I can't believe I let myself (almost) get sucked in again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Carrollton, Texas
Posts: 218
I can't believe I let myself (almost) get sucked in again
I knew what he wanted when he called. I knew that it wasn't going to end well. I knew that he just wanted money. I knew all this..but I went anyway. Sonny called me at work yesterday afternoon. "Mom" he says "can you come over so I can see you?" My heart stood still for a moment...Could it be?? Does he really just want to see his mother?? No, of course not.
As I pull in to the parking lot..there he stands...He doesn't even let me get out of the car. Just walks up to the drivers side window. "Hey mom" says he....can I get some money off you? Not even a how do ya do....just right to the point. I told him that I didn't have any to give...that he should consider the money he took out of my wallet at the hospital the last he will get from me. He started to make all his excuses...he's cold...he's hungry...he hasn't had a smoke in days (to which I said Good...you are halfway there then..they say that it takes ten days to break a habit)...He didn't like that. And then I realized that he was pulling me right back in to the same crap....He says one thing...I say NO...he says another thing....I say NO...finally he says enough and I am tired enough that I give in. This time I said NO and put the car in reverse...told him that I wished I could help him..If he wanted to come to the house for a meal..fine...If he's cold..put on a jacket...but I was not going to give him one thin dime to satisfy his habits..legal or otherwise.
The last thing I saw as I put it in drive was the look in those blue blue eyes that was disbelief..mixed with surprise..mixed with shock. Then I glanced up in to the mirrow and saw these green green eyes and saw a look that I'm not exactly sure what it was...But I think it was as close to admiration as anything else.
I had done it!! I had gotten close to the Sonny brink...and pulled myself away. I had almost allowed him to control the situation one more time...but had not fallen under the Sonny spell.
One more step for me...a small one to be sure...but it sure felt big as I was driving away.
As I pull in to the parking lot..there he stands...He doesn't even let me get out of the car. Just walks up to the drivers side window. "Hey mom" says he....can I get some money off you? Not even a how do ya do....just right to the point. I told him that I didn't have any to give...that he should consider the money he took out of my wallet at the hospital the last he will get from me. He started to make all his excuses...he's cold...he's hungry...he hasn't had a smoke in days (to which I said Good...you are halfway there then..they say that it takes ten days to break a habit)...He didn't like that. And then I realized that he was pulling me right back in to the same crap....He says one thing...I say NO...he says another thing....I say NO...finally he says enough and I am tired enough that I give in. This time I said NO and put the car in reverse...told him that I wished I could help him..If he wanted to come to the house for a meal..fine...If he's cold..put on a jacket...but I was not going to give him one thin dime to satisfy his habits..legal or otherwise.
The last thing I saw as I put it in drive was the look in those blue blue eyes that was disbelief..mixed with surprise..mixed with shock. Then I glanced up in to the mirrow and saw these green green eyes and saw a look that I'm not exactly sure what it was...But I think it was as close to admiration as anything else.
I had done it!! I had gotten close to the Sonny brink...and pulled myself away. I had almost allowed him to control the situation one more time...but had not fallen under the Sonny spell.
One more step for me...a small one to be sure...but it sure felt big as I was driving away.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Lisa WOOOO HOOO!!
Not a tiny step....a HUGE step!!!! Really!!! No kidding!!! Because this is probably the first time you used your recovery as a tool to keep your balance and not revert to your old ways. You stayed calm, you didn't allow yourself to get drawn in to the drama, and you detached with love. Yup - a definite giant leap.
And please know that what you just did showed more love for him than anything else you might have thought of.
Try not to take much notice of his manners. When their addiction is active, their social graces just get misplaced.
Hugs and a big pat on the back.
Ann
Not a tiny step....a HUGE step!!!! Really!!! No kidding!!! Because this is probably the first time you used your recovery as a tool to keep your balance and not revert to your old ways. You stayed calm, you didn't allow yourself to get drawn in to the drama, and you detached with love. Yup - a definite giant leap.
And please know that what you just did showed more love for him than anything else you might have thought of.
Try not to take much notice of his manners. When their addiction is active, their social graces just get misplaced.
Hugs and a big pat on the back.
Ann
Paused
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: USA
Posts: 27
That is fabulous!!
You know, my husband has been in a treatment center now for a couple weeks. I had to 'detach with love' when he was using cocaine in my house and drinking to excess. When I tell you that I didn't hurt for him whatsoever when I put his lying, using caboose out on the street to live like the addict he is, I totally mean it. He now told me that putting my foot down and not buying into the madness was the best thing I ever did for him. He went from absolute denial to embracing his treatment - I can only credit my God for taking care of him. And giving me the strength and emotional fortitude to love myself more than I love my hubby. There's something to be said for toughlove. I am not suggesting everyone must bottom out before recognizing their life is out of control but I firmly believe that by giving them only the slightest sense of comfort, be that a hot shower, a soft bed will only prolong the inevitable.
I think it's amazing what you did for your son the other day. Be proud of yourself and know that you did the best thing for him.
Congratulations!!
You know, my husband has been in a treatment center now for a couple weeks. I had to 'detach with love' when he was using cocaine in my house and drinking to excess. When I tell you that I didn't hurt for him whatsoever when I put his lying, using caboose out on the street to live like the addict he is, I totally mean it. He now told me that putting my foot down and not buying into the madness was the best thing I ever did for him. He went from absolute denial to embracing his treatment - I can only credit my God for taking care of him. And giving me the strength and emotional fortitude to love myself more than I love my hubby. There's something to be said for toughlove. I am not suggesting everyone must bottom out before recognizing their life is out of control but I firmly believe that by giving them only the slightest sense of comfort, be that a hot shower, a soft bed will only prolong the inevitable.
I think it's amazing what you did for your son the other day. Be proud of yourself and know that you did the best thing for him.
Congratulations!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Faith~Hope~Love
Posts: 963
Lisa -
What strength you showed and you should be proud! It hurts to see them like this and it's hard to say no, but until we do, they will continue to ask and expect. It took me a long time, but I can now say no when I realize how much worse I would feel if I said yes.
Stay strong - you done good!
hugs,
deedee
What strength you showed and you should be proud! It hurts to see them like this and it's hard to say no, but until we do, they will continue to ask and expect. It took me a long time, but I can now say no when I realize how much worse I would feel if I said yes.
Stay strong - you done good!
hugs,
deedee
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Lisa,
From mom to mom all I can say is YOU GO GIRL!
It is so hard to watch ours sons walk that road. You did the right thing, and as Ann said, your actions showed more love than you can possibly know. It was the best and most loving thing you could have done, to let your son and his HP work things out for himself.
HUGS
Barb
From mom to mom all I can say is YOU GO GIRL!
It is so hard to watch ours sons walk that road. You did the right thing, and as Ann said, your actions showed more love than you can possibly know. It was the best and most loving thing you could have done, to let your son and his HP work things out for himself.
HUGS
Barb
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