Trying to stay sober
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Roseville ca
Posts: 5
Trying to stay sober
Hello everyone,
I am a 35 year old wife and mom. I had gastric by-pass 7 years ago. Ever since my surgry I have been drinking more and more. I drink two bottles of 13.5% wine almost every night. I can get up and go to work in the morning, however anxiety has set in. My drinking is coming between my relationship with my husband whom I love very much. For a long time I just thought "it's only wine, what is the big deal?" However I am finding myself not rembering the evening's end when I wake up in the morning. The other night I guess I got out of bed and decided to make a snack, I recall nothing of this incident, but the proof was al over the kitchen counter the next morning :o( I am becoming disgussted with myself, as is my husband. We attend Celebrate recovery together at out church, I am very honest with my group as to tell them that I am still drinking. The other night I started to look up "living with an alchoholic wife" on line and I came across this site. There was a letter from a member here titled "a letter to my alchohlic wife" When I read this I began to cry, as it seemed to be coming from my husbands own mouth. So what did I do? I went to the store and bought a bottle of wine...not the best Idea. I drink in the evening after work. My kids are all teenagers, what kind of example am I being to them? They just accept it. I tell them that I hope that they never drink do that they don't become addicted. They know that I am trying to stop, but I am not showing much strength. I decided this morning when I woke up that I am going to stay sober today. I heard something tell me "stay sober today because you love your self, husband and children." I just need to gain control, any ideas? Positives are always a good thing. Please feel free to reply.
Thanks!!
"I truely am a princess because my Father is The King of All Kings."
I am a 35 year old wife and mom. I had gastric by-pass 7 years ago. Ever since my surgry I have been drinking more and more. I drink two bottles of 13.5% wine almost every night. I can get up and go to work in the morning, however anxiety has set in. My drinking is coming between my relationship with my husband whom I love very much. For a long time I just thought "it's only wine, what is the big deal?" However I am finding myself not rembering the evening's end when I wake up in the morning. The other night I guess I got out of bed and decided to make a snack, I recall nothing of this incident, but the proof was al over the kitchen counter the next morning :o( I am becoming disgussted with myself, as is my husband. We attend Celebrate recovery together at out church, I am very honest with my group as to tell them that I am still drinking. The other night I started to look up "living with an alchoholic wife" on line and I came across this site. There was a letter from a member here titled "a letter to my alchohlic wife" When I read this I began to cry, as it seemed to be coming from my husbands own mouth. So what did I do? I went to the store and bought a bottle of wine...not the best Idea. I drink in the evening after work. My kids are all teenagers, what kind of example am I being to them? They just accept it. I tell them that I hope that they never drink do that they don't become addicted. They know that I am trying to stop, but I am not showing much strength. I decided this morning when I woke up that I am going to stay sober today. I heard something tell me "stay sober today because you love your self, husband and children." I just need to gain control, any ideas? Positives are always a good thing. Please feel free to reply.
Thanks!!
"I truely am a princess because my Father is The King of All Kings."
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Philly PA
Posts: 814
You are doing the best thing. Not drinking today.
Keep doing that - just don't drink today. And I have an understanding where you're coming from. I'm a mom of 4 and also was "just drinking wine" every night. It's better sober not perfect. Just don't take that first drink. There's a bunch of information and support here.
Welcome
Keep doing that - just don't drink today. And I have an understanding where you're coming from. I'm a mom of 4 and also was "just drinking wine" every night. It's better sober not perfect. Just don't take that first drink. There's a bunch of information and support here.
Welcome
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
Yes, stay sober today. Don't buy any alcohol and get rid of any alcohol in your home. Each day will become a bit easier.
It's always a good idea to talk to your dr before stopping drinking because detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous.
It's always a good idea to talk to your dr before stopping drinking because detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Olympia, WA
Posts: 83
Princess, Thanks so much for your post.
A lot of people make the choice to quit drinking for their wife, husband, family and even job. All great reasons to quit. It’s a tough road no matter what the excuse to quit is. My excuse to drink wine was that it helped me sleep at night. I too had family members reacting the same way as your family and I certainly had all the horrible guilt that goes with it and wanted so much to quit for them. But, every time I tried to do so, I relapsed. I tried numerous times over many years. There’s that saying: “We can only love another as much as we love ourselves.” It was only when I quit for me because I chose to love myself enough that I became successful at not drinking and have been successful for over 3 years now. Also, by quitting for me, it naturally showed my family how much I love them too. I did check myself into a recovery place not because I was forced to, but, because I wanted to and it helped so much. I wish you all the best on your road to recovery. You are in control, and a great new life awaits you and your family in sobriety.
A lot of people make the choice to quit drinking for their wife, husband, family and even job. All great reasons to quit. It’s a tough road no matter what the excuse to quit is. My excuse to drink wine was that it helped me sleep at night. I too had family members reacting the same way as your family and I certainly had all the horrible guilt that goes with it and wanted so much to quit for them. But, every time I tried to do so, I relapsed. I tried numerous times over many years. There’s that saying: “We can only love another as much as we love ourselves.” It was only when I quit for me because I chose to love myself enough that I became successful at not drinking and have been successful for over 3 years now. Also, by quitting for me, it naturally showed my family how much I love them too. I did check myself into a recovery place not because I was forced to, but, because I wanted to and it helped so much. I wish you all the best on your road to recovery. You are in control, and a great new life awaits you and your family in sobriety.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Roseville ca
Posts: 5
Thank you so much! I need the encouragement. And to Tigger41, I have 4 kids as well, I love them so much. I can only imagine what it is like for them to see me drunk. I am not a mean drunk, and emotional sappy crying drunk...its awefull. I just don't understand why I can't drink normally. My work Christmas party is downtown tomorrow night. Alot of the girls are car pooling and asked if I wanted to also. I declined and decided I will drive myself so that I know I can't drink. I have done it before, and not to mention I don't want to make an ass out of myself infront of my co-workers. The last party I went to with work was so embarassing. I tired of embarresing myself and my Husband. I can see the hurt in his eyes, he loves me so much and I am pushing him away bottle by bottle. I want to be done, I want my life back.
*Grateful*
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,619
Princess,
Welcome! You know I have heard of more and more instances of people who have had gastric bypass and switched from food to alcohol. I too am an food addict, alcohlic, recovering addict and also attend CR! I agree w/ what everyone on here is saying, don't buy anymore and just because the thought pops in your head, you do not have to act on it. You can do this, you and God, draw on him for help. Run to him and tell him what you have told us....he loves you!
glad you found us!
Lily
Welcome! You know I have heard of more and more instances of people who have had gastric bypass and switched from food to alcohol. I too am an food addict, alcohlic, recovering addict and also attend CR! I agree w/ what everyone on here is saying, don't buy anymore and just because the thought pops in your head, you do not have to act on it. You can do this, you and God, draw on him for help. Run to him and tell him what you have told us....he loves you!
glad you found us!
Lily
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: In a Good Place
Posts: 484
Originally Posted by Princess76 
Thank you so much! I need the encouragement. And to Tigger41, I have 4 kids as well, I love them so much. I can only imagine what it is like for them to see me drunk. I am not a mean drunk, and emotional sappy crying drunk...its awefull. I just don't understand why I can't drink normally. My work Christmas party is downtown tomorrow night. Alot of the girls are car pooling and asked if I wanted to also. I declined and decided I will drive myself so that I know I can't drink. I have done it before, and not to mention I don't want to make an ass out of myself infront of my co-workers. The last party I went to with work was so embarassing. I tired of embarresing myself and my Husband. I can see the hurt in his eyes, he loves me so much and I am pushing him away bottle by bottle. I want to be done, I want my life back.
Very embarassing- I actually got drunk at a pre party then hit the booze really hard at the company function.
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Thanks for sharing, Princess. Welcome to the forums!
Are you in a CR step group or are you attending open share meetings (or both). If you're not doing the step work you may want to buy the books and start working through them.
My CR step group has been going for about 6 months now, and we're doing some really hard work together. Feel free to PM me if there's anything I can do to help you out.
Are you in a CR step group or are you attending open share meetings (or both). If you're not doing the step work you may want to buy the books and start working through them.
My CR step group has been going for about 6 months now, and we're doing some really hard work together. Feel free to PM me if there's anything I can do to help you out.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Philly PA
Posts: 814
How's it going Princess? I realized I am I much calmer Mom when I'm sober.
I was making #4 some pasta and went to get a spoon and dumped half of the bowl into the sliverware drawer. Normally that would have set me off a bit - not yelling but put me in a bad mood. Today I laughed a bit and was like "oh well" and I was thinking to myself who the heck am I? But I'm sure my kids appreciated it.
I was moody and would snap a lot. I'm hoping that stops now that I don't drink.
hang in and remember - Don't live in a bottle today.
I was making #4 some pasta and went to get a spoon and dumped half of the bowl into the sliverware drawer. Normally that would have set me off a bit - not yelling but put me in a bad mood. Today I laughed a bit and was like "oh well" and I was thinking to myself who the heck am I? But I'm sure my kids appreciated it.
I was moody and would snap a lot. I'm hoping that stops now that I don't drink.
hang in and remember - Don't live in a bottle today.
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
Welcome Princess! This site is full of so many wonderful people who have lots of experience, strength and support to share with you. I hope you'll hang out for a while.
I know very well how alcohol can be a disruptor in your relationship. My fiancee and I had been together over 6 years before I stopped drinking, and I'm really surprised she hung in there those last few. But our relationship has gotten so much better since I cut the alcohol out of my life, and we're getting married in April after over 8 years together.
That's just 1 part of my life that has improved since I put away the booze. Pretty much everything else has gotten better as well. And I remember everything I did the night before!
I know very well how alcohol can be a disruptor in your relationship. My fiancee and I had been together over 6 years before I stopped drinking, and I'm really surprised she hung in there those last few. But our relationship has gotten so much better since I cut the alcohol out of my life, and we're getting married in April after over 8 years together.
That's just 1 part of my life that has improved since I put away the booze. Pretty much everything else has gotten better as well. And I remember everything I did the night before!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: New York
Posts: 54
Hi there Princess- Welcome to the site. I'm also a post gastric bypass pt, as well as working every day to be an alcoholic in recovery. I can tell you, that the medical community is noticing a big trend in people who have gastric bypass surgery- they "break" their addiction to food through the surgery, but end up addicted to alcohol a few years down the road. I've read stories about how some of the early surgery patients would have yearly get togethers in hotels, and it looked worse than any college party imagined. People puking off the balcony, people getting slpooy, fall down, crazy drunk- Something to think about in reguards to the addictive personality, huh? Good luckto you, and I hope you keep coming back here- This site is great for daily support. I haven't missed logging in once since I quit drinking, and it seems to be really helping. I made the decision that I was going to get healthy, as well as quit drinking. I've started working on eating right again, taking my vitamins/supplements, and getting some exercise every day. I recognize that I have an addictive personality, but I'm trying to get "addicted" to being healthy. Seems to be MUCH harder than tossing back a few,lol...but it will be better in the long run.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
except for the bypass...you could have been me 20 years ago....don't wait to quit, it doesn't get any easier. i've found so much more happiness in being sober. the support here is vital for me as is gratitude.
welcome and i hope you are feeling well today.
welcome and i hope you are feeling well today.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Roseville ca
Posts: 5
Well I made 3 days then caved. I gave into myself WILL but will not give into the guilt! I'll be back tomorrow...again. I know I am so close it's just hard I know that you all understand what I am going through. I'm not giving up, just another foot closer. Please continue to send me encouragement. Thank you!
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