bayliss

Well, I am almost done week 2 of not working...
The first week I drank during the day and than at night...this week I have been able to avoid drinking when I wake up or during the day - night are still tricky.
But another thing is gnawing at me...
For example, I was to receive my last paycheck today and haven't even gotten that yet...even though they know where I live they sent it to the wrong address.
So I have no money and am not sure when I am going to have any...
This is deeply frustrating.
I mean, I am happy that I quit, but this financial strain is killing me.
It stresses me out and makes me so incredibly irritable that I want to go out and figure out how to make some money to just get a bottle of booze and forget about it.
I also feel so damn dependant on my boyfriend...he is the one that is now making the money and is holding onto it all.
I also got into a fight with my Mom and am crying...

I just feel like such a failure...

switchboard

Sounds like a hard time. Maybe now would be a good time to sit down with yourself and map out a plan... a plan for a new job and a plan for where you want to go in life .. and think about the steps you will take to meet your goals, including sobriety. When I am overwhelmed, putting things into an "it could be worse" perspective and making a "plan" always makes me feel better and more in control.

Good luck with everything. Hang on there. One thing is for sure, things always change, good or bad. Take control and make a plan to make it a good change.

pikkle69

Spent 3 solid weeks drinking morning, noon and night after I lost my job. That was what finally got me to quit, I know I was close to killing myself and for a minute, I think I wanted to. Then I realized, my job is not who I am... in fact, my job helped make me to what I was which took me far away from who I was. So in the end, losing it actually helped save my life. As long as I keep it in perspective, I don't believe I will fail.

Good luck with your journey, I know it's not easy but it beats the hell out of not having the chance at a journey at all...

Anna

So Bayliss, what are you doing, actively doing, to change things?

Are you buying alcohol? It sounds like money is a big issue, so wouldn't it be better spent on other things. Are you searching for a new job so you can be independent of your boyfriend?

You have the key to the changes you need to make Bayliss.

bayliss

Thanks guys for replying.

@switchboard - that sounds like a good idea...maybe write things down and figure things out. Maybe set a schedule for myself for the days ahead.
Maybe I should even start an online course or look into going to school and a PT job of course.

@pikkle69 - that is exactly what I did the first week. This second week wasn't too bad. Monday morning I woke up with the headache and I knew I had half a bottle of wine but STILL drank it, making the headache worse...I was miserable that day. The next day I had no wine or money to get it...so I was sober for most of the day. That night I did get wine but still the next day I decided to keep sober.
For some reason my vice is white wine...I can keep red sitting there for days...but if there is any white, I feel like I need to drink it.
But I need to make changes in order to see changes...
And it is true...work was the reason why I began drinking so heavily...or part of it...the other part was that I was developing an addiction already and I just made it worse.

@Anna - yes, I am actively looking for a job. Not much going on where I live since there is a highly acclaimed University and the town isn't that big...plus Christmas is around the corner. I still keep looking though.
What do you mean by actively doing? Sorry, I can be a little slow and it's early today as I write this, lol.
I am buying alcohol if I can scrounge up the pennies...sad to say that a friend of mine sometimes gets it for me as well.
That is one thing that obviously has to stop.

I am afraid, ya know?
Especially since Christmas is around the corner, lots of parties, get togethers...always lots of booze around.
Thanks guys for posting.

24hrsAday

don't quit trying Bayliss! the answers will come in time.. but.. you need a sober mind to see them!

SSIL75

you can't seriously look for a job in the midst of a 2 week bender.

it takes more than 'pennies' to get pay for an alcoholic's bender.

We all know the lies that alcoholics tell themselves and others. You can't fool us

What's the recovery plan?

Terminally Unique

There is no future in addiction, bayliss.

ReadyAndAble

You haven't quit, Bayliss. That's why you're not seeing benefits. You're getting distracted by side-effects (financial issues, job issues, relationship issues) instead of addressing the one thing that is aggravating all those things—your alcoholism. Fix that one thing, and you will be amazed how much easier it will be to address those other issues later. But you have to stop drinking first, and put some weeks between you and your last drink.

Dee74

There's lots of great advice here Bayliss.
There's only one way to get out of a bad situation and into a good one - and that's to work at it and make those changes happen.

you'll find that very difficult, I would say impossible, to do when drinking - whether it's all day or all night.

D

soberred

Same old song and dance. Always a reason to drown our sorrows in alcohol. If there isn't, us drunks tend to find one. You have to come to the point when you stop talking about wanting to quit and actually make serious plans to do it. Believe me I know it is hard. But you can accomplish anything if you really put your mind to it.

freshstart57

Bayliss, we have corresponded before a while ago, and I am pleased that you are still posting here, looking for your answer, for your way forward. Your answer is inside you, you already have everything you need to be the 'you' that is already there.

You have to do a little more than clicking your ruby slippers together and saying, 'There is no one like Bayliss, there is no one like Bayliss', but that is the first step. This is hard, and will take some very serious commitment to yourself and your future.

It's time to put on your Big Girl Pants and make your plan for your continued use of alcohol. Keep posting, ok?