izeywoot

Hi, guys.
I'm not really new here, I've been reading threads and posts. I'm only new by starting this thread. I was in a relationship with an addict for over 2 years. He became an addict on our 2nd year. Before all of the drama, it was wonderful, made me more mature with things and realized a lot with myself. We were partners and best friends but things went different when he started using. He was in rehab for over 120 days, while he was getting himself into treatment, I was also having my share of recovering from the consequences of him being away from me and the pain of having to deal that the man I used to be with that became an addict. While he was there, I didn't really get myself into talking with him, I never called his house when he was on Sober Living, didn't send any letter too but once in a while we exchanged messages on Facebook whenever he could use the computer at his campus but they were short ones. One reason why I didn't get in touch was because I was in pain and it took a while for me to accept that he broke his promise of not getting himself addicted and I didn't want to get in the way of his treatment. I had to move on with my life but the pain and a bit of anger, I suppose, was still in me. Now that he's out, he became distant - it's like we're strangers again and like nothing happened between us but I understand. We never talked about our status, things just became cold. When I had the courage to talk to him, I asked where do we stand and he said he doesn't know, his one reason was because I never called him nor send him letters. Right now, I feel like this is my fault but at the same time I also had the right to choose myself. I didn't choose for him to use H. I never chose for us to be in this situation. I broke up with him (officially) just tonight. I feel nothing as of now, but I'm afraid that someday I might breakdown. I just want to ask you guys, how do you cope up with having the urge to talk to the person that made a difference in your life? Am I wrong for leaving him now that he's getting into recovery?

Gavetoomuch

^^That's the first thing. You are being so strong in doing this. I just left my son's father after being with him for 3 years. For me, when I get the urge to talk to him, I get on here and post about it (people are awesome on here and are always willing to give advice). No one can tell you if you are wrong, you know it deep in your heart. I can't really comment on the recovery part (my AXBF never got that far) but if you believe that this is right, then it is. If you breakdown, that's fine. You're human and breaking down is perfectly normal. It is not your fault. None of this. You didn't cause this, you can't change it, you can't cure it <<been living by this all week and it has been helping so much.

I know one thing, keep posting because there are others on here that know what you are going through and I know I don't mind offering some words of comfort. Keep your head up.

eyeswideshut1

Izey, I too am trying to disctance myself from an ABF. I know how hard it is to cope with the urge to contact the person. It sounds to me like you were very strong when he went into rehab, recognizing that you had to focus on yourself and let him work his own recovery. I don't think you should feel guilty or second-guess that. It sounds like you two have been emotionally separated for a quite a while, even if you just finally talked openly about it. Maybe finally having that conversation has caused some of your grief over the loss of the relationship to resurface, but I think you should keep going down the path you've been walking. You have opened yourself up to new experiences and new relationships, and that's an exciting thing!

izeywoot

Thank you so much for the replies! We've been talking recently and things that have not opened up while he was in rehab is starting to go on surface but I always keep in mind that he chose what he chose and I did what I had to do. It's not that we have been emotionally separated for quite a while, I guess maybe because it wasn't his first rehab and also not his first promise that was broken and I just sort of closed myself in some area of the relationship 'cause if I didn't I would have gone insane. I lost myself while he was recovering but I had to pick myself up because no one else can. It's so sad that the people we love the most go under these circumstances and all we can do is be brave about it. I don't see the point of why they use drugs and I don't think I would, but I guess we were chosen to be a part of these challenges for us to realize that we are stronger than we really think we are.