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My worst nightmare happend...and it was GREAT!

Old 12-22-2011, 02:16 PM
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My worst nightmare happend...and it was GREAT!

I've been sober for about four months now, and one of my biggest worries when I decided to stop was how I would cope if anyone put pressure on me to drink. There is a huge "drinking culture" here in the UK and it has tripped me up in the past.

But I was pleasantly surprised by the reaction of my friends. None of them put pressure on me to drink! Most of them don't seem to care that I'm not drinking, and were almost bemused by the fact that I mentioned it at all. One of them asked me why I stopped, and I just said that I can't handle it these days. She ended up admitting that she thinks she drinks too much herself and would like to cut down.

On the whole, people were so uninterested in my non-drinking that I began to think that my worries were paranoid.........and then it happened. I went out with my colleagues after work to the company's Christmas "do". It's a typical "drinking" event and my colleagues reaction to my non-drinking was everything I'd feared.

When I got to the event, I went to the bar for a Lime & Soda and then joined a group of colleagues that I've known for years. They were all on the wine and beer, and when they noticed my Lime & Soda, they immediately started questioning me, very persistently, about why I wasn't drinking. "Why aren't you drinking"? "Are you on a health kick"? "Are you driving"? "Have you given up drinking"?etc. I just said that I didn't want to drink, and they were visibly shocked by that answer. It was almost as if I'd admitted to a crime or something. They kept going on and on about it and were really badgering me and because I wasn't expecting it, I felt ambushed and cornered. For a second, I thought I was going to run out of the room.

But the feeling passed almost immediately, and then I just felt a weird mix of annoyance and pity. Annoyance that they felt qualified to question my choices, and pity that they obviously felt that it was impossible to enjoy a social event whilst completely sober.

I eventually told them, nicely, to back off. I explained that I didn't want to drink, I was having a nice time without it and it was none of their business anyway. I pointed out that I wasn't trying to monitor their behavior, and I'd prefer if they didn't try and monitor mine. And I finished by asking "What's it to you anyway?". To their credit, they did back off and from that point on they were fine.

The rest of the evening was great. A different experience than in previous years, but still good. I left earlier than I would have done previously, but I left sober, with my dignity intact and with the full knowledge that no-one would be gossiping about me in the office the next day.

I'd would have been nice to think that everyone would just respect my choice, but that was always a bit much to hope for. So I'm glad it happened. I'm pretty certain that if it had happened in my first week of sobriety it would have broken my resolve, but I'm stronger now and I feel that my reaction to it showed that. And I now know I can handle other people's reaction.

If they can't handle me not drinking, it tells me more about them than they'd probably want me to know.
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Old 12-22-2011, 02:27 PM
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way to go KarrieJay!

D
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Old 12-22-2011, 02:41 PM
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Well done! :ghug3

I have had only one person try that and I told him that he didn't need my permission to drink, and I didn't need his not to. I told him to get over it. I was his drinking buddy, and now was his non-drinking buddy. I could also abstain from being his buddy if that was what he wanted too, much easier than abstaining from alcohol, and I did that fine.

I have had several ask me how I stopped and that they needed to stop too. But these were acquaintances not close friends. Believe it or not I am the only drinker among my close friends and family, and was never slurry or stumbly or aggressive around them. So no issues there. They all told me fine or that I didn't have a problem and to just cut down if it was bothering me.

But by and large nobody really cares but me. I am sure every one of us has had someone who doesn't drink decline and we tried to be a good host and insist thinking they were just declining out of politeness. And they had to get a bit firmer with us. Well now we know how they felt except we have to get over our shame and get our self worth back in order before we can huff and realize it is their problem not ours.

I also am now one of those strange people who leave early and miss all the fun after about 8 or 9 PM when the fun just gets started in the drinkers minds. I never understood them before and thought they were just unfriendly.

They weren't. They were like I am now, just finding the drunks worse than loud and boring, and politely leaving and saying goodbye while they could still say my name. I too now leave them to their dramas and regrets.

You know now too.

Thanks for bringing it up for the newbies, they too can prevail.
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Old 12-22-2011, 02:48 PM
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Originally Posted by KarrieJay View Post
If they can't handle me not drinking, it tells me more about them than they'd probably want me to know.
ABSOLUTELY! Well Done girl!
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Old 12-22-2011, 02:50 PM
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Awesome KarrrieJay

What a beautiful feeling after leaving , like you said no worries about walking back in the office the next working day looking around for clues.

Have a lovely holiday
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Old 12-22-2011, 03:10 PM
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Thanks for the comments guys.

It was a big deal for me, so I'm hugely relieved to have jumped that hurdle. It's the first time I've ever done it.

One of the reasons I drank was because I didn't think people would like me when I was sober. I thought that I was more interesting / confident / funny etc. with a drink inside me. So in previous attempts at sobriety, I've tended to isolate myself in order to stay sober. The moment I tried to socialise, I'd worry about being dull and boring and start drinking again. This is the first time I've ever tried socialising sober and it was a huge relief to realise that most people don't care whether I drink or not.

But I was very worried that if people put pressure on me drink, I'd start thinking that they were doing it because they didn't like the new, sober KarrieJay and wanted to the old one back. Possibly some of them do want the old KarrieJay back (serious drinkers don't like to be around sober people much), but I'm starting to realise that that's more their problem than mine, and I can handle that.
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Old 12-22-2011, 06:15 PM
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Good for you
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Old 12-22-2011, 06:29 PM
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Great Job

I avoid group situations as much as possible, some people can really be forceful so they can feel better about themselves in front of others.
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Old 12-22-2011, 06:44 PM
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Ha ha great post - well done.

Funny thing is I can see my past self(still drinking) as one of those who were at you to have a drink. Funny how things can change lol

Stu.
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Old 12-22-2011, 08:30 PM
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Taking control of your life, I see. Good for you!
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Old 12-22-2011, 08:48 PM
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Major major congrats! And isn't it nice that you admitting that you can't handle it anymore may have had a positive effect on someone else's life? I've had a similar experience with friends kind of grilling me about my sudden alcohol adversion at first but when I explained (without any drama) that it just wasn't the path I wanted my life to go in anymore, they were cool.

I think some people grill others about abstinence because either they honestly don't understand what an alcoholic's drinking life is or they think people who abstain are being judgmental over drinkers. When people understand that it's a personal choice and not a reflection of the people around the abstainer, they seem to be less likely to cause a fuss.
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Old 12-23-2011, 06:47 AM
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For years the the idea of quitting was so incomprehensible to me that someone might as well have told me they were growing an extra leg as giving up alcohol. Weird.

I did a Christmas party the night before last and couldn't leave early because it was at my house. There was whiskey, wine, and beer. I wasn't even tempted. My AV really speaks to me when I'm alone. That ****** is a bully. As the evening progressed drinking became less and less romantic.

We're going to get through this holiday sober!
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