Tired of it sometimes
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Tired of it sometimes
I keep having thoughts like, I don't want to have to go to AA, I don't want to have to not drink. It's not really a craving to drink but it's more like being tired of being obsessed with not drinking and wondering what's wrong with me and trying to fix myself etc. I just want to have a happy "normal" life.
I know I am just nervous and scared about leaving my job and starting my own thing. Even though it's what I want, I feel quite terrified. I wish I was just a different person who could deal with things better!
Overall I have been feeling good but then I just feel shaky and question myself about everything. It's like I'm fighting myself, or something.
I know I am just nervous and scared about leaving my job and starting my own thing. Even though it's what I want, I feel quite terrified. I wish I was just a different person who could deal with things better!
Overall I have been feeling good but then I just feel shaky and question myself about everything. It's like I'm fighting myself, or something.
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Pigtails - I almost drove myself insane with those same thoughts. They were very intense for the first couple months, then started to fade. Eventually being obsessed with not drinking went away all together. It takes a while to sort it all out - you will get there.
Glad to hear you've been feeling good for the most part!
Glad to hear you've been feeling good for the most part!
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Join Date: Jun 2011
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Originally Posted by Hevyn 
Pigtails - I almost drove myself insane with those same thoughts. They were very intense for the first couple months, then started to fade. Eventually being obsessed with not drinking went away all together. It takes a while to sort it all out - you will get there.
Glad to hear you've been feeling good for the most part!
Glad to hear you've been feeling good for the most part!
I was just telling my boyfriend my feelings and he said, if you want to drink, drink. I almost started crying. I realized it was not what I wanted to hear, which I guess is good. I know drinking won't help make anything better and that I need to get over my fears. So that's what I told him. I just hate having to struggle with myself like this but I guess there are two sides of me.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
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Pigtails, it's hard to make big changes like a job change.
I made most of my decisions in life, big and small, out of fear. I really had no idea how much fear had controlled my life.
Now, as my avatar says, I'm dancing in the light.
I made most of my decisions in life, big and small, out of fear. I really had no idea how much fear had controlled my life.
Now, as my avatar says, I'm dancing in the light.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Originally Posted by Anna
Pigtails, it's hard to make big changes like a job change.
I made most of my decisions in life, big and small, out of fear. I really had no idea how much fear had controlled my life.
Now, as my avatar says, I'm dancing in the light.
I made most of my decisions in life, big and small, out of fear. I really had no idea how much fear had controlled my life.
Now, as my avatar says, I'm dancing in the light.
How did you make this change? Other than just not drinking?
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Philly PA
Posts: 814
I keep having thoughts like, I don't want to have to go to AA, I don't want to have to not drink. It's not really a craving to drink but it's more like being tired of being obsessed with not drinking and wondering what's wrong with me and trying to fix myself etc
Stick with it - I don't see those folks who are sober for a year or so making the same kinds of posts so it gets better. My friend said the "obsessive" thoughts backed way off at the 90 day mark. That's what I'm holding out for.
Hang in there PigTails.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 225
I think it's natural to be obsessive about not drinking in the beginning. Drinking becomes so much a part of our lives when we are doing it. Then when we decide to quit, NOT drinking becomes our sole focus. I am newly abstinent but had 10+ years of sobriety so I can say from personal experience that the obsession does go away.
Hang in there Pigtails. You are doing very well.
Hang in there Pigtails. You are doing very well.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 111
Some people say there's a difference between 'abstinence' and 'recovery', and I think they're right.
Among many other differences, abstinence looks at giving up drinking as a sacrifice, and as though you're giving something up. Recovery means looking at a new life, with new opportunities, without being encumbered by blackouts, DUIs, and Drunk-in-Publics.
In most respects (you can google for the other aspects of the differences) I consider myself to be in recovery, but I'm still having trouble with this one. That there's hundreds of millions of people in this world that drink and have fun without getting out of control. I'm still frustrated at times that I'm not one of those people, but there's no fixing it.
I am starting to realize there are other fun things to do in the world, and that wild college parties are behind me anyway. I had a tough time accepting that I can't go to drinking-type events anymore, but they aren't much fun sober, and they're not very fulfilling anyway.
It's a tough road, but there is more to it than just "not drinking". I'm not that far along myself, but there is a better life ahead.
Among many other differences, abstinence looks at giving up drinking as a sacrifice, and as though you're giving something up. Recovery means looking at a new life, with new opportunities, without being encumbered by blackouts, DUIs, and Drunk-in-Publics.
In most respects (you can google for the other aspects of the differences) I consider myself to be in recovery, but I'm still having trouble with this one. That there's hundreds of millions of people in this world that drink and have fun without getting out of control. I'm still frustrated at times that I'm not one of those people, but there's no fixing it.
I am starting to realize there are other fun things to do in the world, and that wild college parties are behind me anyway. I had a tough time accepting that I can't go to drinking-type events anymore, but they aren't much fun sober, and they're not very fulfilling anyway.
It's a tough road, but there is more to it than just "not drinking". I'm not that far along myself, but there is a better life ahead.
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
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Pigtails I really like the answers you got here. But if I may, let's inject a bit of humor here from another era that has nothing to do with recovery, and everything to do with as you say you are afraid to leave and afraid to stay. You see that feeling is familiar to all of us who are human, watch this short You Tube Video and pay attention to the lyrics:
Jimmy Durante 'Did You Ever Have the Feeling ' - YouTube
I am not making light of how you are feeling. We all share that quitting drinking or not. The only difference between non-drinkers and active alcoholics is they don't drink over it! They sing it out!
Jimmy Durante 'Did You Ever Have the Feeling ' - YouTube
I am not making light of how you are feeling. We all share that quitting drinking or not. The only difference between non-drinkers and active alcoholics is they don't drink over it! They sing it out!
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
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I didn't obsess all that much in the beginning...I guess I was so over it that the feeling of not drinking compared to drinking just felt so much better. I knew in my gut what was right I knew where I wanted to be. I had to focus on the future. I HAD to take the bull by the horns. I made alot of changes this past year. Separation from husband, moved and rented house, restarted my part time business, started a real job outside of being a stay at home mom, deciding to move and putting that in action, starting yet another job, new environment, now divorce...I could go on...that is all between keeping up my sobriety.
Change is good...we need change as so not to get stagnant. We need change to keep our feelers up. I figure I'll never really be normal. I'll never have a healthy relationship with alot of the things from my past -I can't even have a normal relationship with mouthwash anymore.
My mind pushes forward...I rarely think of the way it was. Not that I don't remember the feelings I had -they are forever engraved as so I will never repeat the past but I can't dwell on it either. Life is a forward motion...a constant wave...a sequence of events that keeps me pushing forward.
It was funny at work today...my manager was yacking away and saying that it seems the only employees she has had to deal with the past few years is (please no offense to anyone) gays, ex NA members, ex AA members and crackheads. She looked at me and said "I'm glad your normal."
Boy, did my heart sink...just knowing my own truth. But hey, I pulled it off. They think I'm normal. Mission completed. LOL...keep swimming, Pigtails.
Change is good...we need change as so not to get stagnant. We need change to keep our feelers up. I figure I'll never really be normal. I'll never have a healthy relationship with alot of the things from my past -I can't even have a normal relationship with mouthwash anymore.
My mind pushes forward...I rarely think of the way it was. Not that I don't remember the feelings I had -they are forever engraved as so I will never repeat the past but I can't dwell on it either. Life is a forward motion...a constant wave...a sequence of events that keeps me pushing forward.
It was funny at work today...my manager was yacking away and saying that it seems the only employees she has had to deal with the past few years is (please no offense to anyone) gays, ex NA members, ex AA members and crackheads. She looked at me and said "I'm glad your normal."
Boy, did my heart sink...just knowing my own truth. But hey, I pulled it off. They think I'm normal. Mission completed. LOL...keep swimming, Pigtails.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
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I know what you mean. For the first several months I felt like my entire world revolved around not drinking. Now I'm at 8 months and I'd say that thoughts about not drinking kind of come and go, but I'm regularly focused on recovery. I do think there's a difference -- in my step group we talk a lot about recovery but very little about drinking or not drinking or cravings. We've all been sober for long enough that we are more concerned with moving forward in life instead of constantly looking in the rearview mirror, if that makes any sense.
Just give it time, you will get there.
Just give it time, you will get there.
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Join Date: Oct 2007
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I remember feeling obsessed, too. What helped me was to remind myself that feeling obsessed is a symptom of my alcoholism.
I allowed myself to feel grateful for my sobriety but other more intrusive thoughts I tried to acknowledge as an obsessive, alcoholic thing.
I allowed myself to feel grateful for my sobriety but other more intrusive thoughts I tried to acknowledge as an obsessive, alcoholic thing.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
Doing AA will completely fill up the void left by removing the drinking related things in your life. You get to decide if that's what you want to continue to be true every day you wake up.
Perhaps at some point you'll not choose that, the option to stop or take a different path is always there.
I'd never try to convice someone to do something they'd rather not do, and should you decide at some point that staying sober in AA isn't something that you care to continue I'll be the first to say 'attagirl'.
Participate as long as you care to participate, and then don't. You're responsible for all your choices, and for where those choices take you.
What's cool about AA and SR is we get to preview the results others get from taking the paths we are considering. How doing or not doing something works out for them. Using that info to decide if we want the same results for ourselves is a great guide and a real gift.
Easy enough to read up on people who were active for a few weeks, didn't involve themselves in the actions that make a difference and then pulled away because things were going pretty smooth for weeks so they obviously didn't need to do the whole enchilada and how things went for them after. About 6 a day here showing up again confused and mystified how it possibly could have gone so bad after they were doing so well is what I see.
A lot of recovery is monkey-see-monkey-do, winding up with generally the same results of those we emulate. Pick solid, stable and contented monkeys. Or not, your call.
Perhaps at some point you'll not choose that, the option to stop or take a different path is always there.
I'd never try to convice someone to do something they'd rather not do, and should you decide at some point that staying sober in AA isn't something that you care to continue I'll be the first to say 'attagirl'.
Participate as long as you care to participate, and then don't. You're responsible for all your choices, and for where those choices take you.
What's cool about AA and SR is we get to preview the results others get from taking the paths we are considering. How doing or not doing something works out for them. Using that info to decide if we want the same results for ourselves is a great guide and a real gift.
Easy enough to read up on people who were active for a few weeks, didn't involve themselves in the actions that make a difference and then pulled away because things were going pretty smooth for weeks so they obviously didn't need to do the whole enchilada and how things went for them after. About 6 a day here showing up again confused and mystified how it possibly could have gone so bad after they were doing so well is what I see.
A lot of recovery is monkey-see-monkey-do, winding up with generally the same results of those we emulate. Pick solid, stable and contented monkeys. Or not, your call.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
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I was SO obsessed with NOT drinking whenever I quit for a mere 19 days earlier this year. Everything I did revolved around not drinking, because when I drink, I do it every day, in a few different bars, and it takes up hours and hours of my time.
Back when I had thought that I smashed the addiction to alcohol by just "not drinking," and was feeling way too obsessed with the sobriety aspect, I was told (on this message board,) that being obsessed about a new found sobriety seems like a better deal that drinking heavily every day just to pay for it the next day... don't you think?
Anyhow, I'm trying to quit again, and I still get obsessive about abstinence and sobriety... but as I've been told, it IS a ton better than drinking everything away. Drinking myself into an oblivion.
I've had friends quit, and for the first few months they tended to obsess for sure, 100%. But as time went on, and they found new things to do outside of bars and drinking, they seemed a lot happier, they didn't obsess as much, and they just finally enjoyed their lives!
Back when I had thought that I smashed the addiction to alcohol by just "not drinking," and was feeling way too obsessed with the sobriety aspect, I was told (on this message board,) that being obsessed about a new found sobriety seems like a better deal that drinking heavily every day just to pay for it the next day... don't you think?
Anyhow, I'm trying to quit again, and I still get obsessive about abstinence and sobriety... but as I've been told, it IS a ton better than drinking everything away. Drinking myself into an oblivion.
I've had friends quit, and for the first few months they tended to obsess for sure, 100%. But as time went on, and they found new things to do outside of bars and drinking, they seemed a lot happier, they didn't obsess as much, and they just finally enjoyed their lives!
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
You only have to go to AA until you want to... LOL. This assumes that AA is your method of choice for getting recovered.
Ah heck, I felt the same way, still do occasionally. As I have mentioned to you before, just take all of this one day at a time.... What are you doing TODAY? If you don't drink today, you have done a lot and it's amazing, you know? This happy normal life you want? What is that, really? Drinking wasn't making that happen, and probably won't, so you have already done a lot towards that goal of a happy normal life!! Awesome!!
Relax!! It doesn't come all at once and often not in the time frame we want and maybe not exactly how we want it to. It's not up to me... So I have one important tool that I use when I feel like you do.... What do I need to do today? What is the next right thing? Taking these questions to meditation, or prayer, or to your higher power is one way to develop the serenity you seek. What do I do today?
Ah heck, I felt the same way, still do occasionally. As I have mentioned to you before, just take all of this one day at a time.... What are you doing TODAY? If you don't drink today, you have done a lot and it's amazing, you know? This happy normal life you want? What is that, really? Drinking wasn't making that happen, and probably won't, so you have already done a lot towards that goal of a happy normal life!! Awesome!!
Relax!! It doesn't come all at once and often not in the time frame we want and maybe not exactly how we want it to. It's not up to me... So I have one important tool that I use when I feel like you do.... What do I need to do today? What is the next right thing? Taking these questions to meditation, or prayer, or to your higher power is one way to develop the serenity you seek. What do I do today?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Vashon WA
Posts: 1,035
Hi Pigtails,
Your story is inspirational for me, we are basically in the same boat since I quit the day before Halloween. I struggle with the same thing--do I have to think about not drinking all the time when I don't even want a drink when I'm craving one? Am I just totally losing my mind, doomed to spend the rest of my life at the bottom of an empty bottle?
Somebody on this website talked about how since they were done drinking they started calling themselves "the General", a character who would never drink. I've taken that attitude to heart and twisted the (not) drinking obsession into a means to count the ways that I am a stronger "badder asser" person now, turning weakness into strength?
Keep up the good work!
Your story is inspirational for me, we are basically in the same boat since I quit the day before Halloween. I struggle with the same thing--do I have to think about not drinking all the time when I don't even want a drink when I'm craving one? Am I just totally losing my mind, doomed to spend the rest of my life at the bottom of an empty bottle?
Somebody on this website talked about how since they were done drinking they started calling themselves "the General", a character who would never drink. I've taken that attitude to heart and twisted the (not) drinking obsession into a means to count the ways that I am a stronger "badder asser" person now, turning weakness into strength?
Keep up the good work!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Vashon WA
Posts: 1,035
Hi Pigtails,
Your story is inspirational for me, we are basically in the same boat since I quit the day before Halloween. I struggle with the same thing--do I have to think about not drinking all the time when I don't even want a drink when I'm craving one? Am I just totally losing my mind, doomed to spend the rest of my life at the bottom of an empty bottle?
Somebody on this website talked about how since they were done drinking they started calling themselves "the General", a character who would never drink. I've taken that attitude to heart and twisted the (not) drinking obsession into a means to count the ways that I am a stronger "badder asser" person now, turning weakness into strength?
Keep up the good work!
Your story is inspirational for me, we are basically in the same boat since I quit the day before Halloween. I struggle with the same thing--do I have to think about not drinking all the time when I don't even want a drink when I'm craving one? Am I just totally losing my mind, doomed to spend the rest of my life at the bottom of an empty bottle?
Somebody on this website talked about how since they were done drinking they started calling themselves "the General", a character who would never drink. I've taken that attitude to heart and twisted the (not) drinking obsession into a means to count the ways that I am a stronger "badder asser" person now, turning weakness into strength?
Keep up the good work!
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