Parent of Addict
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 3
Parent of Addict
Hi,
Hopefully i'm posting in the right thread. I'm the mother of a young woman in her late 20's who is a drug addict. Started by smoking pot and then apparently began injecting heroin. A beautiful young girl i no longer recognise. Over the past year i have tried to help because local agencies seemed to be doing very little. She has been attacked multiple times but because she is a drug addict gets very little help or sympathy from local police who treat her like a dog. Finally a few months ago i wrote to my MP as my daughter had been placed on methadone for over a year and was spiralling downwards. They seemed content to just put her on methadone on forget about her. I wasn't going to let that happen. Thankfully our MP stepped in and last week she was placed in a local rehab centre. I went to her flat on the morning she was going in and have to be honest and say she was vile to me. Everything was my fault. I was warned this could happen so i carried on helping her pack. I thought she would be in initial detox rehab for 6 weeks and then go to secondary which is a place still local for 3-6 months for the follow up counselling and help etc. She has since phoned me once and said she could be out in 3 weeks. My question is how can 3 weeks or even 6 in rehab cure her of her addiction or stop her being tempted when she comes out. I understand they will take her off all methadone etc but how does that help her in her mind. In three weeks she could be going straight back to the same flat, same people she mixes with, same local drug dealers etc and same police harrassment. She seems to think it will be fine but I know she's itching to leave after a week and to be honest i'm angry at her and everyone else. I know i'm naive in respect of drugs but i've had no communication with anyone and have no idea what to do. I have a 16 year old at home to worry about to. That 16 year old went to her flat with me a couple of days ago to help me clean it. I am so upset at what i know he saw. We found needles everywhere with an orange substance in the tip. We found hundreds of black boxes which i think were given to her to put her needles safely after use. The problem is so much worse than she led me to believe. She told me she used heroin only for a couple of months a long time ago. its obvious she is a persistent user and was still using up to when she went in. I have removed all needles and poured two small bottles labelled methadone down the sink.
She wants me to visit her this week. I'm devasted. I feel responsible for her and i'm terrified one day she will die. Will they just let her out after three weeks and she's on her own? She already has an asbo because of the drug use problems and things shes done on drugs, so the local authority won't move her. Sometimes i feel horrible because i just want to walk away and protect my son from it all. I'm so tired of her getting arrested, going to court for various things and feel that i am letting her down but its been going on for years.
Has anyone any advice for me at all? I'm at a loss as to what to do or what to expect. Surely 3 or even 6 weeks isn't long enough.
Thanks for any help
Hopefully i'm posting in the right thread. I'm the mother of a young woman in her late 20's who is a drug addict. Started by smoking pot and then apparently began injecting heroin. A beautiful young girl i no longer recognise. Over the past year i have tried to help because local agencies seemed to be doing very little. She has been attacked multiple times but because she is a drug addict gets very little help or sympathy from local police who treat her like a dog. Finally a few months ago i wrote to my MP as my daughter had been placed on methadone for over a year and was spiralling downwards. They seemed content to just put her on methadone on forget about her. I wasn't going to let that happen. Thankfully our MP stepped in and last week she was placed in a local rehab centre. I went to her flat on the morning she was going in and have to be honest and say she was vile to me. Everything was my fault. I was warned this could happen so i carried on helping her pack. I thought she would be in initial detox rehab for 6 weeks and then go to secondary which is a place still local for 3-6 months for the follow up counselling and help etc. She has since phoned me once and said she could be out in 3 weeks. My question is how can 3 weeks or even 6 in rehab cure her of her addiction or stop her being tempted when she comes out. I understand they will take her off all methadone etc but how does that help her in her mind. In three weeks she could be going straight back to the same flat, same people she mixes with, same local drug dealers etc and same police harrassment. She seems to think it will be fine but I know she's itching to leave after a week and to be honest i'm angry at her and everyone else. I know i'm naive in respect of drugs but i've had no communication with anyone and have no idea what to do. I have a 16 year old at home to worry about to. That 16 year old went to her flat with me a couple of days ago to help me clean it. I am so upset at what i know he saw. We found needles everywhere with an orange substance in the tip. We found hundreds of black boxes which i think were given to her to put her needles safely after use. The problem is so much worse than she led me to believe. She told me she used heroin only for a couple of months a long time ago. its obvious she is a persistent user and was still using up to when she went in. I have removed all needles and poured two small bottles labelled methadone down the sink.
She wants me to visit her this week. I'm devasted. I feel responsible for her and i'm terrified one day she will die. Will they just let her out after three weeks and she's on her own? She already has an asbo because of the drug use problems and things shes done on drugs, so the local authority won't move her. Sometimes i feel horrible because i just want to walk away and protect my son from it all. I'm so tired of her getting arrested, going to court for various things and feel that i am letting her down but its been going on for years.
Has anyone any advice for me at all? I'm at a loss as to what to do or what to expect. Surely 3 or even 6 weeks isn't long enough.
Thanks for any help
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Texas, a state of mind
Posts: 380
First, i am so sorry for this devastating situation. I know, or can guess, how you as a mother must be agonizing about so many things. Good for you for contacting your MP and good for him or her in responding.
Secondly, definitely visit her. Give her no money and don't believe anything she says; she is going through a physical and mental ordeal that will make her say anything. You might meet with guilt trips, recriminations, lamb-like repentance and promises, anything and everything. It will all be BS at this early date.
But while you are there, get the names of the attending physicians, nurses, counselors, whomever you can ascertain has been working with your daughter and follow up with them as to the seriousness of your concern. Tell them what you found in the flat. Get the straight story about the program's duration.
I have been there with a family member, heroin, and methadone. I am not a fan of methadone but it could just be the way it failed in this particular situation.
Keep your head on straight, take care of your family who are outside and helping you cope, and take care of yourself.
Again very sorry, and prayers for you and your family.
Secondly, definitely visit her. Give her no money and don't believe anything she says; she is going through a physical and mental ordeal that will make her say anything. You might meet with guilt trips, recriminations, lamb-like repentance and promises, anything and everything. It will all be BS at this early date.
But while you are there, get the names of the attending physicians, nurses, counselors, whomever you can ascertain has been working with your daughter and follow up with them as to the seriousness of your concern. Tell them what you found in the flat. Get the straight story about the program's duration.
I have been there with a family member, heroin, and methadone. I am not a fan of methadone but it could just be the way it failed in this particular situation.
Keep your head on straight, take care of your family who are outside and helping you cope, and take care of yourself.
Again very sorry, and prayers for you and your family.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 3
Thank you for that lovely reply. I have phoned them and they're going to see if i can visit her soon. its so hard though. I'm a single parent with no other family locally and i'm finding it so hard. Apparently she can have spending money in there and they go to the shop for her, for personal items. She's on benefits but they keep most towards costs and give her £20 a week out of it. She can't go out at all herself, although she can walk off the program if she wishes. I hope she sticks it out.
*Grateful*
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,619
I would visit her and tell her you love her. You do not have to love the behavior to love the addict. When I was in my addiction I just needed my mother to tell me she loved me and that there was hope. I was trying and struggling to be perfect for her for so long. We have a great relationship today and I am clean and sober but she still nit picks at me. I have learned this is her problem not mine and I no longer live to please my mother but the Lord.
Good advice on no money though for her!
Good advice on no money though for her!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Welcome to SR.
You should try the friends and family forum here as well.
I don't know some of your UK terminology, particularly "MP" and "asbo", but I do know that a lot of government treatment sucks over here too.
Good luck and keep posting.
You should try the friends and family forum here as well.
I don't know some of your UK terminology, particularly "MP" and "asbo", but I do know that a lot of government treatment sucks over here too.
Good luck and keep posting.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 3
Thanks ) for the replies. I do make sure to always say I love her no matter what. I've always done that her whole life and still do it now. MP stands for member of parliament and an asbo is an anti social behaviour order which people can get if they do anything anti social such as loud music, shouting in the street or just generally causing problems. Its handed out really liberally here usually to younger people. It is a civil order and you don't have to have committed a criminal offence to get one but if you break it, you can go to prison.
Even when she comes out though she's going to be under strain. She has upcoming court appearances for shop lifting and apparently having a personal small daily bottle of methadone on her that was the wrong date. I'm confused about that one because she doesn't even know which day it is. Was given three days worth over the weekend and took one in her bag which was dated for the day after. That's an offence apparently even though it was hers.
I feel so much better now because i felt really alone before and came across this forum by accident.
Thanks everyone
Even when she comes out though she's going to be under strain. She has upcoming court appearances for shop lifting and apparently having a personal small daily bottle of methadone on her that was the wrong date. I'm confused about that one because she doesn't even know which day it is. Was given three days worth over the weekend and took one in her bag which was dated for the day after. That's an offence apparently even though it was hers.
I feel so much better now because i felt really alone before and came across this forum by accident.
Thanks everyone
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Texas, a state of mind
Posts: 380
You might also find some useful information and comfort in this forum location:
methadone maintenance detox
Thinking of you today and wishing you well.
methadone maintenance detox
Thinking of you today and wishing you well.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Maryland
Posts: 106
Hi Xenoyia. There is some great information in this thread. I am so sorry you are experiencing the destruction of addiction first hand.
As for your question about 3 weeks being enough time or not, it is really difficult to say. If she returns immediatley to the same people, places and things, without a plan or program of recovery, it may be difficult. But if she has a plan in place in a program of recovery, and she begins working that plan immediately it is very possible that she will succeed. Rehab is not a cure, but it provides you with many solutions, you have to work for it though. At some point she has to face the real world again and hopefully she takes what she has learned with with her, and continues with her plan.
I was only in rehab for 2 weeks. I left rehab on a Monday and before even going home that day I went straight to an AA meeting. That was 5 months ago. There are very few days I don't miss a meeting....I enjoy them. I use the tools I was given in rehab and in AA on a daily basis and I have not even considered having a drink in the last few months. So yes, 3 weeks can be plenty of time, if she works at sobriety when she is released.
As for your question about 3 weeks being enough time or not, it is really difficult to say. If she returns immediatley to the same people, places and things, without a plan or program of recovery, it may be difficult. But if she has a plan in place in a program of recovery, and she begins working that plan immediately it is very possible that she will succeed. Rehab is not a cure, but it provides you with many solutions, you have to work for it though. At some point she has to face the real world again and hopefully she takes what she has learned with with her, and continues with her plan.
I was only in rehab for 2 weeks. I left rehab on a Monday and before even going home that day I went straight to an AA meeting. That was 5 months ago. There are very few days I don't miss a meeting....I enjoy them. I use the tools I was given in rehab and in AA on a daily basis and I have not even considered having a drink in the last few months. So yes, 3 weeks can be plenty of time, if she works at sobriety when she is released.
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