Serenity?
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Serenity?
Hi everyone. I am 44 days sober and feeling pretty great! 
I have so many things on my mind today. I just feel like sharing my thoughts and what's been going on with me.
I had a great time at AA last night. I feel grateful for the women who are helping me. When I was skiing over the weekend I saw a sign that said aspen trees are connected to each other by their roots underground, and that there are huge groves of aspen trees that depend on each other for survival. It made me think of AA. I'm also seeing how the steps all work together and the reason there are people there to help me is that they have worked the steps and found happiness themselves and want to pass it on, so, I need to start doing the steps. Just these realizations have made me feel so much better, and right now connection with other human beings and with myself and the world around me is the kind of spirituality I'm claiming for myself.
It's weird that I have this good feeling because I have a lot of things going on, which would normally worry me and which do kind of worry me... I am leaving my job after my holiday vacation but no one knows yet, and I feel a lot of guilt whenever they talk to me about projects for next year, like I'm being sneaky by not telling them I'm leaving. And even though I have hated this place and couldn't wait to get out of here and now I have the chance, suddenly I'm seeing my part in things and having regrets and guilt about the way I've handled things, and fears about leaving and giving up the good parts and not being around to help my boss etc... even though I know rationally that there are issues here and it's not the best place for me and I want a new start (and that they will move on and be fine without me, not to mention that some of them will be very happy I'm leaving.
I just feel kind of stuck in the past and anxious to begin something new. But it isn't bothering me today as much as it has been. It's like overall there is a calm and a happiness. I read this quote (on a refrigerator magnent, ha ha) I thought was great and wanted to pass on to you guys: "Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart." - Unknown
I feel like I have had huge ups and downs in sobriety so far but overall things have been much better than when I was drinking. And the more I take action and try my hardest, the better I feel. The only thing that is really bothering me right now is my boyfriend and our relationship... it's like, the more into sobriety I get, the more he drinks.
I feel like my recovery is creating this huge distance between us. I think in the past I wouldn't notice or care too much about how much he drank because I was drinking too. Now I can't help but notice! It isn't healthy and it's not what I want but I also know I can't just expect him to change right now because I have changed and am changing. I think he is scared and so he resorts to drinking even more. We keep talking about it and I am hoping for the best but I feel sad for him and for us. I guess that is the one thing that really feels like a downer right now; but overall things feel really great. It's strange that I feel great for myself but crappy for him/us. I guess the good thing is that I am focused on my own recovery and know that no matter what happens with him or us, I have to keep going, and doing that helps me feel happy no matter what is going on elsewhere.
Is this the meaning of serenity?
I have so many things on my mind today. I just feel like sharing my thoughts and what's been going on with me. I had a great time at AA last night. I feel grateful for the women who are helping me. When I was skiing over the weekend I saw a sign that said aspen trees are connected to each other by their roots underground, and that there are huge groves of aspen trees that depend on each other for survival. It made me think of AA. I'm also seeing how the steps all work together and the reason there are people there to help me is that they have worked the steps and found happiness themselves and want to pass it on, so, I need to start doing the steps. Just these realizations have made me feel so much better, and right now connection with other human beings and with myself and the world around me is the kind of spirituality I'm claiming for myself.
It's weird that I have this good feeling because I have a lot of things going on, which would normally worry me and which do kind of worry me... I am leaving my job after my holiday vacation but no one knows yet, and I feel a lot of guilt whenever they talk to me about projects for next year, like I'm being sneaky by not telling them I'm leaving. And even though I have hated this place and couldn't wait to get out of here and now I have the chance, suddenly I'm seeing my part in things and having regrets and guilt about the way I've handled things, and fears about leaving and giving up the good parts and not being around to help my boss etc... even though I know rationally that there are issues here and it's not the best place for me and I want a new start (and that they will move on and be fine without me, not to mention that some of them will be very happy I'm leaving.
I just feel kind of stuck in the past and anxious to begin something new. But it isn't bothering me today as much as it has been. It's like overall there is a calm and a happiness. I read this quote (on a refrigerator magnent, ha ha) I thought was great and wanted to pass on to you guys: "Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart." - Unknown
I feel like I have had huge ups and downs in sobriety so far but overall things have been much better than when I was drinking. And the more I take action and try my hardest, the better I feel. The only thing that is really bothering me right now is my boyfriend and our relationship... it's like, the more into sobriety I get, the more he drinks.
I feel like my recovery is creating this huge distance between us. I think in the past I wouldn't notice or care too much about how much he drank because I was drinking too. Now I can't help but notice! It isn't healthy and it's not what I want but I also know I can't just expect him to change right now because I have changed and am changing. I think he is scared and so he resorts to drinking even more. We keep talking about it and I am hoping for the best but I feel sad for him and for us. I guess that is the one thing that really feels like a downer right now; but overall things feel really great. It's strange that I feel great for myself but crappy for him/us. I guess the good thing is that I am focused on my own recovery and know that no matter what happens with him or us, I have to keep going, and doing that helps me feel happy no matter what is going on elsewhere.Is this the meaning of serenity?
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Join Date: Jun 2011
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Originally Posted by Dee74 
not to belabour a metaphor but serenity for me is - no matter what the sea is like, I know I can keep a steady course and reach safe harbour
life is good, even when the day is not
D
life is good, even when the day is not
D
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
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I like what you put here: Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart." - Unknown
We all have ebb and flows in our lives, but when we are sober and reading the BB we find that we can make much clearer choices. Re-read the promises! They rock they happen! Here are expanded promises:
Friends of Bill W. - The Big Book Promises (all of them, so far)
you are doing awesome!!
Lily
We all have ebb and flows in our lives, but when we are sober and reading the BB we find that we can make much clearer choices. Re-read the promises! They rock they happen! Here are expanded promises:
Friends of Bill W. - The Big Book Promises (all of them, so far)
you are doing awesome!!
Lily
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Originally Posted by Lily
I like what you put here: Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart." - Unknown
We all have ebb and flows in our lives, but when we are sober and reading the BB we find that we can make much clearer choices. Re-read the promises! They rock they happen! Here are expanded promises:
Friends of Bill W. - The Big Book Promises (all of them, so far)
you are doing awesome!!
Lily
We all have ebb and flows in our lives, but when we are sober and reading the BB we find that we can make much clearer choices. Re-read the promises! They rock they happen! Here are expanded promises:
Friends of Bill W. - The Big Book Promises (all of them, so far)
you are doing awesome!!
Lily
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
I think you're gettin' it. I have a peace magnet, too -different phrase, same idea.
I'm sorry about your relationship but you need to focus on your happiness and everything else will either fall in or fall out of place. You can not afford to be 'clinging' to things that aren't healthy for your sobriety. Choices need to be made, goals set, a focus on life sought out.
I know how you feel about work and trying to keep a secret. I did the same thing the last few weeks before I moved. It was hard. It was hard seeing my friends go on with their day without a clue, planning future ideas, saying things like after the holidays, in the new year, etc. All the time I'm thinking...I won't be there!
I had just started in a new department and a new girl came in 2 months after me. So bascially I was training/helping her with what I knew. When they knew I was leaving I felt invisible. LOL
My advice -wait till the last possible second. Give them the 2 weeks if they need it, no more.
I do wish you the best in your new adventure. I think you are doing just fine.
Peace.
I'm sorry about your relationship but you need to focus on your happiness and everything else will either fall in or fall out of place. You can not afford to be 'clinging' to things that aren't healthy for your sobriety. Choices need to be made, goals set, a focus on life sought out.
I know how you feel about work and trying to keep a secret. I did the same thing the last few weeks before I moved. It was hard. It was hard seeing my friends go on with their day without a clue, planning future ideas, saying things like after the holidays, in the new year, etc. All the time I'm thinking...I won't be there!
I had just started in a new department and a new girl came in 2 months after me. So bascially I was training/helping her with what I knew. When they knew I was leaving I felt invisible. LOL
My advice -wait till the last possible second. Give them the 2 weeks if they need it, no more.
I do wish you the best in your new adventure. I think you are doing just fine.
Peace.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Originally Posted by EmeraldRose
I think you're gettin' it. I have a peace magnet, too -different phrase, same idea.
I'm sorry about your relationship but you need to focus on your happiness and everything else will either fall in or fall out of place. You can not afford to be 'clinging' to things that aren't healthy for your sobriety. Choices need to be made, goals set, a focus on life sought out.
I know how you feel about work and trying to keep a secret. I did the same thing the last few weeks before I moved. It was hard. It was hard seeing my friends go on with their day without a clue, planning future ideas, saying things like after the holidays, in the new year, etc. All the time I'm thinking...I won't be there!
I had just started in a new department and a new girl came in 2 months after me. So bascially I was training/helping her with what I knew. When they knew I was leaving I felt invisible. LOL
My advice -wait till the last possible second. Give them the 2 weeks if they need it, no more.
I do wish you the best in your new adventure. I think you are doing just fine.
Peace.
I'm sorry about your relationship but you need to focus on your happiness and everything else will either fall in or fall out of place. You can not afford to be 'clinging' to things that aren't healthy for your sobriety. Choices need to be made, goals set, a focus on life sought out.
I know how you feel about work and trying to keep a secret. I did the same thing the last few weeks before I moved. It was hard. It was hard seeing my friends go on with their day without a clue, planning future ideas, saying things like after the holidays, in the new year, etc. All the time I'm thinking...I won't be there!
I had just started in a new department and a new girl came in 2 months after me. So bascially I was training/helping her with what I knew. When they knew I was leaving I felt invisible. LOL
My advice -wait till the last possible second. Give them the 2 weeks if they need it, no more.
I do wish you the best in your new adventure. I think you are doing just fine.
Peace.
I like the advice. I just met with my financial planner regarding some things I need to buy like health insurance etc. and he thinks this is a great move and a nice opportunity. I feel really good about my goals and excited to start the new year off fresh. I know the anxiety about my current job will fade once I'm outta here. I also realize I need to focus on my own recovery and try not to worry about my boyfriend/relationship right now. I am obviously changing for the better and I will have to see what that means for the relationship but right now I can't be too distrated by it. I do feel for him and hope he makes progress because it feels really great.
Yet I must remember I wasn't always ready to make progress myself. In fact, last night a friend of mine from AA (not the one I'm really close with but another one I met through her) invited me to a meeting and the topic happened to be about "Working With Others" and I was reminded that preaching to him about not drinking may only push him away and drive him to drink even more (which seems to be what is happening. :-/) My friend from AA was really really pushy and kept telling me I need to break up with my boyfriend and that there are plenty of men out there who aer sober. She kept talking about her ex who was addicted to drugs and kept relapsing and being abusive to her and she had to get a restraining order and he got one against her too and caused her to break it and then she had to be on probation... I kept telling her that my boyfriend has not done those things, nor do I have any inclination that he would... he is a sweet, loving guy who treats me well and we have good communications and an otherwise great relationship; I just wish he would stop drinking so much! I really feel like distancing myself from this girl because she is over-opinionated and pushy. Whereas after I spoke at the meeting many of the women were supportive and told me it's a hard place to be but to just concentrate on my recovery and make decisions about the relationship later if necessary. So while I appreciate the girl's input, I don't think it is the only answer and I am not ready to deal with it all right now and wish she would just stop pushing me. She was telling me that if I don't break up with my boyfriend I shouldn't see him again until we go back East for the holidays, and then greatly distance myself after that... I just felt like her advice was unsolicited and unpractical and that rather turned me off, but in general I was glad she had invited me to the meeting because it was timely and helpful to me. And overall I am feeling pretty good, except rushed for the holidays of course, which I'm sure is universal.
Thanks again for the help.
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Pigtails, I think we are often surprised by how much things change when we stop drinking. I know, for me, I really became aware of things in my life that been issues. And, good for you for recognizing that you and your boyfriend are each on your own journeys. The best thing you can do, is to show him by example, how your life is changing for the better. You will know when you feel it's the right time to make a choice about the relationship, or not. Have faith and trust in yourself. You're doing great!
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Originally Posted by Anna
Pigtails, I think we are often surprised by how much things change when we stop drinking. I know, for me, I really became aware of things in my life that been issues. And, good for you for recognizing that you and your boyfriend are each on your own journeys. The best thing you can do, is to show him by example, how your life is changing for the better. You will know when you feel it's the right time to make a choice about the relationship, or not. Have faith and trust in yourself. You're doing great!
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