quitforme79

I blew it. Made the concious decision to do so yesterday after work. I have a slamming headache and can't stop throwing up. Social drinker never. I'm done drinking forever. No more "slips" for me. I would apologize for letting everyone here down but know I really only owe the apology to myself. Starting the clock again...

yo466

Quit-

Just get back on the horse. You had a month in, so you know what it takes to get there. I cannot even remember how many times I relapsed before things eventually stuck and I finally got sober for good.

Gerbosko

Look back and ask yourself what went wrong and what went right during your month sober. Replace the negative(s) with a positive.

Zebra1275

So what are you going to do this time? Are you involved in any face to face meetings, counseling or AA? It's tough to do it by yourself.

debsam

"I had a "this is it, I'm done" moment during my last withdrawl. The mental and physical angish of that time is with me today, and I keep it with me as a reminder. I will take myself there in my mind (even for a moment)...remembering the non-stop vomiting, the anxiety, the pure and utter dread of not wanting it to be another day. And then I put that thought aside and I move on with gratitude for what's in front of me, whatever that may be" (previous post to Betterlife)

Quitforme, This is a key part in how I have remained 8 months sober - let this time, RIGHT NOW, be that pivitol moment for you and never look back. Stop the insanity my friend.

You can do it...let this time be the last time.

Big hugs

Bimm

Sounds like you have gained important insight from this bump in the road, and you will emerge from this stronger and sober.
Good luk!

TheTinMan

Sorry to hear that Quit.

Glad you came back to try again.

What's the plan?

TimFoot

Don't look at it as the month is blown. Every day you didn't drink counts! Just get back on the horse. Don't worry about counting so much

ViciousCycle

Blown? Nah. Every day sober has meaning..........keep moving forward!!

Anna

Use this as a learning experience and know that it doesn't have to happen again.

quitforme79

Thanks guys. I told myself from the beginning that I would eventually drink again (socially). THAT thought was the problem. So, this time around I KNOW I won't ever drink AT ALL. My therapist said she didn't think I was an alcoholic hahah Doesn't matter what she says or what label I give to myself. One glass turns to 2 bottles to black out to suicidal thoughts. I did learn from this and for that I am grateful. And especially grateful for this forum!

Geralt

I had the same problem, thinking that if I stayed sober long enough, my tolerance would go down and I would become a happy "two-drinks-that's-enough" social drinker. So I blew 79 days of sobriety in October and my social drinking experiment ended up in a 6 day binge plus a horrible withdrawal as an added bonus.

Accepting that we will never be able to drink again is hard, but it's the key to recovery. Good luck!

Tigger41

Thank you for posting and for coming back and now committing to being a non-drinker. You're an inspiration to those of us only getting to our 1 month mark. And a warning for us as well.

VoiceinmyHead

Social drinking is something I just can't do! 3 drinks would equal a month long bender. Congrats on realizing what you had done! I hope I can if I blow it and that I just don't spiral back down. Keep going!

1undone

I used to think the way you do but above is how I now think. It's not that I'm being complacent or passive about my sobriety, I'm just being kinder to myself because it's no picnic getting through the hangover and to me each time we go through it we are that much closer to never having to drink at again. I don't have to drink over anything - happy, sad, party, special occasion, losses, etc. BUT stopping drinking is quite the loss.

Don't throw a month away just because you relapsed. No where is it written that you have to relapse but at the same time we do, we are alcoholics. So move forward!!!!

Dee74

welcome back Quitforme.
Everything you gained in that month is still there

You haven't blown a month - you've gained a lesson

D

quitforme79

Thank you Dee..I was wondering when you respond and actually feel sad that I disappointed all of you in some way. I know I have really only disappointed myself. Staying sober for that month was surprisingly easy for me; my thinking was that since that was the case I could handle it. Definitely learned I cant control my drinking. Period. I have been throwing up all day and will remember this feeling forever. Going to write down the awful consequences of last nite and keep it for future use when I consider wanting to drink. Thanks so much for all of your support hugs

Dee74

I couldn't reply earlier - I just woke up

In all seriousness tho - I drank again hundreds of times - I try never to forget that or how I would feel when I did.

You've done nothing I - or most of us here - didn't do.

Just...don't do it over and over again like I did

D

Gerbosko

Don't let other people label you, they're not in your shoes. Alcoholics can hide their problems VERY well and they'll do anything to appear "normal" in front of others. I think admitting to yourself that you have a problem is the first breakthrough in any recovery.

Sorry to hear that you've been sick all day. Poisoning the body comes at a high cost and I really do hope this is going to be the breakthrough that you needed.