choublak

I don't feel like retyping it all, so here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...raits-one.html

A summary of the above thread:

My dad might have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He also might be a sex addict.

My mom reads this book called Boundaries (by two authors whose names I can't remember) and she calls me and is preaching about this book. Then she starts telling me what she thinks my boundaries with RABF should be, without my asking her. Preaching to the choir.

Tells me how manipulative and controlling my dad is, and how he's a bad partner for her. She's just figuring this out; I've known for years. I understand everyone processes things at a different pace, that is not what bothers me. It's more like, I feel like I've been working long and hard on my recovery and learning about things, much longer than she has (she used to tell me and my brother, "stop bashing your father, he is my husband and that offends me") and she suddenly comes in and tells me how to run my own recovery? That is not okay with me.

I know there is a Mental Health forum, but the most recent post in there was 5 am today.

akrasia

I'm sorry your mom did that. Not cool. And talking about Boundaries--ha! She has every right to feel that way but that's a coversation she needs to have with a FRIEND--not her DAUGHTER, for pete's sake!

Can you try just saying something like, "Mom, I'm just not comfortable having this conversation with you. This is my Dad we're talking about, so it's not like I'm a neutral third party."

Tuffgirl

I had to set a similar boundary. And enforce it. Has worked wonders so far...

Hanna

Argh!!! That is frustrating. I posted details in your other thread.

choublak

I suppose I set myself up for it by trying to "relate" to her by talking about some of the stuff I read in the al-anon literature. It's similar stuff. Anyway so I'm talking about it and my mom says, "I'm going to say something that will probably make you mad...this conversation has been all about Eugene (my RABF, not his real name). His problem is not your life. Blablabla." Okay, first of all I know that and second of all YOU called me and haven't stopped talking about that book almost since I picked up the phone. I did not start the conversation off that way. What the...

And she doesn't even quite get the concept of boundaries yet, because she was telling me stuff like "you need to tell RABF he isn't allowed to do blank" which is all wrong. She can figure that one out though.

choublak

Well I've always told her if something she says makes me mad. That led to her saying, "I'm going to say something that will probably make you mad" before she says a lot of things. A lot of things which wouldn't have made me mad if she hadn't "forewarned" me in the first place.

If she says something to me that is inappropriate, she'll acknowledge it AFTER already having told me. "I shouldn't be telling you this" and yet you just did...