Nina Kay

I'm struggling alot with anger & intolerance issues. My grown 35 yr. old son just got out of the hospital after a week's stay because of severe vomiting, dehydration, pancreas & stomach pain caused by his drug use. He nearly dies EVERY time. We have gone through this for 16 yrs. I am just so disgusted, fed up & mad !!! He has two little boys now, 3yrs. & 9 months old. I just feel like I need to vent to those of you who will understand how I feel. I've gone through so so many emotions over the years & I've been really really angry, but this time I just can't seem to have any compassion for him that usually curtails my extreme anger. I know that I have to get past this, but this time, I'm not feeling like I'm going to EVER stop being so MAD. I'm just trying to be there for my very young daughter-in-law & my 2 little baby grandsons who look at their Daddy like he hung the moon & their faces both light up like on Christmas morning every time they see him come in the room. It just breaks my heart how he can be so selfish when he knows they are so close to him & dependant on him. I TAUGHT HIM BETTER THAN THIS & I'm tired of putting up with all of this.

I'm supposed to go to a new Alanon Meeting here in my little town tonight. It's my second meeting. I'm so glad there is one here, since before they were all at least an hour away. I'm hoping that it helps me in some way. I thank any of you that may have taken the time to read my rant.

MsPINKAcres

((NK))

hate so much to hear of this - I hate it for you, for your DIL, those 2 precious grandsons and for your son!

I do hope you and your DIL can attend the meetings - I know they help me tremendously in dealing with the active addiction that seems to surround me.

Take good care of YOU and prayers for all of you!

PINK HUGS,
Rita

Dee74

I'm really sorry Nina - I know how hard this must be for you all.
I'm glad you're going to AlAnon tonight

prayers for you and your family

D

Impurrfect

(((NK))) - I'm so sorry you're going through this. I agree with ((Anvil)) - there are times I want to smack my relatives. I'm sure, deep down, there is still love, but it gets buried by the anger sometimes.

Glad you have a new meeting in town for some f2f ES&H and hugs.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

cece1960

I'm sorry Nina.

I know I still haven;t gotten to the point that anger isn't the first reflex emotion. You'll work through it in your own time.

I'm glad you have a convenient meeting to attend.
Hang in there

(((Hugs)))

TiredandSpent

I had an alcoholic husband I was with for 15 years. There comes a point when sometimes you just wish they'd die and stop torturing everyone around them. There's dignity in death and there's SS survivor benefits for the children, and the expense of the addiction is gone.

You are just human and these loved ones are so hard to deal with. I know with my exhusband, it just suddenly happened. His turn was over. His turn to my compassion and resources--well, it was over. It was my kids' turn. It was my turn. His turn was over.

Maybe it just seems to you that your son's turn is over, and it's time to move on in life, and let him live his Groundhog's Day over and over and over--all by himself.

In any case, hugs and good wishes to you.

OwlFeathers

******************** Nina}}}}}} Hugs to you.

LifeRecovery

NinaKay-

I had a wise woman tell me once something that has shifted my feelings about being angry. I don't remember it verbatim, but I will paraphrase.

Anger is an emotion that is similiar to the physical pain of having your toes stepped on. It is the emotional equivalent to saying "ouch," which is perfectly appropriate when you have been physically stepped on.

Anger stopped being so scary for me when I saw it that way. When I feel anger and I can remember that it is a way that I am saying "ouch," to be stepped on then I am able to let go of the judgement that I have on me about it.

How I behave with that feeling is an entirely different story.

I don't have control over my feelings, but I do have control over what I do with it.

Anger since I have switched my attitude has been very helpful to me. It has allowed me to set up healthy behaviors that includes setting boundaries, doing what is best for me, staying no contact (if and when appropriate) etc. Anger moves me through things sometimes which often in retrospect I am glad for.

I am sorry about the circumstances that you are facing. Sending warm thoughts your way.

Ann

Nina, I think it's okay to get angry, addiction and how it affects loved ones can make anyone angry. That doesn't mean you don't have compassion to, it's just a natural reaction.

Like the saying goes, "love the addict, hate the disease".

I'm sorry you are going through this and keep your son in my prayers.

Hugs

Nina Kay

I want to thank each of you for your encouragement & support, but mostly for your understanding. Thanks for telling me that it's okay to be angry. Sometimes I just feel like there's something wrong with all of my responses. Sometimes I just don't know how I'm supposed to feel or react. I think that all of the venting I've done lately has really helped me to settle down & feel some sort of relief. I'm avoiding dealing with my son right now, but I did tell him that I am very mad right now, when he said he loves me & didn't really like us not speaking. I'm not the kind of Mother that does the 'not speaking thing' with my children & I told him that wasn't what was happening between us. I told him that I'm mad, I'm just very very mad right now & I left it at that. I just don't have anything civil to say to him right now. I really think that what TiredandSpent said just really 'hits the nail on the head'.

I did go to the new Alanon Meeting & it did help some too. Thank you all for being here. I'm sorry for the reasons that each of you are here, but I'm really grateful since you are.

Impurrfect

(((Nina Kay))) - I think anger is in the air, here tonight, but I see it as a good thing..though I slip and slide into codie land, it's usually anger (mostly at myself for getting INTO the situation, but not always) that spurs me back out of crazy-land. Glad you got to your meeting.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy