EDHARLEY

Starting to feel better so of course I feel as if I can drink again. Woke up and got some good news.. of course my life is a roller coaster... I immediately began to think and plan on having a drink.. nothing’s really changed.. just starting to think it’s ok you made it now go have a drink.. literally caught myself thinking about when my next drink was going to be..

Still have anxiety - thinking that its ok - day 4 and already forgetting about day three.

Got to keep my eye on this.. was close but glad I recognized it..

Anna

I'm glad you're doing well!

camedown

My next drink is ALWAYS tomorrow.


camedown

Tigger41

My next drink will be when I'm 85 sitting on a beach in Maui. I've promised myself them

Hang in there Ed

Jaynee

Ed, I'm on day 3. I'm up, I'm down, but I was like before my drinking got out of control. I have been given so many dx from shrinks, anxiety disorder, panic disorder, clinical depression, ADHD, PTSD, and the latest was Bi-Polar II with PTSD. It actually just depends on the decade and the latest and most fashionable diagnosis of the time. But I do know from reading about ADHD and Bipolar II (which are very similar), that you work towards a goal, hyperfocus, get really up on good news, finally reach your goal, and when you should be happy, you actually get really down. The opposite of what others would feel. Addicted to the get to the goal and once you get there your down????? So you getting good news, maybe actually triggering either old habits, that the good feeling can even feel better with a drink or your starting to reach your goals, so your getting down and want a drink to feel better. Doesn't matter......which......just remember it is just your system is messed up and your chemistry or biology is just off right now, and don't by into the messages your brain and body are telling you, disconnect from the ego and old habbits. Eckhart Tolle helps with that...

Ellen36

Wow, I can really relate Ed. It's easier not to drink when you are feeling sick from withdrawals. I am on my Day 2. I'm exhausted from not sleeping much last night---so my willpower is lower. I am still determined to stay sober and not buy anything after work.

It's crazy the mental "games" we play in our heads, right? "I've been able to stop drinking for a couple of days, so that must mean I can do that anytime." "Maybe I just needed a little break from drinking. Now I can just go have one or two like other people." For me, this is what starts my rationalizing. Before I know it I'm passed out on the couch. My husband and kids deserve better.

Hang in there.

VoiceinmyHead

I have always fallin into that trap of, "Hey, I fell great! One night of drinking should be fine, what could go wrong!" 20 days later when I wake up and do not remember the conversation I had with my wife the night before, or where I put my wallet (which I am sure has my credit card reciept), or where I hid the bottle I was drinking! Another month goes and the little voice in my head keeps me perpetually intoxicated to avoid conflict, stress or anxiety. The only conclusion that I have come up with is that I can not drink at all! Congrats on stopping yourself and goodluck on your continued recovery.

Vigo

Yeah, the hardest part is overcoming the urge to use for "legitimate celebration". I have a good job (thanks to being sober), and with a little money in the bank, it has been tempting to spend some of it.

At this point it's easy for me to realize that using won't make me happy when I'm unhappy. It has been difficult accepting that using when I'm happy isn't acceptable either. I'm getting there though. Reminding myself that my using can quite easily wipe away all of my achievements helps.

Dee74

stay connected here Ed - always a ton of support here
congrats on day 4

D

EDHARLEY

I thought that I was the only one.. It does seem like an endless cycle of building yourself up and then knocking yourself down.. only to find at the bottom that you were not as tall to begin with.. that you had only framed the superficial and never worked on the foundation which in my case is why i fall so routinely.. thank you all again so much for your responses.. sometimes you feel as if you are all alone posting and reading.

For me I am not going to celebrate by drinking today because I realize that I have only taken one step towards ultimate success in a line of many..

Not today and Ill save that drink for tomorrow..

Ellen36

Voiceinmyhead....that is so true about the memory thing. It's scary when I have opened up the fridge to find a meal that I forgot I cooked the night before---while drinking of course. My husband has told me so many times....in an agonizingly tired tone....yes, you told me last night or you showed me that last night or we already had this conversation. I had to start prefacing everything I said while sober: "I don't know if I said this already but...." But it got worse when my daughter (8 yo) would ask me to help her make up her list of books she read last week and I honestly could not remember what I read to her the night before. The look on her face.....so painful. Those are the things I must remember when I think about getting that bottle.

Ed--you are not alone at all. Look at all the hundreds of folks on here that say the same things. We have to be strong and break this cycle.

CaiHong

Hi Ed
That AV is amazingly convincing, whether I was feeling high or low it would slip it's way into my thoughts. It was a struggle sometimes to overcome the craving but I am so glad I did. These ups and downs could go on for a while so expect that but the mood swings do even out, I promise you, so hang in there.

Good on yu
CaiHong

tammygirl

ED, Jaynee, Ellen~ As of 6pm tonight, I will be sober 3 days. I can relate to everything you have all said. Tonight is extremely hard as I want a beer sooo bad....in fact, my brain is telling me, "you need milk, garbage bags, seltzer water, anything to get me to the store and I know if I cave, I will walk out with beer and start to drink."

I can get the things I need tomorrow from the store when I awake sober!

I have eaten chocolate, ice cream, ham, cheese, starburst, pepperoni, and I still cannot kill this beast to satisfaction!

I know it's early on for me, but darn, these psychological thoughts are so conniving and propel a strong argument!

This is not going to be easy, i know.

Jaynee

Tammy,,,,,, don't go to the store if you have that temptation. At least you know the temptation is there. I'm too tired right now to be tempted to do anything and I have to get to the drug store for a prescription, but I'm soooooo tired, slept 2 hours this afternoon, without sleeping pills and this was after 2 diet red bulls. But I got to get myself to the store, I am going to look for the DVD 28 days, I think that will help me as well as trying to find the book Healing the Additive Brain. But honestly, I am exhausted, which is okay because I am too tired to want a drink............

yo466

Ed-

That's the trap I always fell into, drinking when I felt better after getting over withdrawls and drinking to "reward" myself. I finally got it through my thick skull to remember what the 2 or 3 days after I would get totally wasted felt like. Every time I felt like drinking, especially early on in my recovery, I would remind myself of those 48-72 hours of hell and my cravings would immediately stop.

You are doing great, keep it up.

Ellen36

Hi, all! Day 3 for me today. Love the support here. Like this saying I read on another forum: "You will never regret NOT drinking in the morning." So true.

Tigger41

I love this quote