Soberthinker

Lets start things off here from the beginning. I am a drug addict. I am addicted to marijuana. I started smoking it in October 2009. My brother introduced me to this drug and from there I kicked off my habit. For the remainder of 2009 I smoked only on weekends and holidays. This wasn't that big of a deal though I seemed normal to everyone. In the beginning of 2010 I started to smoke on every other week day. I then started smoking everyday tell May of 2010. I was a fiend now and had just graduated high school. Over the summer my addiction got worse I started to smoke more and more. People and hobbies became uninteresting. Why hang with friends when you could just get high. I lost all my real friends in the process. I don't blame them now. I then enrolled in college. I took a break from smoking when I started. As soon as 2011 rolled in I was ready to take back my addiction. I have sold and pawned over 3000 dollars of my stuff and I am still in the hole. I feel detached from everyone. I lie constantly so I can get my fix. Tell relatives I need gas money, Tell friends I will pay them back. I haven't. I smoked more and more tell now when I smoke I don't even get high anymore. I just want more. I am now failing all the classes I enrolled in. I am in financial probation. That means if I fail now I loss all the money that payed for my college. I won't get to go to college next semester. My dad will be pissed because he helped pay for it. I will lose my school, my home, my family, my car and have no money and no where to go. There is no hope for this and I feel terrible and dead inside. I smoked tonight with tears in my eyes I have no idea how things went out of control. My life as I knew it is gone forever. I will never be able to fix what I have broken. I have lost irreplaceable things and people I will never see again all because I needed a damn fix. I am going through mood changes and through emotions I can't control. I am scared of what is to happen next I am starting to have panic attacks again but I can't tell anyone. My dad tells me how useless and pathetic I make him look and about how my whole family is ashamed of me. He is pissed all the time and never has understood me. I hate dealing with him it adds more stress to my already stress filled life. I am not suicidal I have heard of people who have done that and I am sorry that they couldn't have gotten proper help but I am on the end of my rope here what should I do I have nowhere to turn. I hope someone reads this huge sob story and tells me something to do I am clueless.

Dee74

Hi soberthinker
welcome

I was a heavy daily pot smoker too for many many years so I understand the addiction. Sounds like you're in pretty deep tho.

Have you considered a recovery group like MA (Marijuana Anonymous) or perhaps some one on one counselling?

Relax - this is simply not true.

You can get your life back again, and you will be able to repair and make amends for past mistakes - you may be lucky like I was and get the chance to repair some relationships

The first step though is to make some decisive positive changes and stop the weed. Everything else will flow from that decision.

You'll find a lot of support here

D

LoftyIdeals

Soberthinker...Dee is right. I was a daily pot smoker from age 15 to age 20. Your post has helped me remember all that I lost as a result of it. Friends, freedom, meaningful belongings I hocked to get more. I am now 48, and I can attest that you can recover, if you choose to.

When I was coming up, the debate was whether pot is addictive. As an addict/alcoholic, my experience is that it is. I was more than psychologically dependent, I was addicted. But, addictions can be broken, and persons can be healed. How? By simply not partaking, and then working through the reasons you became dependent in the first place. Becoming sober is a thrilling journey in self-examination. I did it when I was your age, but then, after a year and a half, fell off the wagon with alcohol, primarily. That happened because I became impatient socially, and was isolated in sobriety. Almost 30 yrs ago, folks our age didn't think of sobriety as it is thought of today, so I was lonely. Fortunately for you, that's not the case today. There are as many young people in recovery as there are older.

I'm glad you posted, and hope you'll come back frequently, as you work on your addiction. The time to take action is now. You can soberly re-enter society during holiday events and immediately start re-establishing friendships in your life. Good luck, and keep us posted!

Tippingpoint

Slightly off topic but I thought I would comment.

My AV often tells me that I should replace alcohol use with marijuana - he tells me that it isn't addictive and that I could just do it recreationally on the odd occasion where it might be suitable/enjoyable.

It does me good to read posts such as this so that I am better equipped to deal with my AV and make good choices.

Soberthinker - You've found a good place. I've come to realize that all addictions are basically the same - be it alcohol, cocaine, marijuana or pills. We use them to get high.

simian66

I really do believe there is hope for you. It took me over 20 years to come to the point you have in 2 years! I hate to think of all the things I pawned over that time to support my smoking habit. I've lost friends too. My best friend got tongue cancer. He was a weekend pot smoker.

I totally relate to the situation you are in right now. It can become a nasty habit. But you seem smart. You know it isn't working for you. I wish so much I had admitted it was a problem at your age. One minute I was sitting in a circle listening to records with friends, packing bongs... the next minute the best part of my life has gone and what I do remember of it, just makes me sad.

You have a chance here Soberthinker. You could come out of this relatively unscathed. Imagine how much worse it could get 20 years down the track. Search the forums here, seek out counselling near you, find support, read whatever literature you can get your hands on. Keep posting here. Plenty of us have been in the same boat as you and will support you in whatever way we can. You can break this habit. It just takes a bit of guidance and a bit of effort. You can move from being Soberthinker to Soberdoer.

coming_clean

im 28 now, starting smoking pot when I was 14. Altough I somewhat struggled with other drugs too, marijuana is my drug of choice. I've been a little in and out of serieus recovery for few years now. But i'm very good at convincing myself I don't need help and it's easy to let go.

In the meantime, I haven't succeeded in holding a job for more then 1,5 years. I've finished college, but failed uni. I've messed up 2 relationships, and a third one is slowly crumbling too cause of drug use (she as wel). Thought about killing myself a couple of times. Without help from my parents, I would be bankrupt. Still kinda struggling financially, I have NO friends left, and each and everyday is a fight just not to get some breakdown.

I'm not a great example of how to live your live. The only thing i'm proud of is my stubborness in not giving in fully to my deadly disease.

From the few periods of sobriety I've got under the belt, it's awsome.