frstnm

I am a recovering addict.

So i had the opportunity to watch a friend's kids this weekend. I got to see full force what her addictions have done to her kids and it reminds me of me and the way I grew up.
She was supposed to be going to NYC w people in recovery. Before she even got back she wanted me to leave before she got home for whatever reason.

The following morning she called me to tell me she had relapsed over the weekend and had been up all night on prescription meds, had drank over the weekend and needed me to take the kids meds as they are prescribed her drug of choice. It took me three tries to get what she had hidden to get some of the meds and the rest she wouldnt give up. I realized i couldnt do anything about it. She has been begging me not to call the father.

The next day I got about a page long text justifying and rationalizing why she needed some of the meds and her relapse. Not to mention her lying and manipulating doctors to get what she needed. I couldnt take it any more.
I cant stand seeing her all amped up or drunk. I called her and told her I would be there in 10 minutes - went there and gave her the kids meds and dumped the ones w her name on them. I didnt say a word other than it wasnt a good time for me to talk and walked out.

I tried to reply to yet another text about me just walking out and not staying for a while. Letting her know I was suffering mentally with the whole thing and it was upsetting and dangerous for me to be around her when she was high. Needless to say I got a bunch of angry texts demanding this and that.
I returned the meds. I havent called the father. Im not going to enable her to get away with this stuff by watching her kids and her when she is high. Her parents enable her far too much already. Basically ive been "adopted" by her family and children. They tell me they love me uncle scott etc and we were supposed to have plans to get together for xmas eve and morning. It sucks but I have to let her hit bottom again. Hopefully her higher power will watch out for her and her kids.

Im still torn on whether to call the father and did I do the right thing ?
I had professionals and parents tell me to call the father. My sponsor told me to detach w love. I guess that part is out. The professional in the program told me that I needed to detach with a machete.
Im also very hurt since she told me I was "her best friend" and invited me to christmas and I will now be alone and that hurts. It really hurts to see what this has done to the kids. I am very angry for allowing myself to be lied to, manipulated and cheated AGAIN. I hate this f*cking disease.
I had to be a little selfish to save myself.

I guess the moral of the story is dont hold meds for another addict.

Any support or feedback would be appreciated.

Tigger41

Call the father - please put the kids first - they haven't done anything. Putting - or leaving them - in a dangerous situation because you're afraid of what she'll say/do to you, I think is a bit unfair to kids who can't protect themselves at all.

Just my opinion. Call the Dad

laurie6781

Actually if this were happening to me I would call CPS first andthen the father, as getting info from CPS to supply to the court will give him more ammunition to obtain full custody.

But either calling or not calling CPS I would definitely call the father. Those children have been and are in danger.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

frstnm

so torn with detaching completely and calling the father and or my friend to let her know she has left me no option.
Very Ill today. Mentally, spiritually and physically.
So many suggestions and just cannot come to a decision so that I may find some peace internally.
Posted the same thing on another recovery board and got so many other responses some good and some bad. Still cant make "the decision" on what is the right thing to do.
I think I will fend for myself, pray, go to a meeting out of town so I can share anonymously. Talked to my sponsor and a couple of other clean recovery MALE friends.


All I can do is the best that I can do. Drew Barrymore

Dee74

I think Lauries advice is good frst.

D

Anna

The children need to be considered first and foremost.

After that, take care of yourself. I'm sorry that you're in this position.

quitforme79

I agree with Laurie. I grew up like that and when my father finally got custody my life improved immensely. Losing her kids will only help her to rock bottom but that's not for you to worry about anyway. Advocate for the kids and then walk away..you need to focus on your recovery and sanity ((hugs))

EmeraldRose

You should know the lies and deceipt of addiction. She isn't in her right mind and I wouldn't trust what she says -regardless of friendship. Sure she will rationalize why she needs the meds...but do you want the kids in harms' way while she is again hitting bottom? You can only do so much. I would call the father first. Let him call authorities. That is a dangerous situation for the kids to grow in. And I assume they are old enough to be left alone if you left before she got home?!

Opivotal

frstnm, sorry you've found yourself in this position. I know you want to wash your hands of this situation for your own sanity. I understand, BUT the children can't do the same. They are stuck in a dangerous environment. Without your help...what will happen to them?




Best Wishes To You!

lookinforward

So i had the opportunity to watch a friend's kids this weekend. I got to see full force what her addictions have done to her kids and it reminds me of me and the way I grew up
I think you answered your own question. If the father is not on the same path as the mother....call Him. If he is on the same journey as the mother.... call CPS.

GirlFromCO

As a witness, you have the responsibility to call the children's father and child protective services. Do what's right.

Lily

The children are being neglected, please call someone.

Talltrees

Okay, I know we are all supposed to say "Well here's what 'I' would do..." but good lord. No one should have to be in this position. Call the father, then detach with a machete!

Sapling

Keep it simple...Do what's good for the kids, good for you and good for her. You know what that is.

flutter

Just yesterday in my job, we were talking about whether or not we were 'mandatory reporters' (people that are required by law to report harm, neglect, etc). And while technically we are not, someone said "but we're still ethical human beings", so of course we would 'report' abuse, neglect, suicidal ideation, homocidal ideation (etc).

Personally, I would make only one phone call, and that would be to CPS. Those kids come first, they're innocent victims without a true voice. This needs to be on record, especially if it ever comes down to a custody transfer to the father, or what have you.

To know how they're being treated (and mistreated) and not doing something about it, is unethical in my opinion.

But again, that's just my opinion, I don't envy your position. I don't keep toxic, addicted, or mean people in my life. Period.

soberred

You could call the father and lose your friend forever. Or you could call the father and the children MAY have a chance of having a more normal, stable life. As it stands right now, they don't have a fighting chance. Tough and painful choice I know. I am sorry you were put in that position. This situation has affected your mental and physical health. Maybe it's time for you to cut ties with this friend or back off for awhile. Your sobriety may depend on it. Good luck love.

frstnm

I stepped out of the whole situation - I have to leave it to the Great Spirit to guide her.
I AM powerless over my own addictions and more so the addictions of others.
Im not sure if it was the right thing to do or not but i texted her and asked if she wanted to talk.
Said she needs time and to work on herself. I can respect that.
I can only assume its still happening but the kids are with their father this weekend,
I just wished her well and let her know she is loved and I am here for her when she wants to go to a meeting.

frstnm

It still hurts like hell.

choublak

If she's stealing her kids medication, wouldn't the father notice it was missing?