Hello
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: SE Michigan
Posts: 7
Hello
Hello everybody. I'm here because I'm scared.
I've never thought I might really be an alcoholic, until today. I'm not a frequent drinker. I can forgo it for periods of time without a second thought. Until somebody asks if I want to drink, anyways. I've never undergone the DTs. I've never woken up in jail. I've never felt like I had to have a drink so survive. So, that's what I thought - no problem here.
Except, drinking has caused problems in my life. I got a DUI ten years ago. It stopped me from drunk driving. For about a year, anyways. It's caused numerous blackouts. I've said hurtful things to people I cared about very much. I've told people that I shouldn't have intimate details about my life. I've spent soooo much money. I've wasted many days-after being hungover and out of sorts. I've thought more than once that maybe alcohol shouldn't be a part of my life. But I never had the courage.
I spent last night in jail. DUI. Again. I suppose I'm lucky that it will be treated largely as a first offense since it's been just over ten years since the last one. That doesn't feel like any kind of victory, though. My case qualifies for Michigan's Super Drunk legislation. I've failed myself again, I've let people that love me down. I've put people in danger. I've possibly screwed myself, since I am trying to start a new career, in a field that doesn't look very kindly on these types of offenses. I feel like I've ruined my life.
I realized today that I obviously do have a problem. I've been afraid to stop drinking for fear that it would cripple my social life - a scary threat for a shy person. I've been afraid that people wouldn't want to hang out with me. I guess I've just been afraid to be without alcohol. That's dependency too. I just never admitted it until today. Unfortunately, today was too late.
I'm still scared...
I've never thought I might really be an alcoholic, until today. I'm not a frequent drinker. I can forgo it for periods of time without a second thought. Until somebody asks if I want to drink, anyways. I've never undergone the DTs. I've never woken up in jail. I've never felt like I had to have a drink so survive. So, that's what I thought - no problem here.
Except, drinking has caused problems in my life. I got a DUI ten years ago. It stopped me from drunk driving. For about a year, anyways. It's caused numerous blackouts. I've said hurtful things to people I cared about very much. I've told people that I shouldn't have intimate details about my life. I've spent soooo much money. I've wasted many days-after being hungover and out of sorts. I've thought more than once that maybe alcohol shouldn't be a part of my life. But I never had the courage.
I spent last night in jail. DUI. Again. I suppose I'm lucky that it will be treated largely as a first offense since it's been just over ten years since the last one. That doesn't feel like any kind of victory, though. My case qualifies for Michigan's Super Drunk legislation. I've failed myself again, I've let people that love me down. I've put people in danger. I've possibly screwed myself, since I am trying to start a new career, in a field that doesn't look very kindly on these types of offenses. I feel like I've ruined my life.
I realized today that I obviously do have a problem. I've been afraid to stop drinking for fear that it would cripple my social life - a scary threat for a shy person. I've been afraid that people wouldn't want to hang out with me. I guess I've just been afraid to be without alcohol. That's dependency too. I just never admitted it until today. Unfortunately, today was too late.
I'm still scared...
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
Welcome, read all you can here. I know you must have had a rough night but read what you can.
AND.....
It's not too late! Do you know who you are without alcohol? Maybe you're an introvert and the only reason you have the social life you do is because of alcohol? If you take away the alcohol who will still want to be with you?
Hope you are feeling a bit better.
AND.....
It's not too late! Do you know who you are without alcohol? Maybe you're an introvert and the only reason you have the social life you do is because of alcohol? If you take away the alcohol who will still want to be with you?
Hope you are feeling a bit better.
Who Farted?
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 67
Hi unchained,
Welcome. I think you'll find we alcoholics can all relate. You may face a tough road with the DUI, but there is hope. I am Traid, I am a recovered alcoholic. Fear kept me in the chains for 3 years. I knew I had a problem, but was WAY too scared to admit, accept and find the solution. I had no hope. I was always justifying and denying. I was suicidal at times. I can now look at my entire drinking career and honestly admit I was alcoholic from day one. I never could stop at one, and even when I did not want to drink, swore it off for good, I ended up drinking. Have you ever read Alcoholics Anonymous (AKA The Big Book)? I found my solution in the program outlined within. Fellowship also helps with the initial fear. You'll meet some great people here who can guide you in the right direction, but only if you are willing to take the trip. Sobriety rocks, and so does life.
Best,
Traid.
Welcome. I think you'll find we alcoholics can all relate. You may face a tough road with the DUI, but there is hope. I am Traid, I am a recovered alcoholic. Fear kept me in the chains for 3 years. I knew I had a problem, but was WAY too scared to admit, accept and find the solution. I had no hope. I was always justifying and denying. I was suicidal at times. I can now look at my entire drinking career and honestly admit I was alcoholic from day one. I never could stop at one, and even when I did not want to drink, swore it off for good, I ended up drinking. Have you ever read Alcoholics Anonymous (AKA The Big Book)? I found my solution in the program outlined within. Fellowship also helps with the initial fear. You'll meet some great people here who can guide you in the right direction, but only if you are willing to take the trip. Sobriety rocks, and so does life.
Best,
Traid.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Hi unchained...welcome. I'm sorry about your most recent escapade. It's gonna be hard making things right...but if you stay quit things have a way of working themselves out and its so much easier to deal with sober.
Wishing you peace and strength.
Wishing you peace and strength.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: SE Michigan
Posts: 7
I think I know who I am without alcohol. I mean, I'm him most of the time. It's true - I am largely an introvert. People still like me without alcohol. At least, the important ones do. Maybe it sounds contradictory, but even though I've been afraid to be without - I do like the person I am. But I'm more uncomfortable that way. I just know that with booze, I keep doing things I don't like - things that keep drawing me away from being the person I want to be. Even though I'm scared to be without it, my choices with it have put me in the place of a person I don't want to be.
Who Farted?
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 67
Originally Posted by 1undone 
Do you know who you are without alcohol? Maybe you're an introvert and the only reason you have the social life you do is because of alcohol? If you take away the alcohol who will still want to be with you?
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Hi unchained - welcome to the family. You'll find many with similar situations here on SR. You aren't alone anymore.
It's hard to see the good news at a time like this - but it sounds like you're realizing that quitting all together is the wisest & safest thing to do. I was like you - shy, and so afraid to let go of my crutch. Life had become unmanageable, though - I drank every day in the end. Every time I picked up, it was dangerous for me & anyone I encountered (I had 3 dui's.) Alcoholism is a progressive disease - and I was headed for an early death or serious jail time.
You can't be a failure when you're reaching out for help and wanting to make a change in your life. Try not to get overwhelmed with guilt and regret. These bad times will fade away as you begin your new life without alcohol. We're here to help, and cheer you on. Keep reading & posting - we care.
It's hard to see the good news at a time like this - but it sounds like you're realizing that quitting all together is the wisest & safest thing to do. I was like you - shy, and so afraid to let go of my crutch. Life had become unmanageable, though - I drank every day in the end. Every time I picked up, it was dangerous for me & anyone I encountered (I had 3 dui's.) Alcoholism is a progressive disease - and I was headed for an early death or serious jail time.
You can't be a failure when you're reaching out for help and wanting to make a change in your life. Try not to get overwhelmed with guilt and regret. These bad times will fade away as you begin your new life without alcohol. We're here to help, and cheer you on. Keep reading & posting - we care.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: SE Michigan
Posts: 7
A co-worker once gave me her AA book to look at. I flipped through it, blew it off, decided that it wasn't me. I viewed myself not as a person with a drinking problem, but as a person with a problem making decisions while drinking. I guess I didn't realize that qualifies as a drinking problem too.
Thanks for everyone's welcome...
Thanks for everyone's welcome...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: SE Michigan
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by 1undone
Do you know who you are without alcohol? Maybe you're an introvert and the only reason you have the social life you do is because of alcohol? If you take away the alcohol who will still want to be with you?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 50
Looking at what you're facing with that Super Drunk Law, it's not worse than what we face here in Texas with just a regular ol' DWI, except for the whole interlock device that you have to have on your vehicle. Of course it's going to be on your record forever, but you can explain it to an employer if you are sincere about lesson learned and the fact that you have changed. I work in the education field. I got a DWI 1 year before the date I was hired. I may have gotten lucky, but I did get a job. I would think unless you're wanting to go into law enforcement, you can say it was the best thing that could have happened to you and some people will be willing to take a chance, as long as you mean it. It's not the end of the world.
You are who you are when you're not drinking alcohol. The quicker you accept it, the better off you'll be. I thought I was a better person while drinking at one point because I lost my mental filter. I would make an ass of myself more times than not.
You are who you are when you're not drinking alcohol. The quicker you accept it, the better off you'll be. I thought I was a better person while drinking at one point because I lost my mental filter. I would make an ass of myself more times than not.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
Hi Unchained
Different circumstances, but I found myself in a situation where I had to quit too - I worried about all those things - drinking defined me - and, more than that, I too felt alcohol made it possible for me to be sociable and have/keep/make friends.
My life changed for sure - but I didn't lose out on the deal.
I'm comfortable with who I really am and I have friends who are comfortable with that too.
I know know I'm never going to be a raconteur - but I'm ok with that
I love my sober life. I think you will too, if you give a chance
Welcome to SR
D
Different circumstances, but I found myself in a situation where I had to quit too - I worried about all those things - drinking defined me - and, more than that, I too felt alcohol made it possible for me to be sociable and have/keep/make friends.
My life changed for sure - but I didn't lose out on the deal.
I'm comfortable with who I really am and I have friends who are comfortable with that too.
I know know I'm never going to be a raconteur - but I'm ok with that
I love my sober life. I think you will too, if you give a chance
Welcome to SR
D
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome unchained!
I was scared, too.... I just couldn't imagine life without drinking. Equally as scary, though, was thinking about what could happen if I didn't quit. I'm not sure where the fear comes from (fear of the unknown, probably), but if you read the posts on this forum, you'll see how many of us felt (or are feeling) the same way.
I didn't want to give it up and had a lot of cravings at first, but that changed over time and I wouldn't go back to it now for anything in the world.
The idea of "forever" is so overwhelming, and I think that's where the fear comes in. We start worrying about next week or next month - the next vacation, the next party etc....... It helps if you can take sobriety one day (or one hour) at a time and just deal with what's in front of you.
Keep reading and posting - I know you'll find lots of support and hope here!:day6
I was scared, too.... I just couldn't imagine life without drinking. Equally as scary, though, was thinking about what could happen if I didn't quit. I'm not sure where the fear comes from (fear of the unknown, probably), but if you read the posts on this forum, you'll see how many of us felt (or are feeling) the same way.
I didn't want to give it up and had a lot of cravings at first, but that changed over time and I wouldn't go back to it now for anything in the world.
The idea of "forever" is so overwhelming, and I think that's where the fear comes in. We start worrying about next week or next month - the next vacation, the next party etc....... It helps if you can take sobriety one day (or one hour) at a time and just deal with what's in front of you.
Keep reading and posting - I know you'll find lots of support and hope here!:day6
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