help
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 21
help
i am a wife of an opiate addicted husband. he once took a drug test and oxycodone showed up and he said he's never taken oxy, only norcos and now suboxone and methadone. i am so torn about whether to leave him or not. im always so angry and untrusting and our marriage isnt much fun anymore
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: St. Louis, Mo. USA
Posts: 265
I am not sure about the test, but I would believe it unless a second test showed different. Was the test out dated?
From what I know of methadone no other drugs should be use unless prescribed by Dr.
What are your boundaries? and consequences? Do you have them in writing?
They don't quit unless they want to quit. You can't make them. You can't control them only you.
Sorry it sounds so harsh, but it is the brutal truth.
From what I know of methadone no other drugs should be use unless prescribed by Dr.
What are your boundaries? and consequences? Do you have them in writing?
They don't quit unless they want to quit. You can't make them. You can't control them only you.
Sorry it sounds so harsh, but it is the brutal truth.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Congratulations on your own recent sobriety.
Anger is a common emotion when we try to control other people. The more we get into someone else's business, the less we focus on our own issues.
Recovery is hard work.
Anger is a common emotion when we try to control other people. The more we get into someone else's business, the less we focus on our own issues.
Recovery is hard work.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 278
I am glad you're here with the rest of us...you are not alone. Our situations aren't the same but the feelings and our use of either healthy or unhealthy coping mechanisms sure are. The people here and Naranon have saved me from continued chaos with my AS. I also go to a therapist...working on boundaries and triggers and coping. This is the first time in my life I actually listened to people who had gone before me and did what they suggested instead of my codependent behaiviors. Figure out what you will and won't tolerate...and this is the hard part...don't back down. Being a tough love Mom is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do....but the beauty of it...is I get to enjoy life again. The addicts either change or go away.....either way....you come out on top. It is hard. And for me, I have to have tons of voices...recovery voices....and I found....they all say about the same thing...so it's like for once...I have guidance in unfamiliar and dark waters.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 21
thank you windblown. i see a therapist also and she takes a spiritual approach and she has helped me alot with having faith and trying to let go, but she also takes an approach that takes alot of patience and compassion towards my husband and thats hard because im angry all the time at him and its ironic because im an alcoholic trying to stay sober and youd think i could be more understanding of him. i want to take the tough love approach because i feel i my husband might change if he feels hes going to lose me.But i also dont want to make threats of divorce unless i can follow thru with it, then he'll never take me seriously. what you said about boundaries and what i'm willing to tolerate is exactly what my therapist said. i just dont know what im willing to tolerate. by the way ive been following your story and i've been rooting for you even when you got angry. that felt good.
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
Drug testing, when it shows oxycodone that does not necessarily mean he took an oxy (OxyCotin) per say he could have taken percocet, roxicet, endocet, percodan , tylox and the list goes on and on...
He may not be lying, well in the sense that he didn’t take an Oxy, Oc’s or whatever else is used as an abbreviation, and then he may and neither means much of anything. It isn’t his lies anyway; it is always the ones you are telling yourself. Picking the truth from the lies is not a good place to be stuck. An addict in active addiction always looks like an addict in active addiction, recovery while it still looks insane in the beginning does look and sound very different.
And trust well damn I always trusted that my husband would use if he wanted to, actually do whatever he wanted to until …
Why are you angry, what does he do that causes that anger…or is it that you are angry with yourself.
I got lucky, I was able to remove my husband as the problem and work on me and watched the process from start to years after the fact. I didn’t know what was the right thing to do anyway except do not enable, that one made sense and yet nothing else did…Too much input, leave, run, lock everything away, they never change…hmmm
Staying or leaving was a head trip I wrestled with for too long because I wasn’t sure what was right when neither could be because I didn’t know what I wanted. Now well now is different, now for me I see that if he went back out again I would in time leave, and not because of the using but more because I would just keep walking forward in my life … I have no more good excuses or reasons why I need to self destruct or stay sick/be sick anymore in my own right.
And to think omg if they lose us they will get it, is kinda sick ain’t it? I didn’t want my husband to get well for me, I wanted him to get well because he could see HE deserved more than to be ran by heroin…He was worth something…
Boundaries, I had a few but mine dealt a lot with where I wasn’t going to cross lines not mine to cross....And were very etched in staying the compassionate human I was. I also have mastered removing addiction as any reason to set anything in stone. Addiction does not get any power anymore from me, it doesn’t justify acting insane, it isn’t a death sentence, it doesn’t mean someone can’t love, think, be capable of taking care of themselves…it doesn’t need my pity, nor my fear, nor any codie guilt I might muster up even if wants that cause that is what makes it thrive.
Keep working on you because you hold all the answers you need and none will come from him whether he continues to use or gets clean.
He may not be lying, well in the sense that he didn’t take an Oxy, Oc’s or whatever else is used as an abbreviation, and then he may and neither means much of anything. It isn’t his lies anyway; it is always the ones you are telling yourself. Picking the truth from the lies is not a good place to be stuck. An addict in active addiction always looks like an addict in active addiction, recovery while it still looks insane in the beginning does look and sound very different.
And trust well damn I always trusted that my husband would use if he wanted to, actually do whatever he wanted to until …
Why are you angry, what does he do that causes that anger…or is it that you are angry with yourself.
I got lucky, I was able to remove my husband as the problem and work on me and watched the process from start to years after the fact. I didn’t know what was the right thing to do anyway except do not enable, that one made sense and yet nothing else did…Too much input, leave, run, lock everything away, they never change…hmmm
Staying or leaving was a head trip I wrestled with for too long because I wasn’t sure what was right when neither could be because I didn’t know what I wanted. Now well now is different, now for me I see that if he went back out again I would in time leave, and not because of the using but more because I would just keep walking forward in my life … I have no more good excuses or reasons why I need to self destruct or stay sick/be sick anymore in my own right.
And to think omg if they lose us they will get it, is kinda sick ain’t it? I didn’t want my husband to get well for me, I wanted him to get well because he could see HE deserved more than to be ran by heroin…He was worth something…
Boundaries, I had a few but mine dealt a lot with where I wasn’t going to cross lines not mine to cross....And were very etched in staying the compassionate human I was. I also have mastered removing addiction as any reason to set anything in stone. Addiction does not get any power anymore from me, it doesn’t justify acting insane, it isn’t a death sentence, it doesn’t mean someone can’t love, think, be capable of taking care of themselves…it doesn’t need my pity, nor my fear, nor any codie guilt I might muster up even if wants that cause that is what makes it thrive.
Keep working on you because you hold all the answers you need and none will come from him whether he continues to use or gets clean.
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