bmbshl

Late last night my AH let me know that he decided that we should separate. Of course, initially I felt hurt. Then I recognized that the reason he cited... it wasn't me, it was all him. He's been in recovery for almost 4 years, but seems to have been slipping and he's not working his program. That revelation (that it wasn't me) and that everything is at it should be came to me earlier this morning. Of course, the hurt is lingering a bit.

Almost cliche, I find out at lunchtime that I'm pregnant. He recently has begun to vehemently profess his desire not to have children. Some form of calm has come over me, though. Finding out i'm pregnant just snapped to me... I have to take care of myself. I need to only be concerned with myself and what is right for me and my child to be. I recognize that I may a lone parent, and I am good with it. Much to my surprise, the fear is not there. I feel at ease. I am actually feeling much more at peace with his decision to separate.

I firmly believe that Al-Anon has helped me get to this frame of mind. I recognize that God as I understand Him has a plan for me, and everything is as it should be. Thank you to the members of this board that recommended Al-Anon to me. I am grateful at this very moment.

I am still trying to formulate how to tell him. He is going to be angry. He's going to accuse me of getting pregnant on purpose. The beauty is, I know that is not the case and I don't have to take it personally.

XXXXXXXXXX

Look out for your and your baby's safety first. I'd he is ever violent, wait to tell him. Put some time in between the two of you first. I got pregnant at the end of a relationship. Fortunately my daughters dad is not an A, but it was
still very hard to say, I know we aren't going to be together, but we will be parents.

Good luck to you. Take good care of yourself now. It's doubly important to stay healthy.

Do you have a good gyn doc? Get yourself there I'f you have one and if you don't talk to some moms about where they go. A good doc will discuss these issues and get you hooked up with some counseling if you need it.

Learn2Live

All I know is, take care of you! And now baby too! Get them vitamins and avoid stress like the plague!

chronsweet

Congrats! Having a baby is hard work but is also so awesome and rewarding. I think raising a baby in a stress free environment is the best thing a parent can do! I wish my environment didn't contain an A, alas, I am working on that.

Can you separate and then tell him once you've settled? I'd suggest that just because I felt forced to try to make something work that was just never going to work out in the long run anyways.

fedup3

It sounds like you have that inner strength now to do the right thing for you and your baby, you should be very proud of yourself. I hope you have people in your life that you can turn to for help and I'm so glad you went to Al Anon. Please keep posting to keep us up to date with what is going on with you and the baby.

MyBetterWorld

I would wait until you are living separately to tell him, personally. No telling what he will do otherwise. You don't mention if he has been abusive, but either way, I would wait. We can never predict what the A will do.

Congratulations!
M

PixieGirl

I agree that if it was me I would wait to tell - maybe into the 2nd trimester. Just take care of yourself and baby!

lillamy

Raising children as a single parent is a whole lot easier than raising children together with an alcoholic. Trust me on this.

vujade

I was going to say the EXACT same thing as Lil. I've had experience on both sides of the fence, too.

Happy baby to you!!! Parenting is a journey like no other!!

MyBetterWorld

I second that Lil! It's amazing how much easier it is!

Willybluedog

bmbshl,

I would recommend that you separate, file for divorce and have the lawyer tell his attorney, that way you are safe and you can plan for child support and custody at the same time.

Best of luck to you, prayers and hugs for you and the baby,

Bill