Checking in with you Cassandra
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Today
Posts: 49
Checking in with you Cassandra
Cassandra,
I saw your post. Thank you. Just thought I would check in with you and see how you are doing today. Did you sleep well? How is your appetite? I remember going through that depression phase of recovery. It is the worst in the beginning. Just keep in mind that the majority of it is chemical. Our brains get used to being flooded with the chemicals that make us happy, dopamine and serotonin. The drugs we were taking cause this. Because the drug is making it happen, our brain stops making them on its own. So when we stop using, our happy receptors are left empty, with nothing to fill it, causing us to feel incredibly depressed. The good news??? Every day, the brain starts making more and more of its natural chemicals. So, be patient...you are under construction. =0) I know this is probably the last thing you feel like doing, as you are probably feeling kind of unmotivated too, but pick a time, commit to it, don't think, just do...do some kind of simple exercise to get your heart rate up for a good 20 minutes. If you sweat, great. The goal though is to simply keep that heart rate up so that your brain releases...ENDORPHINS! This helps me as I get some extra feel good chemicals that my brain so badly craves.
Sorry if you knew all of this already, but I wanted to pass it on because it helps me to be patient, knowing what is going on in my body when I am busy working so hard.
So have you had to face any big triggers since making this commitment to yourself?
If so, how did you get through it?
In your post, I can hear your drive and determination. Its awesome and contagious.
Very early this morning, I found myself staring down the evil drug. I justified that it was a small amount (I know better). The end result was that I started and stopped half way through because I knew that is not where I wanted to be. I don't think I have ever stopped once I started. I decided that I learned that I can be effective in stopping myself. I have the control and have to stop handing it over to my addiction. Unfortunately, (actually its a good thing), because of what I'm using, as soon as it begins wearing off, I start going in to pretty bad withdrawal. Just one time is all it takes. Its just the nature of this drug.
Today will be a good day for us!
We will talk soon.
I saw your post. Thank you. Just thought I would check in with you and see how you are doing today. Did you sleep well? How is your appetite? I remember going through that depression phase of recovery. It is the worst in the beginning. Just keep in mind that the majority of it is chemical. Our brains get used to being flooded with the chemicals that make us happy, dopamine and serotonin. The drugs we were taking cause this. Because the drug is making it happen, our brain stops making them on its own. So when we stop using, our happy receptors are left empty, with nothing to fill it, causing us to feel incredibly depressed. The good news??? Every day, the brain starts making more and more of its natural chemicals. So, be patient...you are under construction. =0) I know this is probably the last thing you feel like doing, as you are probably feeling kind of unmotivated too, but pick a time, commit to it, don't think, just do...do some kind of simple exercise to get your heart rate up for a good 20 minutes. If you sweat, great. The goal though is to simply keep that heart rate up so that your brain releases...ENDORPHINS! This helps me as I get some extra feel good chemicals that my brain so badly craves.
Sorry if you knew all of this already, but I wanted to pass it on because it helps me to be patient, knowing what is going on in my body when I am busy working so hard.
So have you had to face any big triggers since making this commitment to yourself?
If so, how did you get through it?
In your post, I can hear your drive and determination. Its awesome and contagious.
Very early this morning, I found myself staring down the evil drug. I justified that it was a small amount (I know better). The end result was that I started and stopped half way through because I knew that is not where I wanted to be. I don't think I have ever stopped once I started. I decided that I learned that I can be effective in stopping myself. I have the control and have to stop handing it over to my addiction. Unfortunately, (actually its a good thing), because of what I'm using, as soon as it begins wearing off, I start going in to pretty bad withdrawal. Just one time is all it takes. Its just the nature of this drug.
Today will be a good day for us!
We will talk soon.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 157
Thanks for checking in with me! I dragged my 21 yr old son out with me to go grocery shopping and to check on a job that I need to put a bid on. Poor guy. I wouldn't have gone myself. I've noticed that over the years of my addiction, I've gained weight. Not a huge amount, but a good 20 lbs. I ordered a diet and exercise program and I get it tomorrow. I'm going to start that as soon as I get it. I haven't been eating well during wd's mostly easy junk food, so this should be good for me. Triggers? Everything has become a trigger. Grocery shopping, housework, regular work.........everything. I just go through the motions for now since I don't have any pills left and have no intention of buying more.
Today will be a good day. My New England Patriots are playing! And my son was able to get a few laughs out of me. Life is not perfect yet, but I've got great kids, we're all healthy and I made it through another drug free day. Life is good. You hang in there too. Even a little can make you slip, and in my experience, it could take years before you try again. Who wants to go through that again right? Not me, and not you!
Today will be a good day. My New England Patriots are playing! And my son was able to get a few laughs out of me. Life is not perfect yet, but I've got great kids, we're all healthy and I made it through another drug free day. Life is good. You hang in there too. Even a little can make you slip, and in my experience, it could take years before you try again. Who wants to go through that again right? Not me, and not you!
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 157
Another thing that has helped me get through this last week, is something that I've always told my kids. Not in regards to drugs of course. I've always told them that tomorrow will come regardless of what you do today. So, I don't relapse today and I'll be happier about my choices tomorrow. I've drilled it into their heads with school work. They're both in college and doing great! They have honestly never given me even one day of grief, even through those tough teen age years. I thank God everyday for the wonderful children that he has blessed me with. I don't take any credit for how they turned out, they are just my gift from God. I know I can stay sober today, and I pray I can do the same tomorrow.
Chained you can do this too. I'm sure of it. Just keep telling yourself that tomorrow will come regardless of what you do today. Believe it or not, that has helped me through some of my mental battles.
Chained you can do this too. I'm sure of it. Just keep telling yourself that tomorrow will come regardless of what you do today. Believe it or not, that has helped me through some of my mental battles.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Today
Posts: 49
Hi! Good to hear from you. That is great that you took your son to the store with you. Good thinking =0) Is he supportive with this whole thing or is there anger involved? I just ask because though honesty is preached at my house, it is certainly not welcome. My husband wants to be supportive, but he hasn't gotten over when he first found out about my problem two years ago. He throws it in my face all of the time. Enough about that. My parents are awesome and supportive, but they already worry about me enough in my marriage. I can't watch my mom cry anymore...not that there is anything to cry about. I have so much to get done before my husband gets home on Tuesday. My plan is to be as productive as possible...keep plugging away at school work, clean the house, finish getting Christmas stuff up inside.
What diet and exercise program did you order? I know exercise helps so much, but the last few weeks I have blown it off, due to all of my things I had to get done. I can tell that I haven't been working out. I think my anxiety is higher when I'm not exerting my extra energy.
"Going through the motions" is okay. It works. When I journaled about it, I would call it my "recovery zone". I was "in the zone". That is how I got to all of my meetings in the beginning. The one thing I really struggled with during that time was going through therapy because I had to step out of the zone and discuss incredibly raw and exposed emotions and then figure out how to get back in the zone...Very hard!
It sounds like your kids are wonderful. If you're able to be honest with them about your feelings / cravings, keep them close and let them know what is going on in your head. I'm sure they are very happy for you.
My class just ended. This is where today's challenge begins. I have the rest of the day to get stuff done. I think I shall tackle this hour by staying at school for a bit and working on my paper. I'm not ready to go home quite yet.
[FONT="Franklin Gothic Medium"]We Will Remain Focused[/FONT]
What diet and exercise program did you order? I know exercise helps so much, but the last few weeks I have blown it off, due to all of my things I had to get done. I can tell that I haven't been working out. I think my anxiety is higher when I'm not exerting my extra energy.
"Going through the motions" is okay. It works. When I journaled about it, I would call it my "recovery zone". I was "in the zone". That is how I got to all of my meetings in the beginning. The one thing I really struggled with during that time was going through therapy because I had to step out of the zone and discuss incredibly raw and exposed emotions and then figure out how to get back in the zone...Very hard!
It sounds like your kids are wonderful. If you're able to be honest with them about your feelings / cravings, keep them close and let them know what is going on in your head. I'm sure they are very happy for you.
My class just ended. This is where today's challenge begins. I have the rest of the day to get stuff done. I think I shall tackle this hour by staying at school for a bit and working on my paper. I'm not ready to go home quite yet.
[FONT="Franklin Gothic Medium"]We Will Remain Focused[/FONT]
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 157
Supportive? Absolutely no one in my family knows that I am a drug addict, and whether it's wrong or not, I have no intentions of sharing that with them either. My son thinks I'm just recovering from a flu and that's how it's going to stay. I don't let them see me feeling depressed. I'm faking it till I make it.
I watched Dr Phil last week and they talked about something called the pink method. Everyone who's followed it had great results. By the sounds of it, you lose weight quickly, and it stays off. What I liked about it, is there are 3 stages of exercises. The 1 st stage is 20 minute workouts, 2 nd is 30 minutes and 3 rd is 40 minutes. I like that the gradually build it up. So, I ordered the program and will be receiving it tomorrow. This is my next step in the new sober me.
I'm really really trying to change my life for the better. I have to do this. I figure if I exercise and lose some weight, then maybe the depression will ease up a bit? Don't get me wrong, I'm barely hanging on, but I made it through another day.
I watched Dr Phil last week and they talked about something called the pink method. Everyone who's followed it had great results. By the sounds of it, you lose weight quickly, and it stays off. What I liked about it, is there are 3 stages of exercises. The 1 st stage is 20 minute workouts, 2 nd is 30 minutes and 3 rd is 40 minutes. I like that the gradually build it up. So, I ordered the program and will be receiving it tomorrow. This is my next step in the new sober me.
I'm really really trying to change my life for the better. I have to do this. I figure if I exercise and lose some weight, then maybe the depression will ease up a bit? Don't get me wrong, I'm barely hanging on, but I made it through another day.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: parkersburg, wv
Posts: 178
Cassandra- Congratulations on making it to day 9!-Way to go! I hid my disease from everyone in my family, until my Mom caught me order Vicodin online and then I came clean. My kids are little and I have no intention of ever telling them. They think I have had the flu over the past week too. I survived my son's birthday party clean! So I am proud of that accomplishment. Just keep on going Cassandra, you are doing great!
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