Our kids suffer too
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Newburgh
Posts: 868
Our kids suffer too
Man, this day has been a huge eye opener. I knew my addictions have affected my children very deeply, but the experiences of today really hit me hard.
We took my son, age 8, to a therapist. He has recently told us that voices in his head have been telling him to hurt himself and others. He even said he had a voice tell him to take a knife and stab his mother. I suffer from anxiety and depression as well as addictions, so the chances of all my children having some sort of mental disorder is fairly high. In 2009 I went through chemo, radiation, and several surgeries for cancer. Obviously, this also greatly affected my children. They were scared daddy was going to die. As far as we know, the cancer is gone. The docs keep a close eye on me. But the past year I have been caught up in my addiction. My kids didn't know I was using until we told them 25 days ago(I am 24 days sober). Well this also rocked their little world. Anyway, my son took it especially hard. After a very lengthy and in depth assesment today with the therapist, we think and hope that his "voices" are his way of dealing with everything that has happened over the last two years or so. He knows that what his head is telling him to do is wrong. He is a great kid, and has never gotten into any trouble that normal 8 year olds don't get into. He is to continue with therapy with a doctor who specializes in child phsycology.
The point of this post is to say that children are like a sponge. When we are using, even if our kids don't know we are using, they know something is not right. Our actions and the things we say do untold damage that we are not aware of. Some things that happen to us are out of our control such as cancer, job losses, etc. But when we are in our addictions, we are doing more harm than we can ever imagine, until we sober up and face reality.
Now my 9 year old daughter, who has been so strong through all of this is really starting to get shaken up. I was able to have a great conversation with her tonight before bedtime. If I was using, I would never have been able to speak lovingly to her the way I did. I wouldn't have been able to be there for my son today in his time of need. If I were still using, I would have just hidden in the bottle or joint.
For those of us who have children, they desperately need us. We have to break the cycle. We have to be strong when they are weak.
If it wasn't for the support I get from God, this community, and AA I would'nt have been able to share this experience on here.
Thank you all so much and God bless.
We took my son, age 8, to a therapist. He has recently told us that voices in his head have been telling him to hurt himself and others. He even said he had a voice tell him to take a knife and stab his mother. I suffer from anxiety and depression as well as addictions, so the chances of all my children having some sort of mental disorder is fairly high. In 2009 I went through chemo, radiation, and several surgeries for cancer. Obviously, this also greatly affected my children. They were scared daddy was going to die. As far as we know, the cancer is gone. The docs keep a close eye on me. But the past year I have been caught up in my addiction. My kids didn't know I was using until we told them 25 days ago(I am 24 days sober). Well this also rocked their little world. Anyway, my son took it especially hard. After a very lengthy and in depth assesment today with the therapist, we think and hope that his "voices" are his way of dealing with everything that has happened over the last two years or so. He knows that what his head is telling him to do is wrong. He is a great kid, and has never gotten into any trouble that normal 8 year olds don't get into. He is to continue with therapy with a doctor who specializes in child phsycology.
The point of this post is to say that children are like a sponge. When we are using, even if our kids don't know we are using, they know something is not right. Our actions and the things we say do untold damage that we are not aware of. Some things that happen to us are out of our control such as cancer, job losses, etc. But when we are in our addictions, we are doing more harm than we can ever imagine, until we sober up and face reality.
Now my 9 year old daughter, who has been so strong through all of this is really starting to get shaken up. I was able to have a great conversation with her tonight before bedtime. If I was using, I would never have been able to speak lovingly to her the way I did. I wouldn't have been able to be there for my son today in his time of need. If I were still using, I would have just hidden in the bottle or joint.
For those of us who have children, they desperately need us. We have to break the cycle. We have to be strong when they are weak.
If it wasn't for the support I get from God, this community, and AA I would'nt have been able to share this experience on here.
Thank you all so much and God bless.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Absolutely. You are lucky you have a chance to be there for them now -both mentally and emotionally. Like alcoholics, I believe kids don't know how to channel their feelings and emotions. They either cry or stamp their feet. As adults, we know this is not effective -although it feels good.
Hopefully, your newfound sobriety will give them the calmness and zen they need to realize the 'correct' way of handling family situations & themselves. I think a night out for ice cream is in order.
Wishing your family the peace they deserve.
Hopefully, your newfound sobriety will give them the calmness and zen they need to realize the 'correct' way of handling family situations & themselves. I think a night out for ice cream is in order.
Wishing your family the peace they deserve.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
So very true, jocata...... When I was drinking most nights, I felt like I was a good mom, but the reality was that much of the time I was doing the minimum, fulfilling my obligations, so to speak. When I got sober, I found my heart again and I'm so glad. Great post!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Alaska
Posts: 1,458
Absolutely the truth Jocata!
My son is only 6 and yet now a days I see sometimes him acting out, remarking over the simplest things that it's going to be a bad day, or even at the worst, saying he wants to die.
Now that I'm sober I've wakened up and realized that maybe some of these things he says are all because of me and it hurts me that I've done that.
I always used to use the excuse "he's too young, he doesn't realize what is going on" but now I'm sure you're right.
He doesn't exactly know what's wrong but something isn't quite right. Plus it probably doesn't help that when I've had one or two drinks I'm all happy, goofy, the fun loving Mom, the silly Mom etc. But when I've had several and I'm starting to get pretty sloshed I get sad, crying, etc.
My son is only 6 and yet now a days I see sometimes him acting out, remarking over the simplest things that it's going to be a bad day, or even at the worst, saying he wants to die.
Now that I'm sober I've wakened up and realized that maybe some of these things he says are all because of me and it hurts me that I've done that.
I always used to use the excuse "he's too young, he doesn't realize what is going on" but now I'm sure you're right.
He doesn't exactly know what's wrong but something isn't quite right. Plus it probably doesn't help that when I've had one or two drinks I'm all happy, goofy, the fun loving Mom, the silly Mom etc. But when I've had several and I'm starting to get pretty sloshed I get sad, crying, etc.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Oregon
Posts: 5
Yesterday when my 21 year old daughter came home for the holidays she walked straight into my work shed and pulled a bottle of whiskey of its hidden place. She smiled at me and said, "that bottle never runs out does it" The smile was sincere but sad.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 521
Jocata -- I don't have children... but, I have the most amazing god kids and I love them like they where my own. I am grateful to be sober to enjoy the time I have with them. I know if I was still drinking then I wouldn't truly "be there" when I was with them. I wish you the best you are doing the right thing by your family and yourself. Enjoy it!!:day6
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