45 days sober and feeling resentful
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 15
45 days sober and feeling resentful
I know this makes me sound like a spoiled brat but I really resent the fact I can't drink like other people. I'm angry that I can't have a nice relaxing drink like everyone else can without embarrassing myself and waking up full of regret the next day. I want to stamp my feet like a child and say 'it's not fair!!!'
These thoughts worry me because they are what normally lead to me drinking again after a period of sobriety. I just don't seem to be able to accept the fact I can never drink again. I don't WANT to drink again but I want to be ABLE to if that makes sense. I realise logically that although I'm a grown up and I have the choice to drink if I want, that in reality I can't make that choice because of my issues with alcohol.
I feel like although I'm sober, I'm not growing or changing, I'm the same selfish, self obsessed person I always was but minus the alcohol. I've seen my doctor about my underlying depression and I'm taking Sertraline to help with that but I feel I need to be more proactive in improving my life and who I am but I don't know where to start
These thoughts worry me because they are what normally lead to me drinking again after a period of sobriety. I just don't seem to be able to accept the fact I can never drink again. I don't WANT to drink again but I want to be ABLE to if that makes sense. I realise logically that although I'm a grown up and I have the choice to drink if I want, that in reality I can't make that choice because of my issues with alcohol.
I feel like although I'm sober, I'm not growing or changing, I'm the same selfish, self obsessed person I always was but minus the alcohol. I've seen my doctor about my underlying depression and I'm taking Sertraline to help with that but I feel I need to be more proactive in improving my life and who I am but I don't know where to start
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
I think we all resent that at some stage, PP.
It's not fair, it does suck - but it's simply not in our power to fix...we simply have to look at our drinking history...face up to the reality...& accept things for what they are.
I figured I could have the life I wanted, and be the person I wanted to be...or I could keep drinking.
I simply can't have both.
Now? I'm glad I chose recovery - it's better in so many ways that I ever could have imagined.
I actually - and actively - don't want to return to drinking.
I spent 20 years enslaved to drink or drugs - I'm a happy non drinker and non drugger now
I hope you'll give yourself the chance to get here too
D
It's not fair, it does suck - but it's simply not in our power to fix...we simply have to look at our drinking history...face up to the reality...& accept things for what they are.
I figured I could have the life I wanted, and be the person I wanted to be...or I could keep drinking.
I simply can't have both.
Now? I'm glad I chose recovery - it's better in so many ways that I ever could have imagined.
I actually - and actively - don't want to return to drinking.
I spent 20 years enslaved to drink or drugs - I'm a happy non drinker and non drugger now
I hope you'll give yourself the chance to get here too
D
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: essex
Posts: 451
Originally Posted by purplepixie 
I know this makes me sound like a spoiled brat but I really resent the fact I can't drink like other people. I'm angry that I can't have a nice relaxing drink like everyone else can without embarrassing myself and waking up full of regret the next day. I want to stamp my feet like a child and say 'it's not fair!!!'
These thoughts worry me because they are what normally lead to me drinking again after a period of sobriety. I just don't seem to be able to accept the fact I can never drink again. I don't WANT to drink again but I want to be ABLE to if that makes sense. I realise logically that although I'm a grown up and I have the choice to drink if I want, that in reality I can't make that choice because of my issues with alcohol.
I feel like although I'm sober, I'm not growing or changing, I'm the same selfish, self obsessed person I always was but minus the alcohol. I've seen my doctor about my underlying depression and I'm taking Sertraline to help with that but I feel I need to be more proactive in improving my life and who I am but I don't know where to start
These thoughts worry me because they are what normally lead to me drinking again after a period of sobriety. I just don't seem to be able to accept the fact I can never drink again. I don't WANT to drink again but I want to be ABLE to if that makes sense. I realise logically that although I'm a grown up and I have the choice to drink if I want, that in reality I can't make that choice because of my issues with alcohol.
I feel like although I'm sober, I'm not growing or changing, I'm the same selfish, self obsessed person I always was but minus the alcohol. I've seen my doctor about my underlying depression and I'm taking Sertraline to help with that but I feel I need to be more proactive in improving my life and who I am but I don't know where to start
I heard some 1 in an AA meeting once, who was 13 years sober, and he said if he never thought he could drink again, then he would go mad and insane, his life is a 100 times better now and all he does is wake in the morning and say i am not going to drink today and its all about the day !!!
*Grateful*
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,619
Zoloft made me more self absorbed. (my experience)
Can you download the AA big book online somewhere and read a page or 2 every day? It really does make a TON of sense.
Please don't think about forever, just for today you can get through w/out a drink. Hang in there.
Can you do one form of service for one person in the next day or 2? I have a home run daycare w/ 3 kids 2, 2, and 3, and a year ago if someone would have told me that I would have thought they were insane. There is something about serving another person that just gets me out of "self." It takes work, but it gets easier, I promise. Maybe visit a shut in, make a meal or desset for someone, call and encourage someone, write on here to someone brand spankin new? All of these suggestions do get the focus off of US. It helps a lot!!
(((HUGS))) Lily
Can you download the AA big book online somewhere and read a page or 2 every day? It really does make a TON of sense.
Please don't think about forever, just for today you can get through w/out a drink. Hang in there.
Can you do one form of service for one person in the next day or 2? I have a home run daycare w/ 3 kids 2, 2, and 3, and a year ago if someone would have told me that I would have thought they were insane. There is something about serving another person that just gets me out of "self." It takes work, but it gets easier, I promise. Maybe visit a shut in, make a meal or desset for someone, call and encourage someone, write on here to someone brand spankin new? All of these suggestions do get the focus off of US. It helps a lot!!
(((HUGS))) Lily
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Well, I suppose it is unfair that I can't drink like other people. But once I start looking at fairness, I suppose it isn't fair that I'm healthy, given the life I led for so many years. Or that I have a job when so many are unemployed. Or that I've got a roof over my head when others are homeless. Or that I live in a country where I won't get shot for expressing my opinion. Or....
No, I guess it's better not to look at fairness. Actually, I'm damn lucky, and I know it.
No, I guess it's better not to look at fairness. Actually, I'm damn lucky, and I know it.
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 377
Unfair? I try not to look at it like that. Just because so and so can drink by no means gives me the right too. I really don't find the need to compare myself to someone who can drink. They can have their hangovers! No thank you!
But in all fairness, I know what you mean. We as alcoholics need to look past that though. Realize that alcohol isnt the only thing in this world that can make us feel good. This world is full of so many things that puts alcohol to shame. I'm not saying do other drugs, but rather find something in this world that will supersede alcohols false reality. These things are out there. It just takes personal footwork to find out what works for each of us.
We all have to realize and accept we cant drink, move on, and find something better. Were not missing out on anything from not drinking. If anything, the people whom drink are the ones really missing out.
-Ryan
But in all fairness, I know what you mean. We as alcoholics need to look past that though. Realize that alcohol isnt the only thing in this world that can make us feel good. This world is full of so many things that puts alcohol to shame. I'm not saying do other drugs, but rather find something in this world that will supersede alcohols false reality. These things are out there. It just takes personal footwork to find out what works for each of us.
We all have to realize and accept we cant drink, move on, and find something better. Were not missing out on anything from not drinking. If anything, the people whom drink are the ones really missing out.
-Ryan
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
I actually think feeling this way is a normal part of the loss/acceptance that we can't drink anymore. For many people alcohol was like a friend that one day turned on us. It no longer felt good to drink and for those last months or years trying to get sober we try those last ditch efforts for "the good old days with our buddy alcohol" to return. But they won't. I felt angry but I've felt that kind of anger over breaking or letting go of other things or people in my life.
I have a great deal of empathy for you but that being said, don't drink today/night and keep talking about this loss. You will find its normal.
I have a great deal of empathy for you but that being said, don't drink today/night and keep talking about this loss. You will find its normal.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
I agree that resentment/anger can be a dangerous thing. However, I think it's normal to feel resentment from time to time, about different aspects of life, so don't be hard on yourself for feeling the feeling. I think the important thing is to remember that the emotion doesn't have to control you. You can see it for what it is, and then let it go. A Gratitude Journal can be helpful in reminding you of the positive things.
I needed to find a spiritual connection in order to grow and move on from the person I was when I was drinking. There are a lot of good books on spirituality - one of the best is 'A New Earth' by Eckhart Tolle. I think it's good that you talked to your dr about your depression. That was very important in my recovery because I was depressed long before I began to drink and needed to deal with that before I could begin to recover.
I needed to find a spiritual connection in order to grow and move on from the person I was when I was drinking. There are a lot of good books on spirituality - one of the best is 'A New Earth' by Eckhart Tolle. I think it's good that you talked to your dr about your depression. That was very important in my recovery because I was depressed long before I began to drink and needed to deal with that before I could begin to recover.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hi!
Just my experience. In order to get sober I had to change the way I viewed alcohol. I went from thinking it was a normal and desirable aspect of adult life to thinking it was a poison wrapped up in pretty paper. That shift in perseption was huge for me. I was able to do it because 1. I read Alan Carrs book, and 2. It's the truth.
The second factor was getting therapy for underlying issues. Without that it wouldn't have mattered whether I thought alcohol was poison or not because I was committing suicide.
Hope that helps.
Tina
Just my experience. In order to get sober I had to change the way I viewed alcohol. I went from thinking it was a normal and desirable aspect of adult life to thinking it was a poison wrapped up in pretty paper. That shift in perseption was huge for me. I was able to do it because 1. I read Alan Carrs book, and 2. It's the truth.
The second factor was getting therapy for underlying issues. Without that it wouldn't have mattered whether I thought alcohol was poison or not because I was committing suicide.
Hope that helps.
Tina
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 15
Dee, thankyou for making me feel like I’m not the only one who feels this way! I totally respect your opinion and the effort you put in on here so I hope one day I can have decent sober time and feel the same way about my recovery as you obviously do
Lily/Zebra, I will look into the AA Big Book. I think it’s worth a read as AA has obviously helped a lot of people.
Lankah, I hope the Zoloft will enable me to see past the depression and give me a better shot at dealing with my alcohol issues. I do feel like it’s beginning to kick in as I’ve been on it 3 weeks now and I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel
Ryan, you’re right, I do need to start finding other things in my life that can make me happy. It’s been a struggle to find joy in anything but I hope as I recover from both alcohol’s negative impact and depression that I’ll start enjoying life again and lose the bitterness and anger that I’ve developed over the last couple of years. I’ve started doing things that make me happy once in awhile now…just little things like getting my nails done or sitting in Starbucks alone with a coffee and a magazine. I’m also thinking of learning to play guitar or ride a horse…things I’ve always wanted to do
1Undone, thankyou, I didn’t drink yesterday…or today
I am currently eating chocolate chip cookies in bed instead!
Instant/Paddy, I think one day at a time is the only way I can do it…if I start thinking forever it will be too much to get my head around and might end up overwhelming me
Anna, I think you’re right about needing spirituality in my life. I’m not religious in a ‘man with a long white beard’ sense but I would love to find a higher power of some kind, something to connect to. I will check out the book you mentioned
La Femme, I am on the waiting list for therapy…for depression, not alcohol issues but I may have to wait a while because it’s through the NHS not private healthcare. I should hear in a couple of weeks though. I’m hoping it will be helpful
Thankyou all for taking the time to respond to me. I really think this is my biggest hurdle and if I can overcome it then I’ll be in a much better place with regards to staying sober. I know I’m very lucky that I don’t have a physical addiction to alcohol and I’ve not had to go through any withdrawal…it’s all mental for me and I just need to change the way I think
Lily/Zebra, I will look into the AA Big Book. I think it’s worth a read as AA has obviously helped a lot of people.
Lankah, I hope the Zoloft will enable me to see past the depression and give me a better shot at dealing with my alcohol issues. I do feel like it’s beginning to kick in as I’ve been on it 3 weeks now and I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel
Ryan, you’re right, I do need to start finding other things in my life that can make me happy. It’s been a struggle to find joy in anything but I hope as I recover from both alcohol’s negative impact and depression that I’ll start enjoying life again and lose the bitterness and anger that I’ve developed over the last couple of years. I’ve started doing things that make me happy once in awhile now…just little things like getting my nails done or sitting in Starbucks alone with a coffee and a magazine. I’m also thinking of learning to play guitar or ride a horse…things I’ve always wanted to do
1Undone, thankyou, I didn’t drink yesterday…or today
I am currently eating chocolate chip cookies in bed instead!Instant/Paddy, I think one day at a time is the only way I can do it…if I start thinking forever it will be too much to get my head around and might end up overwhelming me
Anna, I think you’re right about needing spirituality in my life. I’m not religious in a ‘man with a long white beard’ sense but I would love to find a higher power of some kind, something to connect to. I will check out the book you mentioned
La Femme, I am on the waiting list for therapy…for depression, not alcohol issues but I may have to wait a while because it’s through the NHS not private healthcare. I should hear in a couple of weeks though. I’m hoping it will be helpful
Thankyou all for taking the time to respond to me. I really think this is my biggest hurdle and if I can overcome it then I’ll be in a much better place with regards to staying sober. I know I’m very lucky that I don’t have a physical addiction to alcohol and I’ve not had to go through any withdrawal…it’s all mental for me and I just need to change the way I think
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Purplepixie,
It is good that you post how you really feel, it probably resonates with a lot of readers here.
I can say that sober time does make life easier. The first 6 months my emotions were all over the place. Things are beginning to settle down and I am looking forward to the next 6 months of sobriety.
When we are feeling like crap it is hard to imagine things being better. I know now for a fact that life without alcohol is better because I am at last experiencing that and have no wish to go back to the old life.
I do have to follow my program to ensure my sobriety.
All the best
CaiHong
It is good that you post how you really feel, it probably resonates with a lot of readers here.
I can say that sober time does make life easier. The first 6 months my emotions were all over the place. Things are beginning to settle down and I am looking forward to the next 6 months of sobriety.
When we are feeling like crap it is hard to imagine things being better. I know now for a fact that life without alcohol is better because I am at last experiencing that and have no wish to go back to the old life.
I do have to follow my program to ensure my sobriety.
All the best
CaiHong
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