How to talk to my sons?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 437
How to talk to my sons?
I am an alcoholic mother of three boys ages 13, 19, 21. What do I say to them to let them know I love them and am trying desparatly to stop. My drinking started about 5 years ago and I have been in AA and treatment and I had finally gotten longer stretches of sobriety and patched things up earlier this year and we have had some good times. Unfortuantly, I relapsed on Thanksgiving and they arrived to find me drunk and not able to take them to the dinner we were going to. I guess it pretty much ruined the holidy for them and my ex and his family. My relapse lasted two days and i went to the hospital phsyche ward to stop. They reffered me to a clinician to try seeing a therapist who can prescribe meds and do a phsyche eval. I am in AA, have stepped up my program, attend meetings daily, work with my sponser daily. I have a great job that has not been affected by my disease. I look on the outside that I have it together but am a mess on the inside. That must confuse them.
Point here is that I am desparatly trying to stop this insanity. I love my boys so much and I am devastated that I have hurt them. I never thought in a million years I would become the mom who got drunk and ruined Thanksgiving. When a mom is separated from her children by something like this, it is gut-wrenching for all involved, I know. I hurt, they hurt. And I don't know what to say to them.
I had lunch with my younger son, he sees that I am trying and told me over and over again how much he loved me. He said if it happened again he wouldn't be able to see me for a very, very long time. He is sad.
I have had a little contact with them since last week, and am tentativly having dinner with my oldest tonight. What should I say or not say, do or not do? How can I best help them?
Help, your advice is needed.
Point here is that I am desparatly trying to stop this insanity. I love my boys so much and I am devastated that I have hurt them. I never thought in a million years I would become the mom who got drunk and ruined Thanksgiving. When a mom is separated from her children by something like this, it is gut-wrenching for all involved, I know. I hurt, they hurt. And I don't know what to say to them.
I had lunch with my younger son, he sees that I am trying and told me over and over again how much he loved me. He said if it happened again he wouldn't be able to see me for a very, very long time. He is sad.
I have had a little contact with them since last week, and am tentativly having dinner with my oldest tonight. What should I say or not say, do or not do? How can I best help them?
Help, your advice is needed.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello sunshine,
I'm sorry to hear that you are still struggling with your disease. Finding you intoxicated on Thanksgiving Day was probably a blow to them after they were beginning to trust in your sobriety.
Time takes time, as the saying goes. The only thing you can do now is show them by your actions that you are committed to remaining sober. There is nothing you can say, only continued recovery work will do.....
I hope that you can work with your counselor to learn what triggered this latest relapse.
Good luck to you, and congratulations on your first few days.
I'm sorry to hear that you are still struggling with your disease. Finding you intoxicated on Thanksgiving Day was probably a blow to them after they were beginning to trust in your sobriety.
Time takes time, as the saying goes. The only thing you can do now is show them by your actions that you are committed to remaining sober. There is nothing you can say, only continued recovery work will do.....
I hope that you can work with your counselor to learn what triggered this latest relapse.
Good luck to you, and congratulations on your first few days.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Just say you are sorry, that you relapsed, and that you will try again. Don't make it all dramatic. And don't overexplain it. Ask them how THEY are doing, what THEY are up to, etc.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
Dear alaska,
Just show them your post, it would mean so much to me that my mom was making an effort to stop even if she fell down once in a great while.
My mom has never acknowledged her drinking problem and refuses to stop, she has cut down from six bottles of wine a day to three and that is only because my dad rides her like a pony express horse 24/7.
They love you and they care about you, it hurts them to see you do this to yourself, I am sure they want you around for a long time.
Best of luck to you,
Bill
Just show them your post, it would mean so much to me that my mom was making an effort to stop even if she fell down once in a great while.
My mom has never acknowledged her drinking problem and refuses to stop, she has cut down from six bottles of wine a day to three and that is only because my dad rides her like a pony express horse 24/7.
They love you and they care about you, it hurts them to see you do this to yourself, I am sure they want you around for a long time.
Best of luck to you,
Bill
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Life to me is a matter of choices and priorities. I was raised (more or less) by my alcoholic mother, I have watched her get bombed for over 60 years....she has used every excuse known to man, and has ruined more holidays than I can count. I forgave and forgave over and over again, until I could no longer forgive her.
My point is...if you are really serious about recovery you will prevail, if not, you will repeat your behavior, my mothers words mean nothing to me, her actions speak volumes.
Show your children through your actions that they are your priorty, work your recovery program like your life depended on it...actually, it may.
Don't make your past behavior a hitching post, make it a guidepost, learn from it, and, commit your every thought and action to do better, to become a better mother, to set a good example for them.
I've lived and still live their hell, my mother will turn 86 in two months, she is still drinking everyday, she starts at about 10 am and continues until she passes out, not a pretty story, she is an embarassment to me and my brother, we are so very sick of her and her disease.
I am not trying to be harsh, I am only expressing my feelings as a child of an alcoholic.
Sending support your way...Dolly
My point is...if you are really serious about recovery you will prevail, if not, you will repeat your behavior, my mothers words mean nothing to me, her actions speak volumes.
Show your children through your actions that they are your priorty, work your recovery program like your life depended on it...actually, it may.
Don't make your past behavior a hitching post, make it a guidepost, learn from it, and, commit your every thought and action to do better, to become a better mother, to set a good example for them.
I've lived and still live their hell, my mother will turn 86 in two months, she is still drinking everyday, she starts at about 10 am and continues until she passes out, not a pretty story, she is an embarassment to me and my brother, we are so very sick of her and her disease.
I am not trying to be harsh, I am only expressing my feelings as a child of an alcoholic.
Sending support your way...Dolly
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Yes, my mother was born in Germany. How she is still alive is beyond me, she has been drinking hard liquor for over 65 years. Day in and day out. She is a negative, nasty, jealous, spiteful person who has made my life pure and simple h#ll on earth.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Sorry about hell on earth; I understand and wish it were better for you. The German constitution is simply amazing to me and I believe there is some kind of difference which allows them to drink excessively and not kill themselves with alcohol somehow. But that's a different thread, didn't mean to hijack. Thanks Dolly (((hugs)))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 437
Thank you sooo much for all of your advise. Especially the part about talking about them to them. How are they doing. not making it all about me. And yes, I am working like never, ever before to recover because i know if i loose that connection to my children, if I were to severe it by drinking I would live a life of h*** on earth until I died. They are my world......
I am doing everything my sponsor says, no questions asked. I took on more service work for my home group, attending more meetings, daily, and i am working with a therapist and a FNP for psyche help.And I pray, and i chose not to drink, period. No matter what. I meet them tomorrow!
I am doing everything my sponsor says, no questions asked. I took on more service work for my home group, attending more meetings, daily, and i am working with a therapist and a FNP for psyche help.And I pray, and i chose not to drink, period. No matter what. I meet them tomorrow!
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