Jaynee

Hi, I'm relatively new here. Realized I have to surrender myself and accept the fact I can't have even one drink. I was never really bad for many years, except for the odd binge maybe once a month. You see my child was my addiction, I put everything I had into my one childe..., once she finished her masters degree at 23, and moved overseas, she no longer needed me. Then my marriage of 18 years went south, he got himself a younger girlfriend, but didn't want a divorce just yet, but I did. So I can't really say he left me. That was just over a year ago, and since then, well I have been completely out of control with drinking. The best part, is my doctor before I packed up and left the country and place I grew up in and just moved on a whim for a change, put me on anti-depressants and tranquilizers, plus sleeping pills. Well mix that with booze, and oh ya......serious problems. So my "bewitching hours" start when it becomes evening. Never drank during the day, but then again I was sleeping throughout most of the day. Obviously I don't have a job, don't know anyone around here either, talk about isolating oneself. But I do go jogging for about an hour every day. Have been on a few match dates, not a good idea when you are a drinker..... So my problem is night time. I know mostly because I am sad, bored, and lonely. I really appreciated the post about loneliness that was posted, and how it is actually a luxury. I have to practice gratefulness. Been reading the Big Book, been to some AA meetings, but there is one particular guy in these meetings that makes me very uncomfortable, real touchy feely type. So I haven't gone lately. I will go back when I feel stronger and just be honest with him that I don't like being touched. I say "thy will be done" alot.. because I realize God has his own plans and I have to take my strength from God, because I've lost my own. Well that is it from me for now, and I sure hope I can get to 30 days and then 60 days, etc... I am so proud of all of you for getting so far along. PS..lost a good man, relationship this weekend to a drunken email, I apologized, but he doesn't care, so now I am heart broken and obsessing about it and this makes me want to be self abusive which of course is picking up a drink. Wish I could stop beating the **** out of myself...... "thy will be done".

trigirl71

Maybe an all women AA group would be better for you if that is possible.

MadamX

Hi Jaynee, I am new here to. Actually just joined today but I have been viewing posts for a few days now. 3 days is awesome! Keeping busy is key when your lonely. Join a gym or become a volunteer somewhere since you dont work just to keep busy. Since your battling these issues right now it might not be the best time to try and meet a new guy. In my own experiences I have learned that you need to focus on your own issues before you can ever make someone else happy. Perhaps a counselor may help as well. Best of Luck to you and your right you can do it :-)

Sapling

Don't let that one clown ruin AA for you...You wouldn't let him do that to you in a grocery store, would you? Find yourself some night meetings...Meet some people just like you that don't drink. Make some friends and work the program...If Mr. Hands is there...Sit on the other side of the room..I got a guy that coughs through the entire meeting...I come in...Spot where he's sitting and head the other direction....You never know...You might end up looking forward to nights.

ARTEMIS

Welcome. I know just what you mean. Nights are cold, dark and lonely,
and at this time of year seem to last forever

Dominica2

I also have trouble with nights, they call to me. It's like I know as soon as I get home that the alcohol is waiting for me, and that will make everything better, even though I am powerless against it and all I want to do is stop. Just think about it this way, you know it will make you feel worse and you definitely dont want that. Best wishes to you.

sadsoul2011

Welcome! (((Jaynee)))

Sounds like you've had some difficult times. Well...you've come to a wonderful place for support and advice.

Early evenings and nights can be particularly difficult because of our "old, bad habits". I found that mixing up the routine a bit can help. If cooking dinner at a particular time is a trigger - find a new time for dinner or do easy meals so that you don't need to be in the kitchen... Or, through yourself into planning healthy, healing meals and exercise. Maybe plan to do activities at night that you can't do while drinking (i.e., Xmas shopping or running errands).

If you celebrate the holidays and like to bake - make cookies to take to your neighbors. Put together a care package for your daughter - bet there are tons of things she misses that she can't get where ever she is. Join a church if that interests you. What about volunteer opportunities. What about hobbies? Do you knit or crochet...woodworking? Have you ever wanted to? Believe me, it is much more productive and fun to do it sober LOL! . What about learning a musical instrument or journaling. Reading (also better sober).... What the heck - everything is better sober!

Another activity that also helps me A LOT is reading and posting on SR. Contributing will make you feel better and change up your routine. I spend lots of time on here - especially in the beginning.

Keep reaching out for support - both here and in person. You CAN do this!!! Make sure to let us know how you're doing !!!!

Jay1980

Hey Jaynee. It's good that you recognized this. That way you can try to prepare yourself for those tough nights. Weekends are a killer for me. My temptations seem to multiply by a hundred when Friday and Saturday hits so I try to have a plan for those days. It does suck sometimes but it's better than the alternative.

Jaynee

Thanks all for the messages, I truly appreciate it.

Sadsoul, I paint and fool around on photoshop. Hence the profile pic I did of my last bender, I documented it thru photos and photoshopped them...., but I haven't painted anything in awhile. I have a blank canvas...time to start again....

Dee74

Welcome Jaynee

I used to find nights difficult too - I always felt so lonely, and I'm not sure why.
When I quit drinking nights remained a problem for a while - but I was always glad there was someone around here at SR, or things to read....

Gradually, as I worked on myself and my recovery I grew more comfortable in my own company and I lost my loneliness & my fear of the night - it doesn't bother me now...

I hope that will be the same for you too

D

sadsoul2011

I think it's great that you paint! What type of thing (subject?? not sure what you call it.. ) do you paint? Do you use oils or acrylics? If you're comfortable sharing your work, I'd love to see some when you're done.

Your profile pic is neat - did you use photoshop or some other program to "distort" (or whatever the correct word is - please forgive me) the picture?

Enjoy your evening!!

Jaynee

SadSoul, I use any medium I can get my hands on. I have made my own silver jewellery, I have dyed silk scarves, I have used oils, acrylic, etc, etc,. My favorite is oil paints. I am self taught and didn't pick up a brush until I was 40, now 47. The profile pic I did with photoshop. I got accepted and I took one year of fine arts, the year my husband got himself a girlfriend, and then I moved down here so I haven't gone back into the program. Plus there is no money in fine arts, and I didn't like the direction that specific fine art program was going in, didn't really learn much except from the Art History class. I like doing my own thing. I will show you some stuff, but I have to get out of bed and get to the drug store, I'm so tired right now. Not sure How I would show you my stuff anyways. Thanks.

Anna

Hi Jaynee and Welcome,

I'm glad that you're seeking support and that you have decided to post here.

Like you, I found the nighttimes unbearable. I was an insomniac, long before I started drinking, but it definitely got worse. I realized that I didn't enjoy my own company at all, and so I had to figure a way to turn that around. Please know that you can enjoy your evenings and your life, free of drugs and alcohol.

least

Welcome to the family. My problem was all-day-ongoing as I drank all day every day, so I had to just learn to live with myself all day without drinking. It was hard, at first, but I kept at it and tomorrow I'll have two years! If I can do it, so can you.

sunnyjens

((Jaynee))

I'm a newbie and on day three too. I have been reading a lot in the evenings and popping in here every time I feel like I need a boost. You have taken the first step in making a change in your life for the better, and it will only get better as you stay on the path. Great job!