New here. I walked away today for good this time!
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 4
New here. I walked away today for good this time!
Hi everyone. I don't know where to begin. I don't know much of anything right now other than the fact that enough is enough and I chose to leave my alcoholic husband today. In the past I'd leave for a few days, sometimes a week or two weeks but I'd go right back. I'd fall for the manipulation every single time.
I have family here so my daughter and I are going to stay here. We have been married for a little over a year. I saw glimpses of a problem when we were dating but nothing to the extreme it has become. He refuses to admit he is an alcoholic yet drinks more than a case of beer every night not including what he spent at the bar. Every dime we had went to feed his addiction. We live in the South where summertime is brutally hot and humid. Our utilities would be cut off frequently because the bill wasn't paid because he drank the money away. I'd get mad, jump up and down like a monkey on a hot stove and throw a fit but he'd laugh and say it's like camping. No, it's not like camping!! His " camping" supplies were coolers of ice and beer. I'd take my daughter and leave and he'd get angry because I didn't suck it up and stick it out. My response was always stay here in the dark and in this unrelenting heat but I'm outta here. It gradually worsened. I dreaded family dinners because he'd show up late and drunk and just embrass me in front of my family. I couldn't plan on anything with my daughter because he'd ruin that too. Everything revolved around his addiction and denial. Last month he lost his job of 14 years because of his drinking. I would have thought that would be his waking moment of time to get help. Nope. Not at all. He had another job 16 hours later but a significant cut in his pay. Nothing works with him. I know I can not force him into treatment, he has to want it and he's in denial.
Last night I was at my parents home for a few hours and got home around 10 last night. His 2 children were there alone on the couch watching tv. The oldest is 14, youngest is 8. He left them alone to go to the bar. I sent him a message I was going to bed and when I woke up this morning I could smell him. That nasty stench, a sour smell coming out of his pores. I looked at my phone to see what time it was and noticed he had sent me a text message during the night and it read 2am. That was his way of telling me he drug his drunk self in at 2. Enough is enough. I knew I could not do this anymore. I got as much as I could in my car being as quiet as I could be and I left with what I could take and I have my dog with me. My daughter stayed with my parents last night anyways so I didn't have to get her up early again and leave like we have done so many times before.
The tv is in my name. New furniture is in my name. I have a moving truck lined up for tomorrow and I'm going to get my stuff. As much as I love him I can't live like that anymore. I borrowed money from my aunt last month to pay my car note because it was past due. He drank the account dry to the point it's mind boggling and the path of destruction he has caused is a mile wide. Yet he doesn't care. He will lie and manipulate and say it's all my fault.
I can't do it anymore. I'd just had enough. Sorry this is so long. I just needed to get this off my chest.
Thanks for listening!
I have family here so my daughter and I are going to stay here. We have been married for a little over a year. I saw glimpses of a problem when we were dating but nothing to the extreme it has become. He refuses to admit he is an alcoholic yet drinks more than a case of beer every night not including what he spent at the bar. Every dime we had went to feed his addiction. We live in the South where summertime is brutally hot and humid. Our utilities would be cut off frequently because the bill wasn't paid because he drank the money away. I'd get mad, jump up and down like a monkey on a hot stove and throw a fit but he'd laugh and say it's like camping. No, it's not like camping!! His " camping" supplies were coolers of ice and beer. I'd take my daughter and leave and he'd get angry because I didn't suck it up and stick it out. My response was always stay here in the dark and in this unrelenting heat but I'm outta here. It gradually worsened. I dreaded family dinners because he'd show up late and drunk and just embrass me in front of my family. I couldn't plan on anything with my daughter because he'd ruin that too. Everything revolved around his addiction and denial. Last month he lost his job of 14 years because of his drinking. I would have thought that would be his waking moment of time to get help. Nope. Not at all. He had another job 16 hours later but a significant cut in his pay. Nothing works with him. I know I can not force him into treatment, he has to want it and he's in denial.
Last night I was at my parents home for a few hours and got home around 10 last night. His 2 children were there alone on the couch watching tv. The oldest is 14, youngest is 8. He left them alone to go to the bar. I sent him a message I was going to bed and when I woke up this morning I could smell him. That nasty stench, a sour smell coming out of his pores. I looked at my phone to see what time it was and noticed he had sent me a text message during the night and it read 2am. That was his way of telling me he drug his drunk self in at 2. Enough is enough. I knew I could not do this anymore. I got as much as I could in my car being as quiet as I could be and I left with what I could take and I have my dog with me. My daughter stayed with my parents last night anyways so I didn't have to get her up early again and leave like we have done so many times before.
The tv is in my name. New furniture is in my name. I have a moving truck lined up for tomorrow and I'm going to get my stuff. As much as I love him I can't live like that anymore. I borrowed money from my aunt last month to pay my car note because it was past due. He drank the account dry to the point it's mind boggling and the path of destruction he has caused is a mile wide. Yet he doesn't care. He will lie and manipulate and say it's all my fault.
I can't do it anymore. I'd just had enough. Sorry this is so long. I just needed to get this off my chest.
Thanks for listening!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 985
Welcome L,
Glad you are here. Post and read (the stickies at the top of forum) as much as you can. You took a big step towards regaining your life. This moment is both freeing and sad. Taking care of yourself and your kids is important first of all. Separations help to clear your thinking and begin to visualize new ways of living your life. Remember that you are stronger than you think and can do what is needed.
Glad you are here. Post and read (the stickies at the top of forum) as much as you can. You took a big step towards regaining your life. This moment is both freeing and sad. Taking care of yourself and your kids is important first of all. Separations help to clear your thinking and begin to visualize new ways of living your life. Remember that you are stronger than you think and can do what is needed.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Your story really triggered me. It brought back a whole lot of anxiety and other bad feelings, and images of my poor little mother literally jumping up and down crying because she could not find my father's keys; she was so frantic and afraid he would leave her.
Your AH is not going to change and does not care how his actions affect others. Please do not go back to this man and subject your poor child to any more of the sickness. She is so little and has no choice, but you do. I strongly suggest Al-Anon, if for nothing else so that you can help your child, now and in the future.
Your AH is not going to change and does not care how his actions affect others. Please do not go back to this man and subject your poor child to any more of the sickness. She is so little and has no choice, but you do. I strongly suggest Al-Anon, if for nothing else so that you can help your child, now and in the future.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
I think you are a good mom for recognizing how unhealthy this relationship/environment is for your child and taking steps to remover her from the situation. Good on You!
Please pull out the keyboard and make yourself at home by posting and venting as much as needed. I also recommend spending time in the stickies (older, permanent posts) at the top of the forum.
This is one of my favorite:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
I realize you are no longer living with your A, but it may help you to see some of the behaviors you experienced were typical. As well as the reactions you may have had to living in that situation.
I hope you will take someone with you when you return for your belongings. Active alcoholics can have extreme reactions when they realize they are losing their enabler. They are capable of anything.
When I left my alcoholic, I hoped for the best - but planned for the worst. Part of my plan included separating accounts, removing valuables, removing important documents, hiding credit info, and consulting a lawyer to determine my legal rights. Most lawyers will offer a free consultation.
Sending you encouragement and support as you begin your recovery from this relationship.
I think you are a good mom for recognizing how unhealthy this relationship/environment is for your child and taking steps to remover her from the situation. Good on You!
Please pull out the keyboard and make yourself at home by posting and venting as much as needed. I also recommend spending time in the stickies (older, permanent posts) at the top of the forum.
This is one of my favorite:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
I realize you are no longer living with your A, but it may help you to see some of the behaviors you experienced were typical. As well as the reactions you may have had to living in that situation.
I hope you will take someone with you when you return for your belongings. Active alcoholics can have extreme reactions when they realize they are losing their enabler. They are capable of anything.
When I left my alcoholic, I hoped for the best - but planned for the worst. Part of my plan included separating accounts, removing valuables, removing important documents, hiding credit info, and consulting a lawyer to determine my legal rights. Most lawyers will offer a free consultation.
Sending you encouragement and support as you begin your recovery from this relationship.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Dear Leigh
I admire your strength and courage to decide what is best for you. I had an EX BF and mourning his loss (he is still drinking for all I know) was very painful and difficult, but now I have peace and this is priceless. We all get how it feels. Congratulations for the beginning of a new life. Feel at home here, share whenever you need to, this is a safe place to be honest with ourselves. HUGS!
I admire your strength and courage to decide what is best for you. I had an EX BF and mourning his loss (he is still drinking for all I know) was very painful and difficult, but now I have peace and this is priceless. We all get how it feels. Congratulations for the beginning of a new life. Feel at home here, share whenever you need to, this is a safe place to be honest with ourselves. HUGS!
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