Tigger41

Don't know if I'm just feeling sorry for myself or just grieving but I'm really sad. Went to my work holiday party and left after eating. Folks were moving onto their second drink and I just couldn't stay. Went shopping but i still don't feel better. I'm waiting to pick up my son from school and I'm practically crying in the car. I'm just so damn sad. I don't want to be the person I've become.

I don't know what to do except wait and hope this passes.

Sapling

Give it some time...You'd rather be the one you were?

Gerbosko

You're sober and you're picking up your son. So you feel bad for not drinking and risking you and your son's life while driving?

You have saved money from not drinking and you're completely down and sad because you had a money left to spend?

Gerbosko

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Tigger41

No. I don't want to be that person either. I just don't want to be an emotional mess in car line. Who Very shortly will be having to explain to my 10 year old son why I'm crying for " no reason" in the car.

Dee74

I think you're just caught in the moment Tigger - read over some of your other posts - sober you is about a lot more than this momentary sadness

Bad part or not, you've lost a major part of your life - like I said elsewhere it's like losing a toxic ex - you know its for the best but it's still painful.

You won't always feel this way...but for now - lean on us

D

Anna

I rreally find that a Gratitude Journal helps me to get through some tough times.

I hope you feel better.

flamingredhair

It's normal to grieve the loss of something that was once a big part of your life. Even alcohol. Try some deep breathing and just try to redirect your thoughts.

*HUGS*

Gerbosko

Tigger, you're turning a positive into a negative. You went to a work party and walked out sober, you did extremely well and you're beating yourself up over it. Alcohol has a very powerful voice to those that are moping over the "loss" of the alcohol. When all you do is think that you're losing something by quitting alcohol, you're going to be completely miserable until you drink.

When you think POSITIVE about what you're doing, you're going to recover a lot easier.

Sapling

Tell him your crying because you are happy..And then be happy so you aren't lying to him.

Tigger41

I'll tell you this. If this is the process to get to recovery I never want to go through this again.

I never want to go back because I NEVER want to have to go through this again.

I should print this out and put it in my purse. Got to go he's coming out

AcceptingChange

the first few months are difficult dealing with your emotions. Your emotions were controlled by alcohol. Now, you have to experience them at their whim, without a lot of control. So, it's very difficult.
I find that part to be the hardest of all. Who wants to feel sad? Who wants to feel depressed? It's only logical that we try to cure it.

But some cures are too short lived to be viable. Cutting is a short-lived relief from struggling with emotions. But it doesn't work too well.
Others are more positive, lead to a better you, such as exercise.

One option is to try to develop a different relationship with your emotions. Try not to feel your emotions = you. And it takes time to learn to watch your emotions play out inside you, and some part of your mind watches it happen from a detached state.

Books help a lot. Naps help a lot. Setting expectations for how it should be is terrible, because it just leads to disappointment. It is what it is.
I realize it's easy to say this, and hard when you're in the middle of it, it's tough.

For some good, practical advice on how to handle this stuff, i recommend Pema Chodron's "Don't Bite the Hook" and "Comfortable with Uncertainty".

Getting sober is a challenge, a difficult one. Treat this phase in your life as a challenging one, one that requires determination, perseverance and a high tolerance for pain and discomfort. We have to make it through the quagmire and then we'll develop confidence and pride in ourselves.

Sapling

This one always brings me back down to earth...From a story in the BB.

And acceptance is the answer to all my problems
today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some
person, place, thing, or situation—some fact of my life
—unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until
I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being
exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world
by mistake.

Gerbosko

The process is what you make of it, Tigger. If you're going to be hard on yourself and constantly put yourself down, it'll be very hard to recover. Recovery does take time and maybe you're rushing yourself through it too fast. If you quit on a Saturday, you're not going to wake up on Sunday and be 10 years sober.


What have you learned from recovery? It's difficult but once again you'll need to change what you're doing if you're going to get depressed over a very positive change....

Hevyn

I agree - we are learning to live again in a new way. No longer masking our feelings.

Also, Tigger it's the holiday season. I was so sorry for myself the first sober Christmas. Poor me, I couldn't have "fun" like everyone else seemed to be. More like - I couldn't get wasted and spend the holidays in a foggy blur of activity.

I'm proud of you Tigger - you're doing this thing. It will all be worth it.

Sapling

Well....At least you made me laugh.

ROckey

Hey tigger. Now is the time that you need to pull all your resources and keep faith. One thing I have learnt I continue to stress to everyone is do not beat up yourself.

RV GTO

Look at all the support you have here Tigger Think positive!!

Deserto

Hey Tigger, you've gotten a lot of good support and advice here. One thing that leapt out at me in your original post:

"I don't want to be the person I've become."

I'm not sure I know what you mean here. I know in my earliest days I gave myself a big pity party because I didn't want to be the type of person who had to struggle with addiction issues, to be "in recovery," etc. If that's what you meant -- well I can assure you that that feeling passes.

If you meant the type of person who drinks too much -- well, you're not that person anymore, either.

You can become any person you want to be. Just keep at it. As others have said, this moment will pass.

Tigger41

Thank you everyone. It passed. I wish I could explain what it was but i cant

I just knew I needed help. Support. So i posted a cry for help thank you all for answering The sadness was so deep. but as said above that's not "me" its just my emotions.

37 days. And yes now I'm proud of that. I'll try not to slip into the pity party again.

Thanks again. I don't know what I'd do or where I'd be without SR right now.