jamesthecat

Little history, just for context: 34 year olf female, been binge drinking since I was oh, 15 or so I guess. I can stop drinking for weeks, but when I start, its like making up for the time. Anyway social situations always involve ahcohol. Even if someone just stops over to say hi. Well, I guess this is a crutch I've held on to for too long, because it turns out I'm a pretty boring person when I'm sober. I have no idea what to say to people. I try to think of subjects but I can't and when I do it sounds lame and canned and I'm no good at small talk. This has become painfully obvious, even with my husband. I've always been quiet I guess, I used to save up conversation topics for the night out so I would have pleanty to say. Plus, when my husband and I go out for a night, we have so much fun and laughter, a situation that I have not been able to recreate while sober. I told him after the last time dring the horrendous guilt ridden hangover, that I had no business drinking like that anymore and needed to stop. His reply was basically that how will we ever have fun and that he should resign himself to a dull existence with me. Anyway, I haven't fully made the comitment to stop drinking. Like many others, I need to try the controlled drinking thing first. Its hard to identify as an alcoholic when I only drink a few times per month. But in the few stretches I have stopped, for 4 or 6 weeks at a time, I really feel good, emotionally. I want to continue to feel good and I know that that means no drinking, but it also means things with my husband are not fantastic. Mostly I'm finally starting to feel like a grown up. I have a good job, an education, 4 hids and a husband, yet somehow I never really felt all that mature. Well, I got on here to say that I think I'm a boring person, but also to say that for the first time in a ... forever, I like me. I just hope that my husband grows to like the "new" me. And why can't I ramble on like this in real life?

quitforme79

Way to go on deciding to stop drinking jamesthecat I think it takes time to get used to who we are when we are sober...like any new experience for me I always feel a little uncomfortable at first but then it becomes a familiar part of life. I am very early in sobriety and feel like I am watching my life as if it were a movie. I know that in time I will get back to myself and feel a lot better and happier. You said that you feel like you are finally starting to grow up. Nothing wrong with that! To me, growing up means being responsible but also having been thru enough experiences to have some good wisdom. There are many exciting things that I am sure you and your husband can do sober, you just have to decide together what that will be. Best of luck!

Jeans

I can't believe he even said ur no fun without alcohol, it sounds like ur keeping the fun going for the both of you and that's not fair. I'm also shy without alcohol but i'm hoping i'll learn to get over that when I give up. You already save topics of conversations for small talk which I think is a really good idea and I'll be using that.

I don't have much advice I'm afriad as I'm new here and don't know what i'm doing myself but just wanted to say good luck if you decided to cut down or go sober. I bet ur not boring when ur sober at all, u just need to find ur confidence which is what I need to do too xxx

Tigger41

Oh, Hey I love a party!!

All kidding aside - this is real life and maybe you would ramble on and on if someone were to listen as to why you don't want to drink anymore - how you feel when you're not drinking - how much it hurts that you are so shy when you're totally sober etc.

Your husbands response, well that was a bit cruel actually. I know what's that is like - have a similar significant other... doesn't make it any easier to hear.

And yes - with 4 kids, a job and a house etc. it is time to grow up. I wonder why so many of us fight that in this day and age.

If you know it's time to quit then it is time to stop - especially if you know you feel better when you've stopped. Also, which one of "you" does your kids like better? Mine like the totally sober Mom. and most important - which "one" of you do you like most??

Lots of good information on this site and some good honest people trying to keep us all moving forward.

Good luck jtc

Fenris

Welcome to SR jtc. Yeah, I've never been accused of being a conversational genius -- I think "socially awkward" fits pretty well, and being sober hasn't done much for that (yet). I actually was just talking about this last night to my sponsor. He pointed out that a lot of this is just fear of what other people think/will think about me and like most other things in life, it just takes practice. The longer I'm sober, the more comfortable I feel in my own skin and as my self-confidence grows, the less fear I have about being judged for my inability to put two words together without sounding lame to myself (and others? maybe, maybe not). I hope you have the same experience.

As far as your husband is concerned, I have a little bit of a problem with the fact that he values his "fun" over the price you pay for drinking. As an alcoholic, I am truly an inconsiderate selfish ***hole, and that sounds like something I'd say.

--Fenris.

mazza

As a person that could talk underwater about anything I have to say that I actually ADMIRE people that dont speak half as much as me..because when they do talk It begs you to pay attention..

least

Welcome to the family.:ghug3 If you truly want to stop drinking, do it for yourself, no matter what anyone else thinks or says. I'm sorry your husband was so mean to you. But get sober for you, the rewards are great.

mazza

As a person who could talk underwater to anyone I have to say that I actually ADMIRE people who dont talk half as much as me..because they say so little when they speak It begs you to listen..

Oops sent that twice..

Anna

Hmm, if my husband ever said that to me, I would be out the door and never look back.

DarrenW

I was able to go 6 weeks without drinking. Then I drank one and didnt stop until I hit 31. Then I drove drunk. Could have OD'd on alcohol, could have gotten a dui, could have killed someone and been in prison. At that point I believe I would have came to the conclusion I have a drinking problem. I chose to quit while I was ahead.

jamesthecat

Yea, my husband has a bit of a selfish streak to him. I think one of the things he's bucking against is my recent refusal to let him bully me with his passive-agressiveness shenanigans. I am finding my confidence, I am finding my feet, and I think he feels threatened by that. But that's a whole nother story.

Ah the kids. Fortunately, they rarely see me drink. Hungover me is no peach to be with though. :/ They are a big motivator.

Thanks for the warm wishes and kind words.