Update - Determination and Independence
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 16
Update - Determination and Independence
Hi All,
I wanted to let people know where we are one month 7 days after rehab. While he was in rehab I realized how angry I was at him and that I needed to talk to someone and began going to Al to work on myself. My anger at him was based off of a feeling of helplessness and emotional/physical neglect. I am working on myself right now.
We have been planning on moving out west for the last 7 months (before I realized how bad it had gotten) While I saved money he drank, this lead me to talk to him and let him know I was moving either way and for him to move with me he had to save $XXXX if he did not have this saved then he could move by himself or stay but I would not pay his way or hold back my life anymore for him if his choice was to spend all his money of drinking.
He did well after rehab going to meetings and working with his sponsor. What we realized though was that the two of us had drifted apart in his drunken stupor. I had starting hanging out with other friend more, we stopped being intimate about 3 months ago and since his recovery began this did not change. We are best friends but we have talked about how this relationship may not work as a couple because the two of us have changed so much. We have a lease until next April (planned on moving west) and will continue to be together and try to support each other until then.
Tonight he came clean to me that he has started drinking again (5 days ago) I appreciated his coming forward and telling me the truth. He said he was going to try to ween himself off of drinking and that it would be hard but he does not want to live this way. My response was to set boundaries with him, these are to help me go through this a third time....
1) no drinking around me- if he drinks in the house it has to be in another room
2) I don't want to see it
3) If we go to a friends house and he drinks - I will leave
4) I will not move with him at all if he is not at least 3 months sober
5) He will not use my car, I will not enable or encourage him...
Right now drinking is a choice he is making, I wont help him choose when to stop, how, when or where to stop. I can no longer push myself to do anything but support HIS CHOICES because I don't want to return back to my old resentful self. To me he will always be my best friend, but this is his fight not mine and while our romantic relationship is deteriorating I am proud he made it a month and think he can do it again. I hope this is just a small set back.
Have a Great Day!!!
FF
I wanted to let people know where we are one month 7 days after rehab. While he was in rehab I realized how angry I was at him and that I needed to talk to someone and began going to Al to work on myself. My anger at him was based off of a feeling of helplessness and emotional/physical neglect. I am working on myself right now.
We have been planning on moving out west for the last 7 months (before I realized how bad it had gotten) While I saved money he drank, this lead me to talk to him and let him know I was moving either way and for him to move with me he had to save $XXXX if he did not have this saved then he could move by himself or stay but I would not pay his way or hold back my life anymore for him if his choice was to spend all his money of drinking.
He did well after rehab going to meetings and working with his sponsor. What we realized though was that the two of us had drifted apart in his drunken stupor. I had starting hanging out with other friend more, we stopped being intimate about 3 months ago and since his recovery began this did not change. We are best friends but we have talked about how this relationship may not work as a couple because the two of us have changed so much. We have a lease until next April (planned on moving west) and will continue to be together and try to support each other until then.
Tonight he came clean to me that he has started drinking again (5 days ago) I appreciated his coming forward and telling me the truth. He said he was going to try to ween himself off of drinking and that it would be hard but he does not want to live this way. My response was to set boundaries with him, these are to help me go through this a third time....
1) no drinking around me- if he drinks in the house it has to be in another room
2) I don't want to see it
3) If we go to a friends house and he drinks - I will leave
4) I will not move with him at all if he is not at least 3 months sober
5) He will not use my car, I will not enable or encourage him...
Right now drinking is a choice he is making, I wont help him choose when to stop, how, when or where to stop. I can no longer push myself to do anything but support HIS CHOICES because I don't want to return back to my old resentful self. To me he will always be my best friend, but this is his fight not mine and while our romantic relationship is deteriorating I am proud he made it a month and think he can do it again. I hope this is just a small set back.
Have a Great Day!!!
FF
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