JoeJoeCA

There he is again. This sucks. I truly feel perfectly fine today. No depression, no real care about this last bad episode. And this is a problem. Im back to ok today, and this leads me to do the same thing over and over. Well, eff that Im not going down that path again. I want to feel great like this all the time, but I know I shouldnt be feeling this good already. This is the demon at work, trying to trick me

Does this sound pathetic that I truly liken it to a demon? Cuz I really think there is some major trickery goin on here.

Im goin to a meeting of sorts tonight.....either SMART or AA...... Obviously AA is endorsed around here, any thoughts on SMART??

Dee74

We actually have no affiliation to any one method here Joe

I've heard good things about SMART.

here's some links to some of the main recovery players
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

D

mwstylee

It is exactly that to me as well- a demon. I am very determined to beat this and it sounds like you are as well.

Anna

Many people here have used SMART. I think the main thing, is to fine something that works for you.

JoeJoeCA

Mortified as I walk into 1st mtg. Wish me luck..

eJoshua

Good luck

Deserto

JoeJoe, let us know how it goes.

Ghostly

Good luck.

Gerbosko

@JoeJoeCA - I hope everything goes okay, let us know .

wpainterw

Joe: As far as I'm concerned, it is a demon. Indeed the Rational Recovery folks call it the "Beast". That's because what drives addiction resides in the more primitive parts of the brain and this, responding to the body's "need" for alcohol (because it's got its chemistry all twisted around) does everything it can to trick the conscious mind to take that first drink. So go to that meeting, share your feelings and concerns and watch out for that demon.

W.

Terminally Unique

It's interesting, but Jack Trimpey has written that he hesitated for a long time before settling on "the Beast" as a name for addictive desire, on account of its religious overtones, which might aliente the secularists. He was also concerned that RR might come across as merely a variation on AA, focusing on "lower powers" instead of higher powers. I think he got it right in the end, though.

Even if "Beast" does have obvious religious overtones on account of the Biblical references, the concept of a Beast brain nevertheless coincides with evolutionary biology. It also very aptly describes the nature of the problem at hand. Without a doubt, the perverted survival drive which RR coins "the Beast" is a ruthless destroyer bar none, and this atheist can't help but appreciate the wisdom of the ancients in acknowledging that fact.

JoeJoeCA

Very mixed emotions. I went to AA not SMART. There was a prayer with everyone holding hands, etc. Not ready for that. Everyone was real cool, but one guy I wanted to knock the eff out. He came up to me after and started on how I can't do this alone and was like pushing his sponsorship on me. He was like "write your number down on the list." I tried to be polite but I wanted to smash the guy. I sure as hell was not ready to have this dude all up in my **** on this day. But overall good experience and great to be around others with the same struggles I am.

elegiac

There may always be one person you don't like at meetings, but remember you're there for yourself more than anybody else. Just look for the similarities between you. And get a sponsor when YOU'RE ready to have one.

Dee74

Sounds like the guy was trying to be helpful to me Joe.
Some of us are socially adept, some of us aren't quite so much - y'know?

I'm glad the meeting was mostly a positive experience for you.

D

Ghostly

I'll echo this. It is a support group, and people are going to try to give you support. I think if you give it a chance, and just bring it down a bit, you might find it helpful.

Congrats on goin though...nice job.

JoeJoeCA

Everyone else was great...this dude was pushy. I did not like being pushed. It was like he was challenging me. And he was the only dude who was like that. Im not ready to give some dude I dont know my phone number, im sure there are plenty of creeps in aa. Man I was pissed and still kida am. It was real good and ended like that, outside for that matter. Either way committed....gonna try SMART also still.....

Peter G

Yeah, the prayers did me in first time I went to a meeting. And similarly, any place I went in my first weeks sober, be it meetings or just the grocery store, if there was more than a few people in proximity I could depend on the fact that someone would twitch me out. Occasionally some knucklehead would end up standing in front of me doing something ridiculous and irritating. And of course I would really want to cave in their skulls for interrupting my bad day(s). Pretty amazed that I didn't drop some folks, come to think of it now.

It happened a lot at first because my nerves were thoroughly shot. It didn't help that I was as happy about my new-found alcoholic misery as I would have been had someone told me I contracted the Ebola virus.

I suppose AA meetings are a microcosm of life in that way. The more stressed we are the more people can cause us stress. My advice is to ride out the idiots because within the rooms are some folks with true and honest wisdom to impart, and they're usually the ones not in your face at all. Believe me, it will get less edgy every time you go, that's without a doubt.

As for calling your booze problem a 'demon', that's exactly how I thought of mine, and exactly what I named it. My family and friends all helped me coin the phrase also, telling me I often acted possessed when I drank too much. The term seemed to fit perfectly. So no, not pathetic at all IMO. Accurate description for this rotten illness.

freshstart57

You can name that drive to get a buzz 'The Demon', or 'The Beast', or the one that I prefer, 'The Parasite'. It doesn't matter much. The reason that you name it at all is to put in your noggin the concept that this drive to drink is not you because you know better. This drive comes from a part of you that will insist that you drink even if it means losing friends, your job, your marriage and family, your health and finally your life. All of these are not important to your parasite when it comes to booze.

Our deliverance comes from the fact that The Beast or The Parasite needs you to drink for it. It can't force you to drink or to do anything else for that matter if you chose not to do it.

This takes me to the big question: What is your plan for continuing to drink?

JoeJoeCA

I absolutely plan to never drink again. That is my plan. And I will make thwt happen.

JoeJoeCA

Ive been stewing ever since that meeting. Probably a lot of it has to do with me but that dude pissed me off. It really turned me off to the whole idea.

I fully get that the strength of AA lies in the program, but I dont like THE PROGRAM. I do not want to actively follow that program my whole life. I want to get on with my life and not feel sentenced to have to follow that mold. I have the utmost respect for those that do, its just not my deal. I am more committed that ever, that is just not going to be my path. My path is to grit out a short spell, then inform all close to me that I am sober for life. Don't want to look like a hypocrite so after a month I will drop the bomb on people. I will continue to explore other avenues of help not AA. I love the support group aspect of AA but the steps (that are necessary for some) will not work for me.