Does anyone else working 3rd step have to constantly pray?
Does anyone else working 3rd step have to constantly pray?
I'm working on my fourth step...just "finished" my third recently...
but the third still takes work-- I have found myself CONSTANTLY having to turn my will over to God. I say the serenity prayer upwards of twelve times a day, most often more.
My self-will and my resentments seem to grow like ever-persistant weeds, continuously sprouting almost as soon as their predecessors have been uprooted.
I say the third step prayer each morning and night, and a lot in between.
Am I the only one who finds turning their will over to God and letting go of hurts, anger and resentments an exhausting task?
And to anyone who's worked all their steps-- what was the experience like and what did you do to make this SLOW DOWN?
Input appreciated!
D
but the third still takes work-- I have found myself CONSTANTLY having to turn my will over to God. I say the serenity prayer upwards of twelve times a day, most often more.
My self-will and my resentments seem to grow like ever-persistant weeds, continuously sprouting almost as soon as their predecessors have been uprooted.
I say the third step prayer each morning and night, and a lot in between.
Am I the only one who finds turning their will over to God and letting go of hurts, anger and resentments an exhausting task?
And to anyone who's worked all their steps-- what was the experience like and what did you do to make this SLOW DOWN?
Input appreciated!
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
I remember saying the 3rd Step prayer every 10 minutes or so at times during my first 4th Step. I'd get up, head churning like crazy, walk outside and say that prayer, and come back and focus for another 10 minutes. It wasn't fun, but I got through it.
I couldn't get free of my past until I'd thoroughly 5th Stepped my inventory, spent the time in Steps 6-7, and made amends as best I could. It didn't happen for me by just making that decision in Step 3. I had to go all the way with it.
I couldn't get free of my past until I'd thoroughly 5th Stepped my inventory, spent the time in Steps 6-7, and made amends as best I could. It didn't happen for me by just making that decision in Step 3. I had to go all the way with it.
The way I have had to look at it is some of these steps are a daily process for me just like having food each day to nourish my body step 3 nourishes my soul.
I drank/used every day so therefore I have to find daily tools that will help me stay sober daily.
Step 1, 3, 10,11,&12 IMO are daily steps.
I don't have a lot of time, but I have almost 8 years, so I think I have heard a lot of these comments over and over from old timers in meetings. My friend has 44 years and doing this worked and continues to work for her so who I am I to say it doesn't?
Good luck in your journey.
I drank/used every day so therefore I have to find daily tools that will help me stay sober daily.
Step 1, 3, 10,11,&12 IMO are daily steps.
I don't have a lot of time, but I have almost 8 years, so I think I have heard a lot of these comments over and over from old timers in meetings. My friend has 44 years and doing this worked and continues to work for her so who I am I to say it doesn't?
Good luck in your journey.
The exhausting part of step 3 for me was the lead up to actually doing step three, getting to the point where I could surrender and let go... after all the mental gymnastics and bargaining and justification and denial ... I do have to continually adjust my own will to align with God's, but not so much an exhausting task on a daily basis, anymore.
Actually, kind of a relief, easier than trying to have things my own way.
Actually, kind of a relief, easier than trying to have things my own way.
it takes practice AS. At first, like the ppl who posted above, it was a connnnstant deal for me.....and it was hard to remember to do and usually seemed "forced," which, to me, made it seem almost fake.
Like any new behavior though, it gets easier with practice. I golf.....which is a great analogy. Learning the golf swing or, even more difficult, unlearning a bad habit in your swing, is damn tough at first. it takes conscious effort and feels totally unnatural. That's why the pros practice so much.....to keep themselves in the groove and to get any adjustments grooved-in before a round.
Keep practicing.....I know it feels funny......and it may seem like it's overkill......but before long it'll come naturally. Even better, the more you practice the easier it is to stay on the spiritual path to begin with - thus eliminating all the constant prayers to get back on the path.
Like any new behavior though, it gets easier with practice. I golf.....which is a great analogy. Learning the golf swing or, even more difficult, unlearning a bad habit in your swing, is damn tough at first. it takes conscious effort and feels totally unnatural. That's why the pros practice so much.....to keep themselves in the groove and to get any adjustments grooved-in before a round.
Keep practicing.....I know it feels funny......and it may seem like it's overkill......but before long it'll come naturally. Even better, the more you practice the easier it is to stay on the spiritual path to begin with - thus eliminating all the constant prayers to get back on the path.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
My 12 Steps are done like they were on a Rolodex. 1 thru 12, 1 thru 12, 1 thru 12 etc.
None of them are ever "done" but they keep getting addressed ....
I found that going thru Step 11 and then back to 3 made it slowly come together better.
If I waited to "get" Step 1 before moving on ... i would still be at 1 !!
I guess I work the Steps like reading my 24 Hours A Day book. I have been through that Book 22 times and it's still fresh and keeps changing.
All the best in your recovery.
Bob R.
None of them are ever "done" but they keep getting addressed ....
I found that going thru Step 11 and then back to 3 made it slowly come together better.
If I waited to "get" Step 1 before moving on ... i would still be at 1 !!
I guess I work the Steps like reading my 24 Hours A Day book. I have been through that Book 22 times and it's still fresh and keeps changing.
All the best in your recovery.
Bob R.
it takes practice AS. At first, like the ppl who posted above, it was a connnnstant deal for me.....and it was hard to remember to do and usually seemed "forced," which, to me, made it seem almost fake.
Like any new behavior though, it gets easier with practice. I golf.....which is a great analogy. Learning the golf swing or, even more difficult, unlearning a bad habit in your swing, is damn tough at first. it takes conscious effort and feels totally unnatural. That's why the pros practice so much.....to keep themselves in the groove and to get any adjustments grooved-in before a round.
Keep practicing.....I know it feels funny......and it may seem like it's overkill......but before long it'll come naturally. Even better, the more you practice the easier it is to stay on the spiritual path to begin with - thus eliminating all the constant prayers to get back on the path.
Like any new behavior though, it gets easier with practice. I golf.....which is a great analogy. Learning the golf swing or, even more difficult, unlearning a bad habit in your swing, is damn tough at first. it takes conscious effort and feels totally unnatural. That's why the pros practice so much.....to keep themselves in the groove and to get any adjustments grooved-in before a round.
Keep practicing.....I know it feels funny......and it may seem like it's overkill......but before long it'll come naturally. Even better, the more you practice the easier it is to stay on the spiritual path to begin with - thus eliminating all the constant prayers to get back on the path.
I may have told this story before....and no doubt I'll tell it again.<G>
15 years or so ago I found myself at an AA meeting in Baltimore, and the speaker(from out of town) was IMO pretty amazing. She was 80 years old and 41 year sober. One thing AA has taught me is to ask for help....not only when times are diffiult,but when they're easy as well. Helps me to find ways to make my recovery ever stronger. So after the meeting I asked the speaker if she had any suggestions for me...something that was particulary impactful on her own recovery.
She did.
when she was 6 years sober, she explained to a fellow traveler how often she prayed...and what a wide variety of prayers she offered up. This fellow suggested she cut it out....that he would be happy to give her the only prayer she would need.
But she'd have to say it at least 100 times a day.
I tried it...it worked for me. I probably say it closer to a thousand times a day because I've been doing it so long that any time my serenity fades, I automatically begin reciting this prayer/mantra. Takes me a while to even notice that I"m doing it. Settles me right down. It's sort of shorthand for the serentiy prayer, and it goes like this:
God make me willing.
As you mentioned, Newby (not in these words.....) Practice makes perfect. I don't "work a program" any more, any more than I work at breathing. life on God's terms.
God makes me willing.
blessings
zb
it takes practice AS. At first, like the ppl who posted above, it was a connnnstant deal for me.....and it was hard to remember to do and usually seemed "forced," which, to me, made it seem almost fake.
Like any new behavior though, it gets easier with practice. I golf.....which is a great analogy. Learning the golf swing or, even more difficult, unlearning a bad habit in your swing, is damn tough at first. it takes conscious effort and feels totally unnatural. That's why the pros practice so much.....to keep themselves in the groove and to get any adjustments grooved-in before a round.
Keep practicing.....I know it feels funny......and it may seem like it's overkill......but before long it'll come naturally. Even better, the more you practice the easier it is to stay on the spiritual path to begin with - thus eliminating all the constant prayers to get back on the path.
Like any new behavior though, it gets easier with practice. I golf.....which is a great analogy. Learning the golf swing or, even more difficult, unlearning a bad habit in your swing, is damn tough at first. it takes conscious effort and feels totally unnatural. That's why the pros practice so much.....to keep themselves in the groove and to get any adjustments grooved-in before a round.
Keep practicing.....I know it feels funny......and it may seem like it's overkill......but before long it'll come naturally. Even better, the more you practice the easier it is to stay on the spiritual path to begin with - thus eliminating all the constant prayers to get back on the path.
Sounds pretty much like my experience.....once the gates of my mind where open the resentments seem to come pouring out.....
My deluded mind told me i had very few.......the truth was they where so ingrained and had become deeply wooven into my life....that they didnt at first come straight into my conciousness......
The decision i make in 3 needs to be without reservation......that doesn't mean i cant say the prayer again..
Like keith said ,.. i need to continue through the steps to recover ...one interlocks into another...
Sounds like you are just where you are suppose to be by following the direction ... .this fact finding step can be uncomfortable at times..
But vital......the book warns us that step 3 can be ""of little permanent effect unless AT ONCE followed by a strenuous effort to face and to be rid of, the things that have been blocking us""... that's the rest of the steps.
Im about to start inventory again.....the difference is, i have worked all steps in my life before and know....the monumental shift in my thinking this exercise will bring about....but like you it will be uncomfortable as the truth gets revealed.
your welcome to message me, if i can be of any help.....shaun.
My deluded mind told me i had very few.......the truth was they where so ingrained and had become deeply wooven into my life....that they didnt at first come straight into my conciousness......
The decision i make in 3 needs to be without reservation......that doesn't mean i cant say the prayer again..
Like keith said ,.. i need to continue through the steps to recover ...one interlocks into another...
Sounds like you are just where you are suppose to be by following the direction ... .this fact finding step can be uncomfortable at times..
But vital......the book warns us that step 3 can be ""of little permanent effect unless AT ONCE followed by a strenuous effort to face and to be rid of, the things that have been blocking us""... that's the rest of the steps.
Im about to start inventory again.....the difference is, i have worked all steps in my life before and know....the monumental shift in my thinking this exercise will bring about....but like you it will be uncomfortable as the truth gets revealed.
your welcome to message me, if i can be of any help.....shaun.
The truth is that you never finish the third step, you merely find the next biggest thing that you struggle to let go of.
For me, I was a little over a year sober the first time I truly turned it over. I discovered I was going to be a father for the first time... at 45. I was unemployed, not married to my girlfriend, not sure that I was "father material", "what if I relapse", should we get married, what will our families think, I was absolutely lost. After about a week of totally wigging myself out - I turned it over. I simply accepted that I couldn't know the future, and all I could do was my best, and simply let go of the fear, and let the future unfold. Over the ensuing weeks we got into the routine of Dr. visits, learning about parenthood, discussing how we would handle maternity, housing, medical expenses, and preparing ourselves for this unexpected gift. And, of course, names for our soon to be newborn.
And then there was no heartbeat. I was surprised by how angry I was, after making that 180 change in attitude, how could God do this to us? I felt empty and cheated, like the promise of the future had been taken away. That feeling did fade with time, but the best I could do was accept that while I could not see any upside, this somehow happened for a reason. My daughter/son would be about four months old right now, and it still brings tears to my eyes to write this. I could rail against this to this very day, but I try to practice the seventh line of the serenity prayer: "accepting hardship as the pathway to peace." I don't always succeed, but I am beginning to understand.
Good luck anodyne.
For me, I was a little over a year sober the first time I truly turned it over. I discovered I was going to be a father for the first time... at 45. I was unemployed, not married to my girlfriend, not sure that I was "father material", "what if I relapse", should we get married, what will our families think, I was absolutely lost. After about a week of totally wigging myself out - I turned it over. I simply accepted that I couldn't know the future, and all I could do was my best, and simply let go of the fear, and let the future unfold. Over the ensuing weeks we got into the routine of Dr. visits, learning about parenthood, discussing how we would handle maternity, housing, medical expenses, and preparing ourselves for this unexpected gift. And, of course, names for our soon to be newborn.
And then there was no heartbeat. I was surprised by how angry I was, after making that 180 change in attitude, how could God do this to us? I felt empty and cheated, like the promise of the future had been taken away. That feeling did fade with time, but the best I could do was accept that while I could not see any upside, this somehow happened for a reason. My daughter/son would be about four months old right now, and it still brings tears to my eyes to write this. I could rail against this to this very day, but I try to practice the seventh line of the serenity prayer: "accepting hardship as the pathway to peace." I don't always succeed, but I am beginning to understand.
Good luck anodyne.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 108
Please keep it simple we don't work step 3 they are simply letting us know they made a decision to turn their will in life over at that moment in recovery we don't turn on with a life over until 10 and 11 if you read step three in the book it tells us we decide to do it but we must face and be rid of the things in our cells that are blocking us steps 4 through 7 before we can actually do it after step 7 when we begin to make amends and live 10 11 and 12 on a daily basis is where we align our will with God's and be that way people make it too difficult you don't work step 1 you don't work step2 and you don't work step 3 step one is the conclusion of the mind to thine own self be true like never before I'm an alcoholic and life's a mess completed 2 willingness they tell us they came to believe after taking the steps in step 10 sanity is returned and the problem is removed therefore we came to believe in a power greater than our selves at step 10 for alcoholics we can complicate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich clear-cut directions are given showing how we have recovered I guess you just have to find someone who can guide you through the steps who have actually taken the steps themselves
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
not trying to start a arguement friend but my experience is a tad bit different
I made that decision before I started the steps so we might as well give several viewpoints for others to consider..have a nice day
Suppose now you are making your second visit to a man. He has read this volume and says he is prepared to go through with the Twelve Steps of the program of recovery.
I made that decision before I started the steps so we might as well give several viewpoints for others to consider..have a nice day
Suppose now you are making your second visit to a man. He has read this volume and says he is prepared to go through with the Twelve Steps of the program of recovery.
I have heard the opinion before:
That the third step is only a decision.
Some say it's simply a decision to carry on with the rest of the programme -- the rest of the steps.
How do I know if I have truly made a decision?
When I am taking action to bring about what I intended in deciding.
In the case of my step three:
I only know that I have made the decision when I am turning my will and my life over to the care of God; or at least trying to do so.
Action speaks louder than words.
In early recovery I was having a similar problem to that of the OP.
I was in the bath one morning and pleading with my Higher Power to remind me of my decision during the day.
For you see, like many of us, I was taking my will back shortly after leaving the house -- with predictable consequences.
As soon as I finished this desperate prayer, it occurred to me that I have an alarm on my phone.
I set it for 11:00 and enjoyed a mid-morning minute or two of serenity most days.
Since then, it has become easier to remember.
The third step prayer comes to mind when needed.
Maybe someday living in constant harmony with God's will will become a natural way of living.
Until then, I will often thank him for having me, to build with me and do with me as he will . . .
then I will offer up my self again.
That the third step is only a decision.
Some say it's simply a decision to carry on with the rest of the programme -- the rest of the steps.
How do I know if I have truly made a decision?
When I am taking action to bring about what I intended in deciding.
In the case of my step three:
I only know that I have made the decision when I am turning my will and my life over to the care of God; or at least trying to do so.
Action speaks louder than words.
In early recovery I was having a similar problem to that of the OP.
I was in the bath one morning and pleading with my Higher Power to remind me of my decision during the day.
For you see, like many of us, I was taking my will back shortly after leaving the house -- with predictable consequences.
As soon as I finished this desperate prayer, it occurred to me that I have an alarm on my phone.
I set it for 11:00 and enjoyed a mid-morning minute or two of serenity most days.
Since then, it has become easier to remember.
The third step prayer comes to mind when needed.
Maybe someday living in constant harmony with God's will will become a natural way of living.
Until then, I will often thank him for having me, to build with me and do with me as he will . . .
then I will offer up my self again.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 765
Yes, I still have to pray. But I like to.
I think of a time when I was working on amends and in a lot of pain. The only thing that would give me peace and take it away was getting on my knees. I would feel God calling me to my prayer pillow. Faith is an amazing thing.
But in the beginning I was so beaten down by life SOBER that I had given up my will when I started the steps. I was willing to do whatever my sponsor asked me to as we began my stepwork together .
I felt better slowly during step 4 but still had problems and pain. However my enthusiasm and love for God and the steps and myself and others grew remarkably.
It's a journey. Go easy on yourself around this. Just keep taking it to God. Doing the steps IS turning your will and life over to Him.
I think of a time when I was working on amends and in a lot of pain. The only thing that would give me peace and take it away was getting on my knees. I would feel God calling me to my prayer pillow. Faith is an amazing thing.
But in the beginning I was so beaten down by life SOBER that I had given up my will when I started the steps. I was willing to do whatever my sponsor asked me to as we began my stepwork together .
I felt better slowly during step 4 but still had problems and pain. However my enthusiasm and love for God and the steps and myself and others grew remarkably.
It's a journey. Go easy on yourself around this. Just keep taking it to God. Doing the steps IS turning your will and life over to Him.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
I'm working on my fourth step...just "finished" my third recently...
but the third still takes work-- I have found myself CONSTANTLY having to turn my will over to God. I say the serenity prayer upwards of twelve times a day, most often more.
My self-will and my resentments seem to grow like ever-persistant weeds, continuously sprouting almost as soon as their predecessors have been uprooted.
I say the third step prayer each morning and night, and a lot in between.
Am I the only one who finds turning their will over to God and letting go of hurts, anger and resentments an exhausting task?
And to anyone who's worked all their steps-- what was the experience like and what did you do to make this SLOW DOWN?
Input appreciated!
D
but the third still takes work-- I have found myself CONSTANTLY having to turn my will over to God. I say the serenity prayer upwards of twelve times a day, most often more.
My self-will and my resentments seem to grow like ever-persistant weeds, continuously sprouting almost as soon as their predecessors have been uprooted.
I say the third step prayer each morning and night, and a lot in between.
Am I the only one who finds turning their will over to God and letting go of hurts, anger and resentments an exhausting task?
And to anyone who's worked all their steps-- what was the experience like and what did you do to make this SLOW DOWN?
Input appreciated!
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
Thread title: 'Does anyone else working 3rd step have to constantly pray?'
Remember, regardless what folks today do for the 3rd step; in fact, regardless of what the founders of AA did, the 3rd step ONLY says that we make a decision.........................and then there's the rest of the steps. Let's not make things more difficult than they actually are.
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