topdog0627

I talked to DSS today. My daughter has been placed with her grandmother as of now. They said that my daughter was not in danger and that they did not give custody to my mother in law. That is all they would say. They did say yesterday that my wife was to undergo drug testing at a detox center. Does anyone out there know how all of this works? When DSS gets involved what happens in the drug testing process and will they force my spouse to get help? Again, I did not want to do this, but she had my daughter with her. The sewer was turned off for non-payment. Am I being too harsh in this. I read that I should not bash her any more. I was literally giving her hell. She changed her number when DSS got involved. Was this the right thing for me to do? I juwst pray that I did the rightthing. I know that if we speak again I am more informed of her disease now. I am working my 12 steps from a different perspective now. I really love my wife. I hope that she gets off the opiates/painkillers and sees that now.

hope213

D.S.S. is not about breaking up homes it is about helping. i believe when your wife gets clean & sober she will regain custody. how about you? she couldn't come stay with you? i would think at this point she would b ready to change homes for awhile. i KNOW you did the right thing by calling social services. your daughter is safe. i am proud of u that you made the call.keep working your recovery & keep coming back here. prayers for u all,

outtolunch

She will not be forced to get help. The choice has been and will continue to be her own. Loosing her daughter may or may not be enough. Addiction demands it be protected and sustained at all costs. It's impossible to call someone else's bottom.

topdog0627

Bad thing is I really love my wife. She didn't want to be around me because I called her out on the fact that I knew she was still on the pain pills. I do not know if I was handling it the right way or not. I am trying to do the right thing, I just do not know what the right thing is any more. I am praying that she realizes that all this was out of love. I would never hurt her. I promise. I just wanted her to be clean or lose my daughter. I have seen her twice in the last 4.5 months. We were talking after this last time. She kept saying that she was in a program and that the people in her program were telling her not to come back to me. She also said that she was thinking about trying with me again. Just as soon as I told her that I knew she was lying( found out with a PI friend ) she went bananas on me again. She is going to punish me by keeping my daughter away from me at Christmas. When people start getting clean after taking 15-20 opiates a day do they start becoming themselves again and missing their spouses. She doesn't have a boyfriend or anything. Just the pills. What do I do? She changed her number on me after DSS came. I tried to call her mother (the enabler) she cussed me out. When will all this end?

TitiEmily

I am sorry that you are going through this. It sounds scary and confusing and painful and sad. I believe that you definitely did the right thing by informing DSS. If your daughter is living with a drug addict, someone who can be objective needs to be watching and monitoring her safety. No one can FORCE your wife to get help, but DSS will be able to offer her the option and the resources to get help. Then it will be up to her whether she chooses to take advantage of those resources or not. In the meantime, your daughter is safe. That is important. Do you still have parental rights? If so, I would think that they should be including you in planning for your daughter.

I can relate so much to your confusion about what is the right thing to do; I am struggling with that with my son. I am trying to soak in the wisdom of those who have been on this forum for longer than me, and to trust that, while this is a long and difficult road with no easy answers and no magical cure, there is still hope for the future.

newnormal4me

Just because chaos ensues does not mean you did the wrong thing. There are lots of choices you could make...but the big question is your motive. If you did this to "wake" her up, you should probably do some serious soul searching. If you did this to protect your daughter, then that is a right move (in my opinion). Our supposed "love" for them often takes our common sense away. I say this from personal experience. I wish I would have pulled myself and my kids away from the chaos when it started. Instead I hung around in hopes that he would "wake" up. Well, that didn't happen, and I finally did some "right" things. None of them have felt good, and often they bring on more chaos. It's just the nature of the beast unfortunately.

Hang in there and keep going to your meetings. Check your motives. Is your daughter living with you not an option? Just curious in all of that...

topdog0627

I am going to move back to muy town. I ran 100 miles away so that she could not get to me. I am going to try to get joint custody of my daughter. I am ready now. Pray for us. Thanks.

Impurrfect

((topdog))) - hugs and prayers coming your way.

Amy

Ilovemysonjj

Top Dog, you are following your heart. It is good for you to be with your daughter. Best of luck, hugs and prayers.
TT