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My 2nd AA Meeting...Confused

Old 12-22-2011, 05:49 PM
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My 2nd AA Meeting...Confused

I have just returned from my second AA meeting. It was an all womens meeting. I met some really nice people there. They are urging me to get a sponser. This is really hard for me to grasp. I don't know what the roll of a sponser is? Do I really need one at this point? I'm not sure? To me this is such a personal experiance. Admitting that I have a problem with alcohol is the hardest thing I think I have ever done. This actually means that I can never ever have another drink. I have thought about this for years but always convinced myself that I didn't have a problem because I've never had any consequenses for my drinking. Only what I have put on myself. I have never been the type of person that asked for help from anyone. This is all so new to me. I'm feeling weak and defeated right now. Can anyone relate? I was so positive earlier in the day. I'm still not wanting to drink. I just don't want to talk about it or seem weak.

I've got a copy of the BB and am going to start reading it. Maybe it will have some of the answers I am seeking.
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Old 12-22-2011, 06:03 PM
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Welcome raqbord...Yeah I'd recommend reading that book...That's the manual for the 12 steps...The instructions are in the first 103 pages and The Doctors Opinion in the beginning...Read those first and then read them again. Getting a sponsor is just getting someone that has been where you are right now...Has worked the steps and preferably has their own sponsor...All a sponsor is is someone to help you..Answer questions and guide you through the steps...I would recommend it...Relax...Take a deep breath...These are good people like you that will help you.
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Old 12-22-2011, 06:06 PM
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By the way I was terrified when I went to my first meeting...And now these people are the best friends I've ever had. That's no lie.
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Old 12-22-2011, 06:48 PM
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Hi, I can definitely relate. I tried to quit drinking and go to aa last year. There were very many helpful people but I, like you, did not want to speak. My experience with my sponsor lasted for about 2 months. I could go 21 days without drinking but that was it.

When I attended i just wanted to listen and take it all in. 5 yrs ago I got a dui but I didnt try aa till last year. My life has been crazy for 7 years since my husband passed away. I never drank and drove in my life...then I found myself alone and sad so out I went. The reason Im telling you this is because you said you never had any consequences for your drinking...the more you drink the better the odds for some kind of consequence.
I believe in AA, but i think everyone should go at their own pace...there is no 1 set way how to do it...i hope you find a good sponsor when you are ready...I hope I do too!
I want my life back....I've been in a fog for seven years self medicating...Im tired but IM ready.
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Old 12-22-2011, 07:01 PM
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I'd suggest you take your time, and first off decide whether you want to become active in AA. Many people find AA very helpful, but others find other approaches more suitable to them (SMART Recovery, RR, LifeRing, SOS, Women for Sobriety, etc.), and some people don't use any "program" at all (lots of people here on SR got sober using only the support they've received here). Think about what approach will best suit you (keeping in mind that you can always change as you learn new things).

If you do decide that AA is right for you, or that you're going to incorporate AA meetings into your personal approach to recovery, then decide if you're going to utilize a sponsor. If so, then choose carefully. A good sponsor can be wonderful (I was lucky enough to have an excellent one, when I was in AA) but not everyone is cut out for this role, and it's best to know a bit about the person you ask. I had been sober for 6 weeks or so when I chose my sponsor.

I did leave the AA program several years ago and joined SMART, which doesn't use sponsorship. However, my former AA sponsor is still one of my best friends.
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Old 12-22-2011, 07:01 PM
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Welcome

Well admitting your an alcoholic was the hardest thing, but know you know whats wrong

As for a sponsor dont super rush look for someone that has what you want , then ask.

But yes you need one its a WE program

Just keep going it will all fall into place and then you can start working the program.I am glad to hear you got the Big Book already for the first 164 pages are the manual. The answers are in there. hug

Good love , Inda
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Old 12-22-2011, 07:03 PM
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Sorry one other thing about the sponsor part, I tell people this all the time. Please dont stress about it , your not getting married, if you dont like them you can find someone else.

No problem .
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Old 12-22-2011, 07:08 PM
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Originally Posted by onlythetruth View Post
I did leave the AA program several years ago and joined SMART, which doesn't use sponsorship. However, my former AA sponsor is still one of my best friends.
Hey Truth...Did you ever take the 12 steps?
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Old 12-22-2011, 07:27 PM
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I suggest asking these questions in person. Also ask for the pamphlet on sponsorship. The stepwork is where you will find yourself. You will find most people there are just like you in how they felt. I enjoyed my independence, too! Today I need help.
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Old 12-22-2011, 07:32 PM
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It will be comforting for you to have a good group of friends in AA. Even if you end up not going you still know the secret handshake and will always have that connection with those people.
As for the sponsor...that is up to you. You will know when you have found the right person -it will click.
I personally didn't ever attain one. I know a friend of mine and her sponser are besties but for me, well, I have not found that connection.
I am the type to let the universe plan my next step. Things are placed in my path it is up to me to decipher the significance in my journey. If someone crosses my path I feel connected with then by all means will I continue a relationship.
No rush...patience in the key...
Wishing you peace in your sobriety.
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Old 12-22-2011, 07:44 PM
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I found that just reading the Big Book was very reassuring and comforting and helped keep all those fears at bay. I read it many times...
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Old 12-22-2011, 08:05 PM
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This link should help you out understanding what the role of a sponsor is.

Congrats on making the first step on this journey of recovery!

LINK: http://www.aa.org/pdf/products/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf
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Old 12-22-2011, 11:28 PM
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Have you taken step one? Do you admit you are powerless over alcohol? That your life had become unmanageable?

Do you intend to work the steps?

If so you need a sponsor.
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Old 12-22-2011, 11:36 PM
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Originally Posted by raqbord View Post
This actually means that I can never ever have another drink.
No, it just means that we won't drink today and not plan on drinking tomorrow. 24 hours a day is all we need to be sober.

The Big Book has some some great reading for the newcomer. My favorite story in the 4th addition is "Out The Window" (or something like that name and about page 436 - my BB is in my car at the moment).

I found myself in many of the stories there.
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Old 12-23-2011, 12:27 AM
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I don't think you should be rushed into anything.

At the moment you are going to AA meetings, absorbing the messages and getting moral support from the other members. The fact that you have admitted that you are an alcoholic means that you have completed Step 1, which is the most fundamental step. That alone may be enough for you to continue successfully. I've met several people in AA who have been sober for many, many years who have never got a sponsor and done the 12 Steps. They just attend meetings, do service and form friendships.

Plenty of others will tell you though that success is impossible without getting a sponsor and doing the 12 steps. For them that may be true, but I'm not convinced that it is true for everyone. But some members of AA are almost evangelical about the whole program and believe that it is the ONLY approach that will work. Which is not true, I think.

The decision to do the 12 steps and get a sponsor should be your own personal choice, and you should make that choice when and if you are ready. I'm not sure that rushing into these things without proper consideration will achieve much.

Take your time. Continue going to meetings. Find out what it is involved in doing the program and make your decision from there.

Me and my husband have been in sobriety and attending AA for four months. My husband gets a lot out of the meetings, but he doesn't feel that he would gain anything from doing the program and getting a sponsor. Until very recently I felt much the same way, but just lately I've started to think that I might benefit from doing the program. No-one has put any pressure on me - it has been my decision made in my own sweet time. But if anyone had tried to hassle me into it before I was ready, I don't think I would have lasted long in AA.
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Old 12-23-2011, 12:44 AM
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It is a shock to learn that in doing AA as you go along you'll often need to do things you wouldn't care to do.

The crowd that does those things even though they like to do them no better than yourself get terrific results. The vastly larger crowd chooses not to do them or intends to do them someday this time around the track, and get the results of their inaction.

Having been a member of both crowds, I tell you being in the former works out better than being in the latter.
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Old 12-23-2011, 02:34 AM
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Originally Posted by KarrieJay View Post
I don't think you should be rushed into anything.

At the moment you are going to AA meetings, absorbing the messages and getting moral support from the other members. The fact that you have admitted that you are an alcoholic means that you have completed Step 1, which is the most fundamental step. That alone may be enough for you to continue successfully. I've met several people in AA who have been sober for many, many years who have never got a sponsor and done the 12 Steps. They just attend meetings, do service and form friendships.

Plenty of others will tell you though that success is impossible without getting a sponsor and doing the 12 steps. For them that may be true, but I'm not convinced that it is true for everyone. But some members of AA are almost evangelical about the whole program and believe that it is the ONLY approach that will work. Which is not true, I think.
I simply followed the directions in the book.

Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. Pg 58


Originally Posted by KarrieJay View Post
The decision to do the 12 steps and get a sponsor should be your own personal choice, and you should make that choice when and if you are ready. I'm not sure that rushing into these things without proper consideration will achieve much.

Take your time. Continue going to meetings. Find out what it is involved in doing the program and make your decision from there.
It didn't take me long to figure this out. That's what I wanted.

If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it-then you are ready to take certain steps. Pg 58

Originally Posted by KarrieJay View Post
Me and my husband have been in sobriety and attending AA for four months. My husband gets a lot out of the meetings, but he doesn't feel that he would gain anything from doing the program and getting a sponsor. Until very recently I felt much the same way, but just lately I've started to think that I might benefit from doing the program. No-one has put any pressure on me - it has been my decision made in my own sweet time. But if anyone had tried to hassle me into it before I was ready, I don't think I would have lasted long in AA.
With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely. Pg 58

You can either do it by the book...Which is the AA program...Or you can go to meetings. I wanted what they had....I followed the directions. I'm sorry Karrie...I've seen too many people try it your way....And they are out drinking. I think my sponsor would agree with me.
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Old 12-23-2011, 03:13 AM
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Secret handshake....?

Originally Posted by EmeraldRose View Post
It will be comforting for you to have a good group of friends in AA. Even if you end up not going you still know the secret handshake and will always have that connection with those people.
As for the sponsor...that is up to you. You will know when you have found the right person -it will click.
I personally didn't ever attain one. I know a friend of mine and her sponser are besties but for me, well, I have not found that connection.
I am the type to let the universe plan my next step. Things are placed in my path it is up to me to decipher the significance in my journey. If someone crosses my path I feel connected with then by all means will I continue a relationship.
No rush...patience in the key...
Wishing you peace in your sobriety.
Secret handshake?

Wait a minute! Maybe I've been missing something!

FT
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Old 12-23-2011, 03:20 AM
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Originally Posted by Sapling View Post
You can either do it by the book...Which is the AA program...Or you can go to meetings. I wanted what they had....I followed the directions. I'm sorry Karrie...I've seen too many people try it your way....And they are out drinking. I think my sponsor would agree with me.
Surely every person is different Sapling?

I understand what you are saying and you're right - the AA program has worked successfully for millions of people. I have personally met many people who follow the program successfully. However, I've also seen people who have failed on the program. I'm sure there is a reason for that. Perhaps the message isn't getting through to them, maybe they haven't been honest with themselves or they struggle with the "Higher Power" concept. But for whatever reason, for them, the program hasn't worked.

I've also seen people on this forum who successfully abstain from alcohol using other programs than the 12 steps of AA.

It's different strokes for different folks.

Personally, I'm going to join the AA program. I've found a person that I want to ask to be my sponsor and if I can summon up the courage, I will be asking them on Wednesday. But it's taken four months for me to get to this stage and personally, I needed every moment of that time. I know for a certain fact that if people had been telling me on my second meeting that I HAD to get a sponsor and I HAD to do the 12 steps, I would never have made it to a third meeting.
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Old 12-23-2011, 03:24 AM
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Maybe it was because I read the book a couple times before I ever went to a meeting...I don't know...Seemed pretty clear to me. Whatever works for you...That's all that counts.
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