Change4good

Stuggling with the fact that only I seem to understand that drinking is a problem for me. Friends (non-alocholics) invite me for "a drink" to celebrate milestones. Friends give us very expensive bottles of wine.

I think about when my step father quit smoking after 30 years. He didn't tell anyone, and kept a pack in his car and in the house. His thinking was, "I am doing this for me. And I am not smoking because I don't have them, but because I choose not to."

I agree that removing temptations is a good thing. But at some point, you have to live in the world, with people who smoke a drink.

That is all.

Dee74

you need to live in the real world for sure, but you can make it easier on yourself.

I liken it to something like taking up weight lifting - you don't decide to start at the heaviest weights, you need to work up to it.

I realise some people don't wish to reveal their private struggles - thats a personal decision - but it shouldn't stop you from being prepared to face life sober.

Thats why I suggest people think carefully about festive season invitations - I stayed out of the social stuff until I felt I was ready - I 'worked up to my weights'.

If you can't do that, for whatever reason, have plans in place to deal with any eventuality (especially xmas drinks and xmas presents of bottles of wine) and generally be careful.

It's easy to go with the flow - not doing that that takes work...but I think it's definitely worth it

D

Change4good

As always Dee, you are a voice of reason. Spoken from experience. I value what you offer us.

susanlauren

Change4Good,
Those nice expensive bottles of wine make perfect gifts for re-gifting. And it is the season. Just because I can't drink safely, doesn't mean that someone else can't.
Susan Lauren

Change4good

Susan,

Thanks for that suggestion. I just need to be careful that I don't re-gift to the gifter. :-)

susanlauren

Yeah, re-gifting to the giver might be a little awkward.

Bianca105

Change,
Sad but true, a lot of people who would categorize themselves as "social drinkers" are already drinking too much, imho. So yes, we're surrounded by it. Not sure how much that helps, just wanted to validate you.

That being true, you'll have no problem getting rid of any bottles of wine or booze you somehow wind up with for the holidays, there's always someone happy to take them off your hands.

eta:
i think a lot of people give wine or booze because it's just sort of something everyone likes, anyone can use and will appreciate... so sort of a lack of creativity. I used to do it every year, it's an easy gift. Now, at 5 days sober and haven't really "announced" that I'm done drinking, I don't know if that's still an appropriate gift for me to give! Probably not. D'oh!

EmeraldRose

I don't take it so personally. People drink...people party...booze flows freely over the holidays. So let them. I choose not to. I just deal with the situations as they come. Someone gives me a bottle of wine...I pay it forward. Someone offers me a drink...I just say no. Someone invites me to a party...I have the option to decline if I don't like the crowd. I think sometimes we panic before any situation happens. It usually doesn't turn out as bad as we had anticpitated.
I won't place myself in a situation that is going to jeapordize the past 11 months. People do respect your decisions.

sugarbear1

Pens, paper, & tape. Write who gave it to you, pass it on, document it. You can take a pic, too!

onlythetruth

Yep! Those bottles of wine make excellent gifts, and in a pinch can even be used for rolling out pastry.

LaFemme

I have only bought wine twice since getting sober...once as a hostess gift for a party I went to and once for an art recording I was having. Both times I felt bad doing it since I believe alcohol is poison...end of story...even for those people who arent sick in it.

eJoshua

Living in the real world is fine, but would you keep eating at restaurants that cook with peanut oil if you had a peanut allergy? Would you continue to spend time with your friends if every time they invited you over they insulted you? Do you also drive without wearing your seat belt, because that's what the real world is like?

Somehow, somewhere along the way, we all get tricked into thinking that by avoiding situations where we would be tempted to drink we are somehow invalidating our sobriety, and it's simply not true. Avoiding certain situations does not mean that you are living in a fantasy world, it means you are being prudent.

Does that mean you isolate yourself? Of course not, there has to be some balance, but all I'm saying is if I was a recovering crackhead I wouldn't hang out on the street where I used to buy crack, so why would I continue to put myself in precarious situations under the pretense of being "real"?

Best wishes.