Hurtbad2505

Hi everyone,
How do you get over the anger of a family member ruining yet another holiday because of alcohol??

I may have to miss our annual Christmas Eve at my mother's because my brother will be there. I just can't be in the same place with him as he has been threatening to 'take out' my son over some stupid drunken moment he had last month. My poor mom is beside herself, and I HATE hurting her...but I just can't do it again...I have lost count of how many Christmas' my brother has ruined and this year I have a 14 month old grandson that I have to think about, I don't want him around that stuff and I just can't do it either.

I am trying to make the best out of it, but dang it! Nobody in my family wants him there but would never tell him that! He has always been mom's 'baby' and she sticks up for him to no end. My mom is 82 and I know there aren't infinate holiday's to spend with her. Christmas Eve has always been our BIG DEAL night and they used to be wonderful before my brother got divorced and started attending every year!!

I guess I just needed to vent to someone other than my sister...lol I imagine some of you have been in the same situation and understand...any advice on how to make this less painful...especially for my mom?

MsPINKAcres

((hb2505))

hate to hear of your brother's disease and behaviors and I truly understand about skipping special events to avoid being around unhealthy people.

Maybe you could try to reassure your Mom it's not about her and ask her not to take it personally ~ you are just doing what is healthy and peaceful for you. Maybe it might help - it probably wouldn't with my mom but I would still have to do what is healthiest for me.

I'm worth it and so are you!

Beside maybe if you do it this year - you give someone else the courage to do it next year -

PINK HUGS & well wishes for a peace Holiday - no matter how you choose to spend it!
Rita

Thumper

Maybe you can plan a get together with your family, mom and sister for New Years or something so you'll get to spend some time with them away from the antics of your brother. Sorry your holiday is mucked up though. That is always hard.

Hurtbad2505

Well supposedly he is skipping Christmas eve because he is mad at me and my son (long story but he showed up at my daughter's wedding last month drunk (at the church no less!) He was confronted about it and turns out he is mad at us! Just concerned he will change his mind and show up..drunk of course.

Already told Mom I wouldn't be there Christmas Day since he will be there, she cried and blamed herself...

MsPINKAcres

Anytime I go to any function, anywhere ~ I always have an exit plan, strategy and my keys easily accessable - my Plan B keeps me feeling safe!

If he says he isn't coming - go, enjoy the family fellowship - if he shows up - quietly say "Oh my I forgot I had to run that last minute errand; love yall & bye bye"

No big drama - just quietly leave for a sane & safe place!

Hurtbad2505

That's my plan! Family is already on notice that he shows up we are out!

Thanks for the support, sorry anyone else has to live this way, but glad there are others that understand

Debi4vols

So sad your mom blames herself

Isn't that what us co-dependents do...Its all our fault..grrrr

Here's wishing you a quite non-eventful Christmas

choublak

This is a bomb just waiting to go off.

The truth shall set you free.

I know it's easier said than done, but I can't think of anything else to make things less painful. Maybe give your mom some al-anon stuff to read?