blindsided08

Hello all,
I'm new here and have just recently found out my boyfriend is addicted to heroin and has been a user for about 6 months now. He hid it from everyone in his family until his mom was able to fully confront him. On his own he has willingly committed to going to rehab to get himself better. Our relationship has been suffering for a long time but I never in a million years thought this could be the reason..at all. I know this may be naive of me to think, especially with no experience dealing with an addict what so ever..but I think he has hit his rock bottom along with other things happening to him recently and he realizes the terrible web he has weaved himself. It's a difficult time for everyone, around the holidays, but he chose knowing he would spend Christmas there to go now..I think this is a great step in the right direction for him. I understand it isn't a go in, get fixed and come out fine process..but we have agreed for him to begin counseling while he is in there, for drug abuse and emotional counseling because he also suffers from depression..and we are going to see a couples couselor. I guess I should mention that we are 22 and have been together literally since we were kids..he is the love of my life and I can't imagine giving up on him. I don't know what I'm looking for exactly from all of you..just words of hope since that's all I have to hold onto right now.

Tunie

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. You sound like an incredibly strong individual and I hope you keep that strength as your boyfriend goes through his own path of recovery.

I wouldn't have imagined giving up on my boyfriend either, when we were in a similar predicament. The most important thing I learned was how to support him in a healthy way.

Your involvement in his recovery can be a great bonding experience. But don't misinterpret that. It could very easily mean that 'your involvement' will be searching for counseling and groups for yourself. Next time your at the rehab center he's at, ask around about groups for the friends and family of addicts.

Best of luck to you, blindsided08!

CanfixONLYme

blindsided,

There is ALWAYS hope - that's what keeps a lot of us going in our daily lives with regular 'crap'. But it's true what people are saying here... - take care of you... allow your addicted loved one to really take care of his issue.

It's definitely not a quick fix (rehab and then he'll be cured)... it's going to be a challenging road, but the fact he is voluntarily doing this on his own is a good sign. Keep positive, but again, think of yourself and things will work out as they should in the end.

Big hugs,

OwlFeathers

Blindsided, hopefully he will stick with rehab and get better. In meantime, please get yourself to Naranon and/or counseling, read stickies at beginning of this forum, and read up on the other post so you can understand better what your dealing with, and what you need to do for you.
Much love!

blindsided08

Thank you all so much for your kind words, they truly do mean a lot to me. I understand that this is about him more than it is us, and I'm definitely not pushing any issues between us, simply being there for him. I was able to visit him tonight, he is in good spirits and seemingly excited about getting his life back together..for him. I have taken much advice from other boards on here and downloaded codependent no more, hopefully this will help me better understand how to take care of me in this oh so confusing situation. Thanks again everyone!

Hanna

Welcome to Sober Recovery. Glad you found your way here. You written words indicate you are catching on fast! And there is always hope.

~ Hanna

cc88

I truly hope this is the case. In the case of my brother, as soon as he runs out of lies/places to stay/food he starts turning in job applications, talking about going back to school, and using words like only a motivational speaker could deliver. None of it is true. It has kept my family (who in every other aspect of life have almost superhuman liar detectors) in his webs for 10+ years. I hope that your boyfriend truly wants to change, I would just say to keep your wits about you and to take everything with a grain of salt.

useyourwords

Sending good thoughts to you and him! So sorry you are going through this. As others have said, I would use the time he is in rehab to focus on YOUR recovery -- go to naranon, read anything you can, etc. Remember, when it comes to addiction/recovery -words don't matter! Only actions/behaviors.

Data varies, but post-treatment recovery rates at 5 years after treatment show that only about 15% have stayed clean and about the same percent die in that time. Tough numbers, yes, but important to know. There is ALWAY hope! Always. But don't let hope cloud your judgement or put your health or safety at risk. Hope you find support here and keep posting!

Panda13

I'm kinda in the same situation. My now ex-boyfriend of 4 1/2 years is an alcoholic and addict. We'd known each other since we were 12 so letting go of someone you love but you can't help is the hardest thing I think we'll ever have to go through. He went to jail for awhile and then when he got out he started therapy and meetings and everything in out relationship was great, or so I thought. I was blindsided when I found out that he in fact was smoking weed and going on drinking binges. When I asked him if he wanted to be sober he didn't say yes or no, just rambled on.

I'm going to miss the good times we had and I hope he wants to get help, and I know that I'll always love him. But I realize that I need to start taking care of myself and he needs to start taking himself.

I hope that the counseling sessions will be good for you two and I hope that he'll want to get as much help as he wants to get. Look at yourself and ask what it is that you want along with knowing what you will gain if you end the relationship or keep it going. Hang in there. *hugs and prayers coming your way*

blindsided08

thank you all for your words and your similar stories. I'm still holding onto to hope with everything I have but I have also made sure that I'm taking me time so I don't wear myself out over this. I'm also trying to remember that every baby step is just that and preparing myself for a slide back. I will say he has been clean for a over a week now, only needed detox for three days and hasn't taken any meds since then and says he is feeling so good. our relationship has improved greatly but again I know it could all change in an instant. for now I feel like if he is willing to help himself get better, I have to give him that chance. thanks again everyone, and Merry Christmas!