Vigo

My office Christmas party is tomorrow morning from 8:30AM to Noon at my boss's house. Attendance isn’t mandatory, but it is “expected”. I am a relatively new employee, about two and a half months into the job.

I really do NOT want to attend this thing. I have some anxiety issues as it is, and 3.5 hours is a LONG time. I’m not particularly good friends with anyone at the office. In fact, the person I would be spending most of my time with would be my boss’s daughter (we are both in our early twenties), and I think that would be a terrible idea, for obvious reasons.

Does anyone here have experience in skipping their office Christmas parties? Anything you could possibly relate to me? Thanks.

EDIT: Title should be Office Christmas Party

doggonecarl

Go for the last hour, grab a bit to eat, and to ensure that the boss saw that you came, thank him personally.

Then leave. Total time at party: 30 to 45 minutes.

Vigo

Thanks Carl -- I should mention that I don't have a car and would have to get a ride to and from the party (public transportation doesn't go to the location)...

Fenris

Not with office Xmas parties, no, but I think the same philosophy applies to pretty much all situations: don't do anything that jeapordizes your sobriety. Recovery has to come first, ahead of everything, or sooner or later, we find ourselves with nothing. I don't advocate lying, but bending the truth here might be a little appropriate (the lesser of two evils, etc.). That's how I feel about it anyways.

--Fenris.

steelmagnolia

good answer doggonecarl...i agree. this is a good idea for several reasons. and...by the time you get there, the drinkers should be well into it. just pop in...grab a plate...smile a bit...eat some goodies...and thank your boss---it was fantastic!! good luck sugar....mags

Hanna

It makes it more complicated because it's during business hours when I assume you would normally be working? Is there any way you can make the excuse that you have urgent work to finish up at the office?

If you don't go at all, I think you are justified in telling a white lie here.

Vigo

Not really – basically the only excuse I can use, without outright lying, is “the bus doesn’t go there, and I didn’t want to bother anyone by asking them to give me a ride”.

I guess my concern is everyone knowing that I skipped the party, and having to recite my excuse to everyone who says “Where were you? We had so much fun!” Why in the hell do they even have these damn things!

doggonecarl

Seems kind of early for cocktails. Is being around alcohol the concern? Or are you just not comfortable going?

You have every right to say no. Stay at work and collect your pay. Afterwards you can tell the people who asked why you didn't go that you didn't want to impose by asking for a ride.

That is unless you can find the person who only wants to go for an hour or so...and ride with them.

Tosh

You know, sometimes we can make a big deal over how important our presence is somewhere. Imagine one of your co workers couldn't get to the party for some reason; would you care?

Probably not. It'll be the same for the others if you don't turn up.

If you think this threatens your sobriety, don't go; make whatever excuse you need to, and stay away.

But you can't hide from life in the long run, you need to find a way to deal with these situations. I found my answer in A.A..

LaFemme

I really hope there isn't Alcohol at an early morning party!

If you think this could trigger drinking make an excuse and don't go. If you don't want to go just because you don't want to go, it might mean you need to evaluate some things. There are things in life we need to do even if we don't like it.

Tigger41

I can't see there being alcohol at a morning party at your bosses. Seems to be a social anexity issue and not a concern about alcohol. Right? And no one feels comfortable at these things. I've been the boss having the party and I wasn't comfortable lol

Vigo

WELL, I decided to bite the bullet and ask someone for a ride. Basically, for the reason that Tosh said: "You can't hide from life in the long run, you need to find a way to deal with these situations."

This is actually one of the main reasons I got sober. I wanted to be capable of going to functions like this. If I was still a drinker and a user, I wouldn't even CONSIDER going to an event like this.

I also really liked what Tigger said: “No one feels comfortable at these things.”

Thanks for the responses.

sugarbear1

is your boss a non-drinker? never heard of an early morning party at boss' home....stick to business and tell them a clear head does business best!

Hanna

Oh good! Let us know how it goes!

Dee74

I see you're going - hope it's not too hard a time for you Vigo.

I see nothing wrong in declining invitations until you feel strong enough and secure enough in your sobriety to attend.

I stayed away from events where alcohol would be central for a while - I wasn't hiding...I was working on my way of life, and the me I wanted to be.

The way I see it, 'Life' will be still be there...when we're ready for it.

D

Nirvana1

I highly doubt you will get pressured to drink that early and if you do it would be extremely unlikely that anyone would think you're abnormal for NOT drinking. If anyone asks just say you are going to the gym right after since it is pretty early in the MORNING

Vigo

Thanks everyone, I'll let y'all know how it goes.

I’d also like to clarify that this is more of an anxiety-related issue – as far as I know, there will be no alcohol at the function. It’s more of an issue of me having a hard time socializing WITHOUT alcohol or drugs. Even though I’m 10+ months sober, I still struggle mightily with social/sober interactions.

BUT, like I said before, a year ago today I would have skipped this event. Hell, 8 months ago I did skip an office party due to anxiety issue. So, this is clearly progress.

Lily

Vigo, I hope you have an unexpected good time. I too have anxiety issues. The other night I went to a dinner theatre w/ another couple and hubby. I felt a bit of anxiety before we went. (There is no alcohol there ever so that too wasn't an issue) But I ended up having a really nice time. The same lady even invited me last night to a Christmas Concert the high school puts on each year at the big Grand Theatre and I didn't wanna do that either, but my hubby encouraged me to go. I ended up sitting next to her mom and had a really nice time....it was a little long....but hey, I am venturing out. I have been kind of in a hibernation mode lately and I know this is not healthy for me.

I hope you go and have a super great time Vigo cuz as we make more and more connections in our sobriety we make memories to draw from that are positive.

Blessings, Lily

Dee74

sorry for misunderstanding Vigo.

I'm pretty shy socially too, but the more comfortable I am with who 'Dee' is, the more other people seem comfortable with me too, and the less I worry about other people anyway

Give it time

D

Anna

Vigo, I think many of us here are uncomfortable in social situations, but I hope you manage to have fun.

You could always offer to help the host/hostess if you find yourself 'lost'.

Enjoy!