LacyM

Just had an arguement that I should have avoided, but oh, couldn't help it. Over a stupid ceiling fan. I like having the fan on when I sleep...Shouldn't be the end of the world. I pay bills here too, but he came home complaining, "asking" me to turn it off, and I said I wouldn't. He just had to throw the alanon dig in there. Said I have the 13 steppers telling me what to do....How funny is that???? I am locked in the bathroom right now....my choice. lol.... Here is what really infuriated me though...He stated that he is a very good father....It's always ME that is here though. How dare he think he is a wonderful parent? I just couldn't let him think that I thought that was true.... He isn't. I am here with her when I am not working. Him??? optional. I am locked in the bathroom gathering my thoughts and posting here so I don't go rip his arrogant head off. The arrogance kills me. My poor daughter doesnt deserve a dad like him. She was asleep when he got home. It doesn't matter that she has been asking for him since we got home. You 13 steppers, apparantly, have all the answers...lol

Learn2Live

It is not good for your daughter to see you fighting. That is very hard on children. Is there some compromise you can come to, in order to avoid the fighting? It may be inconvenient or uncomfortable, but it would help your daughter if you could come to a peacable agreement. (((hugs)))

gerryP

I'm confused. A 13th stepper is an AA term where a male or female with more time in AA goes after a newbie/newcomer. ie: dating, sex etc.

NYCDoglvr

True. Your husband is using the wrong term.

Alcoholism is a progressive disease so if you think things will improve, they won't while he is drinking. I agree that you should really consider your daughter, this is a terrible situation for a child to be in. Do you want to change things or simply go on with it?

Tuffgirl

LOL! I also opened this thread thinking this was related to the true meaning of the 13th step.

theuncertainty

Hugs, LacyM. I can commiserate with you on the topic of good parenting. XAH swears up and down that his drinking never affected DS and that he is a good parent. I suppose, if the definition includes trying to make up for binges by spending whatever money is left after the binge on toys for DS as a way to apologize, maybe he is. But unfortunately he is DS's dad and that won't change and neither will his parenting style until he makes an active decision to change...

Personal vent here: I'm sorry, but when DS comes running back to the room crying that daddy's belly-up like the fish, I think the drinking has affected DS. Not to mention, never once taking DS to daycare, school, never going to any school events, driving under the influence with DS in the car during his visitation time, or all the other stuff...

Yep, screams involved parent to me...

BTW, good job on coming and venting here... Hang in there

Learn2Live

ECH!! Uncertainty Sounds like my childhood! I used to check on my dad's breathing all the time when I was a kid. I was so scared he was dead whenever I saw him sleeping. And nope, he never went to anything, school events, graduation, concerts, nothing. He existed in his own little world that did not involve any of us, except to yell at us, ground us, or boss us around (we had to follow his rules); although once in a while he'd get sober for a while and would do something with us like take us to the park. But it was very rare.