jamaicamecrazy

I ran into the local corner store and as I got out of my car I saw him- my AH with the "plutonic friend"- yes that is what he called her, and the skank he had the emotional affair with a few years ago. From what I gather- the skank has limited contact with him and only gets in touch with him when she needs something. The other one sounds like more of emotional support from what he's told me. She is married and is trying to work things out with her husband who is in another state. From her looks I think she is also an A. (Judgmental I know). So I said hello and made a little small talk and the skank said hello to me. There is no way I am speaking to her. She's got a lot of nerve. I was seething with anger and resentment and thoughts of revenge. I had to take some time to breathe deep, listen to some music, do some readings and pray. I do not want to feel this way. But I am not ready to forgive her. And as far as my AH is concerned...he is just looking pathetic. I don't want to sound prideful and spiteful but I was looking good and driving my new car. Maybe I just need to feel this way because the hurt is still so intense. I don't like it when I feel this way. I need to just let go and let God.

HopefulWifeHere

Don't give them the satisfaction of ruining your day. It sounds like you are doing well without him...the best revenge is to know that you are happy and don't need him in order to be that way.

jessiec

Ride on with your bad self! As they say, "Living well is the best revenge!"

akrasia

"Time wounds all heels."

Willybluedog

It took my wife years and years to forgive her, ex, and its been 14 years and still have not forgiven mine. It's ok to still be mad, work it out at your own pace!

Best of luck to you,

Bill

MyGirlGracie

Jamaica... "Plutonic Friend"!!! The label says it all to me...

Tuffgirl

I love it that forgiveness has no timeline. Go at your own pace. And remember, forgiveness is for you, not for her.

P.S. akrasia - good one! LOL!

Learn2Live

'Skank' LMAO! :rotfxko

It's OK to feel that way but don't hold onto that too long cause I believe you can get STUCK in your feelings. I had to feel judgmental, etc, in order to get over the alcoholic addict I had to get over. I used judgmentalism for moving forward in my life. It allowed me to get the hell away from him and HIS skanks! Then I just kept on goin'. Left him in my dust.

For some reason, I never got that "forgiveness" thing everyone talks about. In fact, I've never forgiven anyone, that I know of. What I am conscious of, that I have done, though, is just turn that stuff over to my Higher Power. I figure if someone has done something bad, they've not wronged ME, they've wronged their Higher Power and that's between them to work out. I can take myself out of the equation. It never had anything to do with ME in the first place. I think that when you're married, though, that might be different but I don't rightly know because I've never been.

jamaicamecrazy

Thank you all. I was just so full of negative emotion that I was shocked at how quickly I went there. I know forgiveness is for me. I am just not ready to go there with her-if ever. I know she is not the reason for us splitting up -she was just a symptom but the fact that she presents herself as this "victim" and a good Christian wife and mom. ARRRG!
Learn2Live- you are right. It is between her and her higher power. I don't need to forgive her for any reason other than I don't like the person I am when I feel this way.
MyGirlGracie- when he said "plutonic" I looked at him to see if he was joking. He sometimes says things wrong just to be funny. When I corrected him he looked confused. My husband is not a stupid man. He is well read. So for him to misuse that word causes me concern about his mental ability. Another sign that his disease is progressing.
Anvilhead-I think he was with one and then ran into the other. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall during the introductions. It was like he had his own little harem! I think part of the reason I made a point of saying hello and talking to him was so he could see what he had given up. The reality is he is so confused he doesn't even notice. But my passive aggressive self makes sure I talk to him whenever I run into him. Just to show him I am still around. I am still here. Haven't fallen apart. Looking good and moving on.
And yes, I know I am living a better life than all of them combined. That however does not always give me comfort because I feel "smug".
I guess I just have to feel the serenity of living my life on m own terms and taking care of myself.
Obviously I still have so much to work out.

tabatha

Oh my how I remember all the 'platonic friends'. The ones he was so called 'helping' from AA meetings. I didn't even go to his memorial service when he died because I couldn't bear the thought of running in to all of the 'platonic friends' and reliving the confusion and disbelief over just how many 'platonic friends' there really were. I try to feel forgiveness but it's just not comin yet. I guess we all have our unique time frame as to when it can fade into something that no longer upsets us.

choublak

Wait what? Your husband was at the store with two women, one of whom is also married?

Who does he think he is, A Pimp Named Slickback?

Sounds like they all deserve each other.

jamaicamecrazy

Choublak-Thanks for the laugh! It never ceases to amaze me how absurd the world of an A is!