blakemadison

I've been in a relationship with a person who has been addicted to many prescription meds like Xanax and Vicodin and who knows what else. I let this person go over a month ago. He supposedly "got clean" and was in therapy. Before I finally broke up with him, I would find the drugs and work with his family to get him help, into therapy, etc. I finally had enough a month ago after several of his relapses and walked away. I'm pretty upset today for a few reasons, one of them being his family called me yesterday to tell me they talked him into going to an inpatient rehab facility. I also found out from one of his party friends that he's been running around making up alot of lies about me, including calling me an alcoholic, crazy bi--ch and a whole boat load of other hurtful, crazy lies. He's also told me that his mom was bipolar and so many other things that in the end I found out were all made up.

I guess what i'm struggling with are all the lies and all the demonizing of everyone in the addicts life. I mean, I get why they would lie about money, where they were, etc to cover up addiction. It just seems crazy to me that he could make up the most insane things about people that are simply not true. At one point he called to tell me one day that his ex wife showed up at his work and assaulted him. This story went into seriously great details. I found out his ex wife hadn't been back to the state we live in for several years, much less showed up at his work to assault him.

I was actually doing really well after a month of no contact with this person but it's really hard to deal with all this today when I'm hearing about all this crazy stuff that's been made up about me. He's been running around slandering me to anyone he can talk to. What is this about? Do these addicts just feel like such crap about themselves and so guilty that they have to demonize everyone around them to make themselves feel better about themselves?

outtolunch

He's a whack job which may or may not have anything to do with addiction. You have no control over what other people say. Just because he says it, does not make it true. You know this.

hope213

addicts lie, that is all i know. the best is to ignore him. he is probley saying all of this so you will contact him. people who know you know better so what the heck do you care what his friends believe? ignore him & he will go on to some one else. take care of you.

devastated

Good for you for detaching!

Don't even get "sucked" into a conversation with him when you hear he calls you names. This is what addicts do best. People that know you, know that it isn't true, so who cares what they say.

Incidentally, the lies he tells you are called "pushing your buttons!" They try everything and anything to get you to talk to them. My son did that all the time. In the beginning it worked and I would really get upset. Later I would say, "so what do you think about those 9ers?" Boy did that make him mad!!

Try it, it works.

Meantime take care of you and have a great holiday season.
Hugs, Devastated

dollydo

He is just doing what addicts do, lie and deflect. I would go no contact with entire bunch.

Just ignore him, you know the truth, that's all that really matters.

JoySeeker

Lie and Deflect... that's a really good term since it is so true. My ex talks me down bad, I believe that's all he knows how to do. Those who listen knowing his drug use and ALL that comes with it (theft, fraud, lies, betrayal, using etc) and actualy believe it, I just don't associate with them. Then he goes about telling how he's a loyal, honest caring sweet man who values women. It's a sick behavior. I use to take it personal. It really doesn't matter. My ex is not capable of not lying. It will catch up to them.

Ilovemysonjj

Hi, OTL... love the term "whack job", made me giggle
Ignore the lies and statements. Every word out of an active addicts mouth, both good and bad, are not all the way true and sometimes downright lies. Once they get clean, it is still hard for them to be truthful. Count your blessings you are out of the relationship.

butterfligh

Deflections, smokescreens, head games, picking fights...typical addict behavior to AVOID dealing with the REAL issues.

I asked my AS once (during a period of sobriety for him), "Why would you turn everything around and try to make me feel like I was crazy?" and he said, "Mom, that's all I had to work with."

blakemadison

I do remember one time him looking at me and saying "I can't believe you would ever think any of this was your fault!" What? Because every other day you make people feel like they are the problem. Urgh! Such a sick game. Again, so glad I detached but still can't figure out how these people can grab such a hold of your head when your head was so screwed on straight when they came into it. I don't get it.

I've also run over and read some posts on the addicts themselves and most of the time recently I just get pissed off. I mean, I read "poor me, poor me, poor me the poor addict, waa waa waa cry." Really? HOw about think about the people, the families, the children you are neglecting, the friends, etc you are leaving and realize that popping a pill isn't really worth another human being or human beings! I want to be able to accept, move on, feel bad for them, but I absolutely can't. I think that you get to the point that you give up people over and over and over again, all the addicts should be able to stop. It just gets to the point where I don't care about feeling sorry for them anymore and feel like they are just selfish, absorbed asswipes!

Sorry, having a bad day here.

YearForMe

The fact that they can grab ahold of your head should show you that maybe your head wasn't screwed on as straight as you thought.
Just something that I've learned about myself along the way. I had to look at how and why I overlook the red flags.

All said with love.....I hope you know.

blakemadison

Point absolutelly right Yearforme. I should have seen all the warning flags, did see them but still took him back. I am starting my own therapy trying to figure out why exactly I would have stayed when it was obviousl I should have ran for the hills. The lies, etc when you start to figure them all out become alot to handle and I'm going through periods of anger like I did last night.

eyeswideshut1

I understand your frustration, Blake. I have not had any contact with my ABF for six weeks. (I guess at this point he is my XABF!) :/ But I still struggle every day with my urge to try to understand someone who is so troubled that he really makes no sense. He lied about so many things, and I ignored so many signs that he was lying, that at this point I'm realizing I will never know what was true about him. He disappeared six weeks ago, has ignored my texts and calls, and now I realize that I may just never see him again, and that it's probably for the best. I feel a little better about this than I did six weeks ago, although of course it's still hard. I think that trying to make sense of someone who is out of touch with reality is crazy-making, but it takes a while to accept that it just isn't possible to comprehend someone who is so mixed up, and that in any case it isn't really our job to try to make sense of it! Anyway, I am hoping you will find some peace of mind soon (and for myself, too!) Happy holidays!