1undone

I keep asking myself this, if drinking is no longer fun and you don't get a good feeling from it why do it? I wish there were better physiological explanations and more research on how to turn the obsession off. I know that sounds simple but if we don't like a certain food we don't eat it. I don't even like the smell or taste of alcohol anymore so why would I even want to drink it?

I know it's a drug but you have to consume it over time which involves the taste. I suppose I'm having wishful thoughts about this just going away an easier softer way! BLA!

Just having a tough day of thoughts. I think I read a total of 5hrs to keep my mind off this today! So glad I can come here with my random thoughts! ;D

least

The part of your brain that's addicted 'tells' you that you need to drink for it to feed the addiction. But it's your mind telling you that you can control it "this time" and that it's ok to drink, even tho rational thinking knows it's NOT ok to drink.

I had to force myself to stay sober until it became comfortable to me. It helped a lot too that I started practicing gratitude every day, so I was well aware of all my blessings and knew just how much I could lose if I drank. It's been two years now and it's still working well for me. I rarely think of drinking anymore and the few times I get a thought of it my rational mind tells that liar to 'buzz off'. No contest there, I'm stronger than the addiction now.

Impurrfect

For me, I got to the point where I didn't LIKE getting high but I NEEDED it. I just couldn't seem to get high enough. A short time of being numb, only to be followed by anxiety, the desire to get MORE numb, and the cycle continued. There were times when I had to talk myself INTO using, yet I did, until I found recovery.

When I chose recovery, I remembered my last relapse, which was pretty bad and miserable. I had to remember that there was never enough of whatever (crack was my final drug, but I certainly abused a lot of other stuff before that).

It took time, but like ((Least)), I thought of all I had to be grateful for. My first gratitude list was said through clenched teeth and had 2 things on it. Didn't take long, though, until the list was a lot longer, and today? Well to do a full gratitude list would take a few hours, but that's okay Recovery is tough, at fist, but it is sooo worth it.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Dee74

Like Amy, it got to the point for me where booze/pot were my only go to options for everything - and I was so demoralised/beaten down/hardly ever sober/used to my misery than I couldn't really conceive of living any other way....

D

1undone

Dee I guess I'm there because I am beaten down mentally, I hear ya. It's just mind blowing to me that after high blood pressure, anxiety, weight gain, depression and on and on.... That there wouldn't be something in your brain that blocks this self destruction because when it comes right down to it that's all drinking is when you're an Alcoholic - total self harm. It's just so weird that a human would even be"wired" for that kind of behavior.

Dee74

We can deny a lot too I think 1undone....the human mind is amazing...in both good and bad ways

D

flamingredhair

I don't get it either. Last rehapse I had was so unpleasant. The vodka tasted like crap and yet I drank it. I felt like crap the next day and STILL I think about drinking.

wpainterw

When the body gets its chemistry and metabolism accustomed to alcohol and suddenly the alcohol is withdrawn then it's like having a normal person on the desert with no water. The body does everything it can to persuade the mind to resume the alcohol, no matter how bad it "tastes", no matter how horrible the memories, no matter what the possible consequences. Its attitude is "give me the alcohol and I'll worry about the rest later".

W.

CaiHong

When I was drinking, the time that I felt like drinking the most was when I was feeling really happy I rarely drank when I felt depressed.
1undone sorry to hear you are feeling crappy. Apart from being online what else are you doing? I was feeling a bit crappy the last 2 days, flat, grey, heavy and awkward.

I read something on this website that helped to put that feeling into perspective. It has passed and I am doing things and each thing I get done I feel happier. I am thinking about my program as I go about my daily life.
The furtherest thing from my mind is a drink. I believe the obsession leaves you if you do the work, whatever program that may be.
All the best
CaiHong

Hevyn

1undone - It isn't logical, but I did it for many years. Always insisting I could make it fun again if I just tried hard enough. If I could just have a few & let that be it. Of course, I was never able to make myself into a civilized drinker.

Just know that you aren't alone in feeling this way. Glad you did come here with your random thoughts. We care

1undone

Thanks all!!!

Cai-I'm an Agnostic AAer. . I'm working the steps and going to several meetings a week. Reading is a big help for me as well and not just the The BB. Now what I need to work on is my health!

It's overwhelming what addiction has done to me internally. I hate thinking about it but I am facing that. All can be reversed, I just have to put in the work.