sophiamarie2007

Today is day five for me without my Vicodins...it's been a rough five days, but I am starting to see the light. My Mom has been here helping me take care of my kids (they are 4,7 and 9-hard to take care of when you are suffering serious w/d which is what kept me using all the time)-I didn't have time to be sick. But it was killing me, slowly-I have used for 12 years and had months of clean time before. (WHen I was pregnant, as soon as I gave birth I was getting shot up with something-relapsed very fast)-Just need to know that this gets easier with time, that my withdrawl symptoms won't be with me forever. I just want the cruddy feeling that I feel off of my drug to go away. I know I have been impateint before, and I know this will take some time. My mind still isn't very clear, I feel like I am in w/d fog.. thanks for listening.

Pandie

Congrats sophiamarie! That's awesome! Keep up the great work!!

Impurrfect

(((Sophiamarie))) - congratulations on day 5!! I haven't personally gone through opiate withdrawal, but several people here have. From what I read, it's like having a really bad flu for about a week. I think the fogginess and lack of energy last a bit longer, but it DOES get better.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Cassandra48

Hi I'm 2 days behind you. I'll be watching to see how you do. I'm hoping I can finally quit. Needless to say, this isn't my first time trying tobquit cold turkey.

finaltime

Stay strong!!! I am on day 12, and as you know it gets easier. I am also a mother, and it's important for me to have energy all the time for my baby, not only when I'm high. I am soooo proud that you are doing this, and you are very fortunate to have your mom their to help!!! Keep posting!

dizzydolphin

Thank you for all your posts, I really needed to read them today! After 64 days opiate free today, i still have the occasional bad day and coming here helps sooo much, cause i can relate to everyone here.

Congratulations to all of you.

sophiamarie2007

Today is day six with no Vicodins.. It was nice to wake up this morning on my own without the alarm going off and be having to grab my pills to get out of bed. I am still foggy and not very energetic, but waking up on my own is a big accomplishment for my body. Got the older two kids off to school, getting ready to take my daughter to preschool. Still not able to work and teach like I normally do. I know it will come back, this week I am not worried about it. I just got to get this stuff out of my system. I hope I can make it through Sunday, I have my oldest birthday party on that day. I hope I can handle a room full of little kids while I am clean. This should be a challenge to me, something I don't know that I have ever done. Somedays I feel so naked without my pills there as my crunch. I have hidden so much behind the pills that I take everyday to function in society. I never thought that would have so much control over me. It's a said state, but a positive state that I have made it this far without them. Oh Lord, please help me get through another day clean without them.

Cassandra48

Congratulations! Today is day 4 for me and I'm not feeling too too bad. I didn't have the night sweats last night, which is GREAT. Mornings are rough for me. Just getting moving in the am is a trigger to take pills. I've convinced myself that I can't do anything until they kick in. When in actual fact, if I'm honest with myself, I wasn't getting the energy from them that I used to. If I had gotten pills on Monday like I usually do, then I would be running out tomorrow and be back to square one again. I hope I can make it through another drug free day.

lostgirl25

Just found this site and it is helping me so much. Today is day 25 off opiates. I have to work and support my child so going to bed is not an option. Attended a 12 step program and am working on step 1. I need to hear how others are coping. I'm determined to not take a pill.

My head is finally thinking. Not yet totally clear but everyday gets better. Those of you in the first week I give you support. I've had to remove myself from 2 friends who would rather give me a pill than listen to my w/d talk. They've been replaced.

BobbyJoe

Lostgirl best thing you can do is stay away from the friends who still use and think they don't have a problem, they don't want to help us quit. Kind of have to isolate yourself for a good week and push past those hard days 3 - 7.

Then I think it gets a little better.

lostgirl25

Thanks BobbyJoe. It was hard for me to accept that some friends would not be the support I need right now. The good part is I have friends that have never used and do not know the extent of my addiction (probably do, but have never openly discussed it) and they are the ones I'm relating to.

I have so much guilt and need to make so many changes that I'm feeling overwhelmed. Financially, I have short changed my child and chose to spend on pills and this goal is important to me.

lostgirl25

Days 1-4 were physically hard for me during withdrawal. Days 3-7 were the worst mentally. The worse I felt the more determined I became to never go through this again.

Just wanting to be free of the enslavement of opiates and have freedom again helps me put the discomfort in perspective. I waver, have doubts, beat up on myself and then force myself to walk, walk, walk, drink water, drink water, and go to a NA meeting. Working the steps and turning to my higher Power helps keep me going.

Keep holding on Cassandra48. You are going to beat this.

sophiamarie2007

I just turned down a major trigger..I got a call for a job interview and accepted it and thought I have to have some vicodin to get through this. I called an old boyfriend and asked him to bring me up some vicodin tonight.. Somewhere deep in my gut I knew the job interview was at the wrong time for me and I didn't need the vicodin..I just called him and told him not to bring any to me. He knows I am an addict and has watched me withdrawl before.

I hate this addiction. I started my addiction journey twelve years ago when I worked in the pharmaceutical industry. Going to 10 doctors a day and raiding their sample closets was an addicts dream. I never got caught stealing ( 1 million dollar fine and 10 years in prison)-and I got caught up in the pills by accident. In an industry where everything is about pharmaceuticals, I thought this stuff can't be bad, it's what we are trained to talk about (I even sold pain medicines and had samples of it)--My late husband was also in the industry and would steal pills, cough medicine with hydrocodone, whatever for my addiction. My late husband was also an addict, who committed suicide four years ago. Instead of this being a wake up call for me, I looked at it as an excuse to use more. I have a doctor feel good that keeps me supplied and a couple street dealers that I use when I run out (which I always do)-I no longer work in the pharmaceutical industry (had to get out, thought it would help..it just made the access to the pills harder-but an addict can always find what they need. I have three kids (which I got clean when I was pregnant and relapsed every time within hours of their birth)-It scares me that I had nine months of clean time and felt like crap the entire time. All I could think about was when I could use again. I tell myself that it's because I had not decided that I was going to quit for good, just temporaily for the babies sakes.

So now I look at my life and see that I am widowed from ones addiction who destroyed himself. I have three kids that need a Mom who can function without the use of pills. This addiction has consumed my life for twelve years and I am tired of it.

I am just venting and getting stuff out of my head. I am not getting any vicodins tonight and am not going to the sales interview tommorrow (I still feel flat and would not interview well)-I am going to suffer through this knowing that their is light at the end of the tunnel. Your posts here have inspired me that I can have a better life in the end without drugs. So glad I found this place.

Cassandra48

I just took a HUGE step for me. My dealer just called and said Hey! I just got back from Florida and have 500 oxy's. How many do you want? An easy sale, I always buy in bulk from him. I always look forward to his call. I told him NO Thank you. I'm not taking them anymore and won't be needed them. Wow, to think I could have them in hand in less than half an hour and I said NO. On day 4 of detox no less. I'm so proud of myself! His calls have always ended up in a relapse for me. I attribute a lot of this to you guys and all the support you've given me. Thank you thank you thank you. I might just beat this this time. Like I said before, one hour at a time, one day at a time. This hour, I win!

dizzydolphin

Cassandra, that Is a great accomplishment. You should be very proud, you didn't give in. I personally deleted all dealers numbers and don't answer any calls not in my contacts. Just a suggestion.

Hope you start feeling better soon!

lostgirl25

((Cassandra)) You go girl. You dodged a bullet. Block all numbers of dealers and remove numbers you know have a drug connection. Early on I found I needed to isolate myself from even friends who casually had pills and was unaware of how deep their problems might be. Just another tool to use to being clean.

lostgirl25

((Sophiamarie)) Add another You go girl to go with Cassandra. It appears you have a lot going for you and recognized the trigger of the job interview. An ex that would bring you drugs knowing you are an addict is perhaps better an "ex" permanently. Just a suggestion but you might want to get a new doctor.

You are only in the first week of getting clean and temptations are hard to avoid but so worth it. It gets better. Day 3-7 were hard for me. I'm looking toward 30 days clean this weekend.

Cassandra48

Hi Sophia just checking in on you. I was so sorry to read about your husband. It must be very difficult to raise your children on your own and detox at the same time. Both my kids are in college, so they aren't much work anymore. Day 5 for me today and I feel really depressed. I was able to take my dog outside yesterday afternoon and get a little yard work done. I was actually feeling pretty good. Then something weird happened. It's actually pretty cold outside and we haven't closed the pool yet. My dog loves the pool. When I turned my back, what does he do? Goes right into the freezing water. I yelled hey! Don't go in the water!! I could have sworn I heard him say "what?". So what did I do? I just repeated myself and told him to stay out. Lol I think I'm seriously losing my mind. I hope I can get through today. It feels like it's going to be a rough one.

sophiamarie2007

(((Cassandra)))) Congratulations on making it to day 5. I understand the depressed feeling part. My head just feels like doing nothing-and I am still in a fog. It's like the mental part of this is much tougher than the physical. I think I am still going through the physical cravings, but the mental anguish is awful. I am proud of both of us that we made it this far. We both turned down major triggers last night which is a huge accomplishment in our recovery. I feel like I have just been glued to the computer as my lifeline through this. Keep me posted on how you are doing and I'll do the same. I only got about 5 hours of sleep last night, but it's not bothering me yet. Like I said, it's the mental part that I can't seem to shake.

Cassandra48

((((Sophiamarie2007)))) I agree with you completely. I've felt worse when I've just had a bad cold. My brain is telling me that I would have more energy with just a few pills. When in fact, those energy spurts were few and far between when I was using. Yes, I felt more calm and relaxed, but I really didn't accomplish anything. Then the anxiety would come when I started running out. It was a vicious cycle that I don't want to fall into again. I'm trying to stay strong.