bayliss

I think I am pretty much done with drinking.*

Yesterday I went to my boyfriends Christmas party. Things have been a little weird with us since I quit my job so I thought this would be a nice opportunity to go out as a couple and just BE like we used to.*
Needless to say it didn't start out that way. Looking at all his coworkers and their girlfriends they were so into them and got them food or drinks and whispered and just stayed close. Mine was, gawd knows where.*
Whatever. I let it go. Although I was upset.*
Moving along a bit - I did drink and we went to a pub for pitchers. A girl there and I were bored watching sports over beer so we decided to go someplace else just across the street.*
There we ordered frilly drinks and chatted.*
She kept looking at her phone meaning her boyfriend kept messaging her so I told her to go back and I'll just finish my drink and be over. By this time I was tipsy.*
I am not sure what I tried to prove to myself in staying to finish my drink and ordering another one. I think it was because I knew she would go back and my boyfriend would ask where I was and come to get me.*
We obviously were not seeing eye to eye.*
So I waited.*
And waited.*
And waited.*
He then began texting me where I was. My phone was basically dead so I didn't get half the messages.*
So I was just going to go back when I find out that everyone went home.*
My boyfriend left me drunk, downtown in a city by myself.*
It was so cold out and I didn't even have a jacket and he took a cab back home and didn't even bother looking for me!*

I am not sure what I am trying to say here.*
Other than it was obviously the booze that did this...or did it? That's the question I guess.*
And as he sleeps here like a baby I just can't get over how freakin hurt and abandoned I feel.*
I just don't know what to do at this point anymore.*
I really wish it would have gone better.*
He also told me I ruined everyone's night - how I managed that I don't know - and that I am basically pathetic.*
I don't understand anymore.*

Sapling

I guess you just have to be real sure you are done....Then seek some kind of help. How do you know when you are sure you are done??...I hope you don't have to get to the point I did to find out. Best of luck to you.

OCDDan

Good idea to get sober, less drama and you'll feel better, the relationship stuff is tough, but the story reminded me of coming out of a blackout downtown, two cop cars, an ambulance and a horse staring me in the face (with big nostrils) i had to ask him, why the long face? anyways, the cops drove me home while the ambulance followed..

bayliss

How do I know I'm done? I guess I don't...I just feel like I am coming to my wits end...if I didn't drink - would I be this emotional?
But at the same time, being sober, I just sit there and think about all the things I don't want to think about...that's life though, I know. I have to cope in different ways other than drinking.

I am glad it didn't come to the point where I had to have cops drive me home and such...
How could he leave me downtown like that on my own? What if something happened?
I just don't know if it was my own irresponsibility to think that he would come running after me or something...but is that what guys do? Leave their drunk girlfriends and don't even bother to look for them or make sure that they are SAFE??
What am I doing wrong here? How can he treat me this way when I do so much FOR him?
It hurts to think about...and I don't want to think about it.

Sapling

Nobody put you in that position but you. What are you doing wrong??....I don't think you would be here if you didn't know that already.

least

This is just my opinion... but for starters I'd say you were sticking with a no good s.o.b.... Imo you think so little of yourself that you're willing to put up with, even accept as 'ok', treatment like that. I sure as hell wouldn't! I've always thought it's better to be alone than to be treated badly. I stand by that opinion too. I'd ditch the jerk if I were in your shoes. The reason he treats you so badly is because he can!! You tolerate it so it continues. Sheesh! I'd give you my honest opinion of your bf but this is a family forum and I can't use those words here...

bayliss

I understand that I put myself in that position...and of course I know that alcohol is my problem...but I don't think that you should leave someone you apparently love stranded.
Not to mention he drank as well so it wasn't like I went on a bender and made a fool of myself.

I need to know that he is there for me...and if he can't even do that than how can I get support when trying to quit drinking...??

Or am I wrong here..

bayliss

Thanks Least...I appreciate your honesty..

It's funny how someone can do that...control you in that way...mistreat you and belittle you...and you just keep going back.
If he woke up and apologized I would totally take him back...and I don't want to do that anymore! Just like I don't want to drink...

It's just unfortunate that we built up 5 years of a life together for it to just go away.

It's funny...he wants me to quit, but yesterday he said that I'm no longer the life of the party (because at first I didn't want a drink).
And than when I do...I get "in crap" for it. It's so confusing...

least

I think you know the answer to that question already. My question is: why are you still with him knowing how he is??

Sapling

I think you are wrong here....There are a lot of ways to get support...I don't think your BF should be option number one. If you want to rid your life of alcohol...Which I think would be a great idea for you...You have to make the decision you are ready to do that...And take the action needed to make that happen...Otherwise....You're just drinking.

least

I think you do understand, you just don't want to accept what you already know...

bayliss

No, it's true, I don't want to accept it...because you are right - I have essentially no self-esteem and pretty much hate myself...so yea, I let him treat me like s**t, boss me around, control my every action.

I know that he isn't and shouldn't be option 1...I just figured that if you live with someone and have been with them for a long time and love them that it would go without saying that they would be your support system.
I know if the situation were reversed or if he needed help with anything I would try to move the sun and the moon for him. He obviously doesn't feel the same way.
He just says "I can't deal with you drinking" and then later that night he drinks and I drink...like...it's confusing...when someone tells you one thing and then just constantly lets it slide.
I know what I need to do...but no one said it was easy so that's why there are places likes SR.

Sapling

You want support to stop drinking from someone that drinks and treats you poorly....That's just not going to happen. I guess it comes down to finding something else. Try going to an AA meeting today...You live in a city..I'm sure there are lot's of them. Maybe you'll like it. Maybe not. Just go and listen....Try getting support from people that have been where you are and are doing something about it. It's free and you can always get up and leave if you don't like it.

huntress

I may be missing something, but it sounds to me like he didn't know where you were. You said you didn't get half his texts. He probably thought you were mad at him or something, or maybe just trying to passive aggressively control him.

I'm not saying he's good for you, either. I'm just giving him a little benefit of the doubt.

Sapling

I don't think it really matters who is at fault on that one. I guess it comes down to her stopping drinking....Do what you have to do. If that's what you want.

Fandy

I'm with huntress here too. You didn't answer him, you didn't return with your friend who went back to the group. you chose to stay at a different bar by yourself and drink alone...you are doing the passive aggressive act for attention. you want him to treat you differently but you are acting like a burden.

You quit your job, drink all day and pass out, let him support you and you do nothing to bring yourself back to reality. You don't care enough about yourself to get help. but you whine about the circumstances you bring on yourself and have every excuse why you can't stop drinking....you keep the blame going, but in fact if the positions were switched, wouldn't YOU be annoyed if he did this?

I think it's time to face yourself and I hope you do whatever it takes to stop drinking and save yourself. the pity-party is not working. and it won't.... Self-respect and esteem will return...but you're not going to get it with your current method. there is no instant gratification here. You actually have to do some WORK to get and stay sober and you need to get some FTF HELP.

you have to have a relationship with yourself first...before you can have one with someone else.

Dee74

Hi Bayliss

I guess I'm not really getting the bf thing - if my wife had disappeared and I was repeatedly texting her and she didn't answer I'd probably assume she went home....

You may have problems in your relationship, I don't know - but like I've said before I really think your drinking problems need to be priority #1 right now.

D

huntress

That's what I was thinking, Dee. Depends on the relationship, I guess.

I haven't seen any reason to think she has a drinking problem yet, but that may be just me. She's not really talking about her drinking. *shrug*

Sapling

That's a dead give away to me...It's not easy for people to admit that.

Fandy

I'm going to ask a simple question...maybe it's relevant, maybe not.

How do you have $$$ to go and sit in a bar and order drinks if you are not working an don't have an income? are you compounding the issues that stress you by spending $$ you don't have or draining your BF's wallet too?

people who don't understand alcoholism have a completely different view. when i was hospitalized for a week (for a seizure and neuro problems)...Mr. Fandy tried to control my drinking, it pizzed me off to no end...How DARE he???? he simply said to me, "don't drink anymore except for when we go out" consequently we went out after i felt well, i downed 2 vodka martinis and 3/4 of a bottle of red wine...when we got home, there was no booze in the house and it made me feel "angry".

from his point of view, drinking and not drinking are not a big deal...but they don't unerstand that I couldn't stop...didn't want to stop. there wasn't enough wine in the world for me.