Evidence of Al Anon progress
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Portland OR
Posts: 280
Evidence of Al Anon progress
So this last three months have been hell on wheels. AH relapsed, and walked right out the door when given a "pursue recovery I'm there 100% or refuse sobriety and you'll have to go". He went. Heartbreaking like crazy...but the decision seemed quick and easy to him. Only reading this forum as well as Al Anon meetings have helped me understand this insane, irrational alcoholic behavior.
So soon after he left (and left me will all the bills, property tax ect) I badly broke a finger, requiring surgery. It will be healing over a year! Painful! By the way, the week he left he called to tell me " oh by the way, I've taken you off the health insurance so you are on your own". A financial restraining order and filing for divorce fixed that...but we are not done. Just beginning negotiations. So last week I discovered I had a detached retina, requiring another surgery. I'm pretty overwhelmed with it all. Meanwhile, back at the quack ranch, he is sending me threatening emails to not drag my feet, settle already, he's tired of it, wants his freedom, quack quack. My first response was to let my head explode...BUT I didn't. Instead, I sent a very short email back:
"I am asking you to not contact me again. I have surgery for a detached retina scheduled on Tuesday, and still struggling with the broken finger. Contact from you stresses me out beyond my abilities, and my priority is to try to heal in all ways right now.
If you contact me again, I'll block your emails. Please do not contact me."
See? No exploding head! I think this is some progess...isn't it???
So soon after he left (and left me will all the bills, property tax ect) I badly broke a finger, requiring surgery. It will be healing over a year! Painful! By the way, the week he left he called to tell me " oh by the way, I've taken you off the health insurance so you are on your own". A financial restraining order and filing for divorce fixed that...but we are not done. Just beginning negotiations. So last week I discovered I had a detached retina, requiring another surgery. I'm pretty overwhelmed with it all. Meanwhile, back at the quack ranch, he is sending me threatening emails to not drag my feet, settle already, he's tired of it, wants his freedom, quack quack. My first response was to let my head explode...BUT I didn't. Instead, I sent a very short email back:
"I am asking you to not contact me again. I have surgery for a detached retina scheduled on Tuesday, and still struggling with the broken finger. Contact from you stresses me out beyond my abilities, and my priority is to try to heal in all ways right now.
If you contact me again, I'll block your emails. Please do not contact me."
See? No exploding head! I think this is some progess...isn't it???
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 741
I think you did great!
However, for me, telling my ex I have health problems is just an excuse for him to escalate the crazymaking with the idea that I would be too sick and/or tired to fight him on what he wanted.
If you have an attorney, let them run interference for you so you can concentrate on getting better.
However, for me, telling my ex I have health problems is just an excuse for him to escalate the crazymaking with the idea that I would be too sick and/or tired to fight him on what he wanted.
If you have an attorney, let them run interference for you so you can concentrate on getting better.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Portland OR
Posts: 280
That is exactly what I'm doing Purple Sq...my attorney is in charge of this. I suppose if I'd REALLY made progress I wouldn't have shared that...but at the time it felt important to me to say in a calm way: YOU STUPID MF'r I'M OH SO SORRY YOUR DECIDING TO DRINK HAS MADE A QUICK AND EASY DIVORCE INCONVENIENT FOR YOU. TOUGH NUTS!! I HAVE MY OWN PRIORITIES AND YOU ARE NOT INCLUDED IN THEM"
That is what I really wanted to say>....
That is what I really wanted to say>....
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Sorry this is going on MsGrace. I hope you are healing and feeling better soon. I'm glad you have the lawyer. I suggest going No Contact. If you want, send him an email or text that says, "All future correspondence you wish to have with me, go through my lawyer," and leave it at that. I would not say please. Then, do not read any texts or emails, block his calls if it upsets you when it rings, and block his emails. (((hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 218
MsGrace. Sorry you are having so many unlucky health issues. I hope you get to feeling better. Take care of yourself and ignore the emails, texts, etc. I think it's his way of trying to show that he is in control. He's not in control of you. Don't let him stress you out and if you get stressed, send us emails or vent on line here. It really does help. This is a crappy situation, but you will get through it and be able to move on to a healthy relationship with someone who will appreciate what you have to offer. You can't do anything more than you are doing.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Portland OR
Posts: 280
Thanks guys...I appreciate your vote of confidence. I think you are right...no contact is the only way. Why am I absolutely COMPELLED to read his quack?? I think maybe it's just the last residual detachment process....there is still some part of me that so cannot comprehend HIS speedy detachment. When I'm no longer compelled to care anything about what he thinks, and not even tempted to read his rants, then I'll be over the hump.
There is no better way to absolutely kill any residual love than the demonstration of such sincere self-absorption, and cruelty the alcoholic can possess.
There is no better way to absolutely kill any residual love than the demonstration of such sincere self-absorption, and cruelty the alcoholic can possess.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Yeah its amazing how they continually seem to validate your actions, eh?
He's not only quacking, he's spewing. Ignore it - its all hot air.
Good for you standing up for yourself, and focus on your health. I have a friend who had a detached retina...not fun. It's been three months since her surgery and she is still healing.
Take good care!
~T
He's not only quacking, he's spewing. Ignore it - its all hot air.
Good for you standing up for yourself, and focus on your health. I have a friend who had a detached retina...not fun. It's been three months since her surgery and she is still healing.
Take good care!
~T
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