WiggleIn

Welcome to my diary. I would like to post here daily to stay focused on my sobriety and life in general. Feel free to read, comment, and share you thoughts as well.

I plan to post later in the day, just wanted to get this started.

Thanks!

munchkin05

Hi Brittany! Look forward to reading!

Tigger41

Hi WiggleIn - Looking forward to it.

Dee74

welcome back B

D

WiggleIn

Dear Diary,

Very shaky today, have drank too much this past holiday weekend. Feeling a bit fried, sad, upset and hopeless.

Silly me starting you up when I knew the holidays had me strapped. I have thought about you and what my goals are, but was so incredibly busy that there just was not the time, and I knew my mindset was not ready. I can see this weekend coming up (new years) and I will admit I am worried. I hope to find the strength I have been looking for.

This past June I decided I need to stop drinking. For good. I really really wanted to, but come to find out, I am addicted. I could only go 2, maybe 3 days without alcohol. Withdrawals were not to blame, I did not have it terrible, just some issues sleeping and some very bizarre dreams. No, the reasons are purely my own weakness, the habit I have been accustomed to for the past 5 years.... a hard one to break.

I begin today...

Last night I had the same conversation with my husband that we always have: I want a baby, he does not, but says possibly in a few years. Well I don't blame him, who am I to mother a baby right now? I obviously would not drink; I have quit cold turkey when I got pregnant at 20... but 5 months later had a miscarriage. I must say that has me frightened, I do not want that again... I did everything right... the only thing that I will do differently this next time (if there is one) is PLAN for it, and get my body sober and healthy FIRST. That is the only thing I can think to do differently.

So there you have it. My main reason and kicker as of now, other than doing it for myself (but that doesn't seem to be enough) is to think about having my baby. I would like to think that a year sober might have my body healthy enough, but it will probably take longer than that. I have drank to get drunk since I was 16, and at 26 now there is 10 years of damage to mend...

Must wrap it up now, need to get ready for work.

I will check on you later, when I get home from work, before I go straight to the bottle, I will check on you. Find the strength....

Sapling

Too busy....Too bored...So many excuses....Mindset not ready....I like that one. Maybe you should try when it is. I think you just have to be at the point where you know that it is unsafe for you to drink. It's not silly...It is about as serious as a problem as you can have. I would really hate to see you lose everything before you get to that point. I did...It isn't pretty.You sound as if you are already gearing up to drink on New Years....Not good. What happens on Valentine's Day and Easter?? I wish you the best....And I just hope you get the mindset you need....To change your life for the better. For you...And everyone around you.

sugarbear1

What's your plan?

doggonecarl

WiggleIn, alcoholism, if you are ready to admit that THIS is your problem, is not a sign of weakness, it is not a moral failing, and it is certainly not a habit you can break like twirling your hair or biting your nails. You admit yourself that you are addicted. Please use some of your computer time researching this malady--alcohol and addiction. The AA Big Book is available online. There are all kinds of sites that provide information about alcohol and alcohol abuse.

And of course, there is always SR. To beat this it helps to understand it. Or you can keep it as simple as, "Today, I will not drink. No matter what!"

Fdm

I too, have drank since my teen years. As I near 40, I regret it like you do. This is a great place for support. I haven't been here long, but I feel accepted and have gotten support when I needed it.

Hang around. There are good folks here.

jocata

Posting here and sharing your thoughts is a great start wiggle, but it really really helps to get involved in a program. Wishing you the best. God bless.