12 days, almost 13
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Lost in the midwest
Posts: 443
12 days, almost 13
Well, in an hour I will have 13 days sober. I received shocking news today. My grandma, who helped raise me so much, because my mother passed at age 29 ( I was 4 years old) has liver metastes. I am sure from the reading I did its stage 4, although I am waiting confirmation from the dr. In realistic terms, she has roughly a year to live. I am 35, she is going to be 80 in 3 weeks. I know that this is part of life, death that is, but I'm not ready to deal with it. I lost my father 10 years ago. I don't even have a for sure anything from her doctor yet and it's already draining me. I'm scared I am going to give this situation my sobriety. On one hand I care, but on the other I don't. This was a way left field blow and I'm not sure how to really grasp it all. It makes it worse that she is in tx for the winter, and I can't see her or give her a hug. I am starting to feel lost and need some reassurance that I am stro g enough to get thru this. Thanks in advance-- Sarah
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Hi ontherightpath
I'm really sorry that your grandmother is ill.
I think it's important though to try and remain calm and wait to see what exactly you're up against.
I also think it's important not to project a year ahead and think of situations you 'won't be able to handle'. I found that I was a very different person at one year than I was at 12 days.
Drinking is good for making us feel weak - that way we tend to drink more to 'cope'
In recovery I found I was a lot stronger than I thought I was, and your family, especially your grandmother might need that strength, ontherightpath.
My wife's mother died this year - I'm eternally grateful I was there, and sober, to help her - she needed it...and I coped.
I never coped while drinking - I just checked out.
When eventually I woke up sober, all my worries and sorrows were still there, and I usually had some drinking fallout to deal with as well.
Don't lose your nerve.
Don't let the cross talk in your head tell you you can't do anything sober - because you absolutely can - you'll hear from others as proof of that
D
I'm really sorry that your grandmother is ill.
I think it's important though to try and remain calm and wait to see what exactly you're up against.
I also think it's important not to project a year ahead and think of situations you 'won't be able to handle'. I found that I was a very different person at one year than I was at 12 days.
Drinking is good for making us feel weak - that way we tend to drink more to 'cope'
In recovery I found I was a lot stronger than I thought I was, and your family, especially your grandmother might need that strength, ontherightpath.
My wife's mother died this year - I'm eternally grateful I was there, and sober, to help her - she needed it...and I coped.
I never coped while drinking - I just checked out.
When eventually I woke up sober, all my worries and sorrows were still there, and I usually had some drinking fallout to deal with as well.
Don't lose your nerve.
Don't let the cross talk in your head tell you you can't do anything sober - because you absolutely can - you'll hear from others as proof of that
D
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