (i work at a treatment center btw) i am inside my room with all the blinds closed, watching criminal minds for 5 hours straight!! only coming out to smoke a cigarette and I don't even feel like doing that lately. I haven't been eating.... I've reached out to my sponsor about it, told her I'm locking myself in my room at this point because I don't want to drink or get high. She just said OK sweetie, go to more meetings...... but meetings is most of the time where I find my discomfort. And I've even spoke about this in meetings, hoping people would reach out to me.. i just miss home. came to fl almost a year ago, leaving my home (NJ--) behind to fix my problem.. I find that I've become a bit 'dry'... I felt for a while that I could abstain, but could not handle it mentally and emotionally. Now I feel that I cannot handle abstaining from drugs and alcohol, OR the emotional roller coaster I've been on. I don't want to ruin how far I have come. please can anyone relate? please share on isolation, emotional relapse BEFORE the relapse... etc!!
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Old 12-23-2011, 09:12 PM
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Hi ellie. I'm sorry you are feeling so down. I do know that as bad as you feel now, using will only make you feel worse after the buzz wears off. I think a lot of us get pretty down now and then and we want to isolate. When I get depressed, I tend to do that. Have you ever tried to meet any of the people in your meetings and get to know them? You already have one big thing in common with them and that is recovery. You may just surprise yourself if you just step out of your comfort zone a little.
Therre is also a lot of support on this site. Hang in there.
God bless.
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Old 12-23-2011, 09:25 PM
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Sober is better than not

Originally Posted by blackbird7094 View Post
Hi guys.. my name is ellie.. I am 19 years old, and i am really feeling down lately. Where do i start??.. I'll have a year clean/sober on February 8th.. but you know that feeling that everyone talks about in meetings? never feeling a part of? always feeling different.. i find that I still feel that way. and I hate it. I see all these young people my age forming cliques.. and doing things that are fun... i just can't seem to fit in anywhere. My outside appearance could fool you.. I don't look like I've ever had an issue fitting in.. but my entire life it has been this way. I've had an absence of emotion lately that has been worse then it has ever been. I've been isolating. and at the same time wanting to crawl out of my skin.. at a point where I feel like the only person who is worried about me, IS ME! all I do is work and then when I am not working (i work at a treatment center btw) i am inside my room with all the blinds closed, watching criminal minds for 5 hours straight!! only coming out to smoke a cigarette and I don't even feel like doing that lately. I haven't been eating.... I've reached out to my sponsor about it, told her I'm locking myself in my room at this point because I don't want to drink or get high. She just said OK sweetie, go to more meetings...... but meetings is most of the time where I find my discomfort. And I've even spoke about this in meetings, hoping people would reach out to me.. i just miss home. came to fl almost a year ago, leaving my home (NJ--) behind to fix my problem.. I find that I've become a bit 'dry'... I felt for a while that I could abstain, but could not handle it mentally and emotionally. Now I feel that I cannot handle abstaining from drugs and alcohol, OR the emotional roller coaster I've been on. I don't want to ruin how far I have come. please can anyone relate? please share on isolation, emotional relapse BEFORE the relapse... etc!!
I'm 1 year 5 months 22 days sober, 102 days off crack. I haven't had any continious serenity. I've been an addict twice as long as you've been alive, and I congratulate you on your year of sobriety. Right know things may be, say, not so good, but they would be worse if you used. I go to meetings on a regular basis and I dont always hear what I want to hear. AA or rehab can help you stay sober/straight and thats what helps me stay sober. In the long run drugs and alcohol just wont work to solve problems that you'll face. I wish I could tell you what to do with your life, but that wouldn't work either. My emotional roller coaster ride is better if I dont use, and I believe yours will be better to if you dont use. Ya now something, I just "suffer through" the temptation and I feel better about myself because I do. One of the things I do is, "Play the tape all the way through", sure the buzz is goona make me feel alright for a short period of time, but the crash usually last twice as long as the buzz, and then Im broke and even worse sometimes. Hang in there, youre better off being straight. Merry Christmas
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Old 12-23-2011, 09:46 PM
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Hi, Ellie.

Welcome to SR. I can imagine the additional social challenges of quitting at your age. Some good suggestions already. Sometimes, when I feel the need to get outside of myself, I've benefitted from doing volunteer work. They have all kinds of ways to help here; repairing park trails, helping at a wildlife shelter, working at museums, all kinds of stuff. Might be a good way to meet people who are less into cliques, too.

Glad you found SR. You'll get a lot of support here.
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Old 12-23-2011, 09:48 PM
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Hi blackbird -

The others are right about not using - it will just take you further down. Have you talked to a doctor or psychiatrist about your depression?

I had a bit of a rough time my first Christmas..... lots of emotions and a bit of sadness for some reason. I think it's pretty common, and not just for alcoholics. I found that I just had to wait it out and do the best I could - this Christmas has been much easier and more enjoyable.

Don't let people fool you when they look like they have it all together or "fit in" - down deep, everyone is insecure. It's hard to be 19, too. Just remember your sobriety is the greatest gift you can give yourself.
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